Sunday, January 29, 2006

The ri-frickin-diculous dating world of...well, just the dating world.

"These footprints lead right back to [his] house,
Where [he] sits with an open mouth,
dripping with apologies,
while my blood drips down [his] hands."
--"Love Is What Broke Me," Jason Space-Station Cramer

Hey friends. I'm thinking about putting an ad in the personals section. What do you think?

Single white female seeks single (or not) male for deep conversations and laughter that will later become painful memories for me. Must be intelligent and fun, someone to fall in love with and then to have break my heart. A little about me: equally-proportioned redhead with above-average I.Q. and a potential for humor. My type of guy: skinny, talented and whacky guys who I'm sure are genuinely interested in me and who then shock me by being genuinely interested in someone else. Usually that someone else is prettier, younger, has nicer clothes, is more socially mainstream, and/or possesses other qualities that I just can't compete with. The ideal man should also be too wonderful to blame for not wanting me, therefore making the whole ordeal more heart-breaking. Would also settle for a man who turns out to be a complete jerk when it comes to relationships, so that I can get angry and bitter and therefore ruin our friendship, either permanently or at least for a very long time. Please answer ad as soon as possible, so that my heart can be freshly healed just in time for you to break it again.

Okay, it's really not as bad as I make it out to be. In a moment of madness and loneliness and frustration I wrote this little personal ad, and felt much better after doing so. Life really is okay, and in no way do I mean to point fingers or play the victim or lay a guilt trip on the male portion of the human race. It wasn't even written with anything in mind but to purge my system of all it's frustration. (It should also be noted that to anyone who thinks this is directed at or related to them in some particular way, relax. It's cool.) So now that I've written a lengthy disclaimer about what the point is NOT, I guess I can tell you what the point IS. The point is, as Scott said recently, DATING = DRAMA. I wish it didn't, but quite frankly, I don't see any way around it. I'm just sick of it. Too bad I still want romance.
Anyway, I'm sure someone who reads this can relate. So hopefully, if you can relate, you've found some comfort in my own little catharsis. Rock on, singles.


Baxamus said...

Cuddle with me, darn you! Come back to La Grande, I miss you so much. No wonder I haven't gotten any emails, you're living my life! You are truly amazing, Liz. I sympathize with you... deeply.

Liz-a-nator said...

I'm working on it! Coming to La Grande, that is. And I've been out of town for a few days, so I haven't been able to e-mail. I just got the one you sent tonight, kiddo. I'm sending one your way soon. And thank you for thinking I'm amazing. I'm only inspired by the people around me, yourself included.

Little Whee said...

Amen sister! Let's just all run away and join a convent. After we convert to catholocism of course...that might be the slight hitch...

Peculiar Mormon said...

You reallize that, as your token gay friend, I could never let that happen? You're my favorite fag-hag! I can't let some jerk walk all over you...don't you love the word "Fag-hag?"

ender, shall we say? said...

once upon a time
you fell out of a tree
and landed upon me

since that time
i have climbed many a tree
and fallen out
hoping to
land in your arms...

isha said...

woah! what/who was that??!?!?!!?!?!?!
strange people are afoot on the blogging web.....
dudun dudun dudu dudu dudududududududDUDUDUDUDD! that was my them music..hehehe love you liz!

Liz-a-nator said...

Whoa! Who are you, "ender, shall we say"? You're intriguing. I love your poem. I just wonder who you are and how you found my blog. Hm, this may take some investigation.

Baxamus said...

"Right back to me"... as in... ?? :D I like emails from Liz!