Puzzle Pieces Purloined from Polyamory

Here's something you may or may not know about me: I and a handful of other ladies I know run an LDS sex website for women called Eternal Intimacy. A few of us got so tired of not having clear, honest resources about sexuality with an LDS perspective that we just created one. It's not super active, but I'm still really proud of it. (I'm especially proud of the "Newly Engaged Kit" section of the website, where we give details about birth control, answer common questions, give some basic anatomy, and detail what to expect on your wedding night.)

ANYWAY, a few months ago, we ran an article called "What Mormons Can Learn From Other Communities." In helping put together the article, I stumbled into all kinds of rabbit holes, but I spent a lot of time learning about the polyamory community, and now I'm coming back to my own world with some wisdom.

Polyamory is a blanket term for any consensual non-monogamy. It could be anything from a group marriage to an open relationship. It IS NOT adultery--the difference is knowledge and consent of all parties involved. Polyamorous people can cheat, the same as monogamous people. (You can learn more about polyamory here.) I'm not here to debate the idea of polyamory, or discuss whether or not is a real, sustainable thing. I'm just sharing some of the ideas I've found in that community that resonate with me. Because there are a handful of ideas in the poly community that I think apply to ALL relationships. Or at least they should. Not just romantic relationships, or sexual relationships. All relationships. Monogamous and otherwise.

I've been thinking a lot about relationships in general lately--everything from marriages to friendships. (Understandably.) And I keep feeling like I'm on the edge of figuring something big out...like I keep stumbling on puzzle pieces, but I don't know what the finished puzzle is yet. I'm probably tilting at windmills in trying to put it all together RIGHT NOW, but in the meantime, here are some of those puzzle pieces, stolen straight from the poly community.

Puzzle Piece #1: "New Relationship Energy" (NRE)
This refers to that giddy feeling of excitement and infatuation at the beginning of a relationship. Sometimes this is called the "honeymoon phase" of a relationship. You know the phase. The butterflies when they call. The way your stomach drops when you think about kissing them. The grin you can't wipe off your face when they say something nice. That phase when you want to talk to them all the time, and they're so awesome, and everything in the world smells like rainbows. This phase (or some variation of it) can last anywhere from a few weeks to a few years.

CLEARLY, this is something that most people feel, not just poly folks. But poly folks have a name for it for two reasons. 1, being non-monogamous means you're more likely to experience New Relationship Energy more often. 2, poly folks have learned that this phase is not a good time to make big decisions. And THAT'S the lesson I'm carrying with me. Hollywood and romance novels would have us believe that if that big sparkly feeling is missing, something is wrong and you shouldn't be with someone. But Hollywood and romance novels are full of crap. The polyamory world says, "Enjoy those giddy feelings! Have fun! But know that it wears off. Don't make any big decisions about your relationship during this phase. Wait until things cool down enough for you to think clearly." That's a damn sight smarter than how most of us do things.

And I think this can apply to more than just romantic relationships. I think we sometimes get a version of this in friendships, too, just not as strongly. But sometimes we get so excited about new friendships that we make plans, either consciously or unconsciously, that can't be sustained. Because NRE wears off. THAT'S NOT A BAD THING. Feelings don't disappear. They shift. They settle.

Puzzle Piece #2: Dealing With Jealousy
There's this myth about the polyamory world that poly folks don't get jealous, and that that's why they can have open relationships. But that's not quite true. There are poly folks who get jealous, and there are poly folks that don't. But here's what poly folks recognize about jealousy. 95% of the time, jealousy is about your own fears. There is the 5% of the time when there really is an issue that you need to talk about with the person in question. But before you do, you can pause and ask yourself, "What am I afraid of? What am I worried that I won't get? What am I scared I'll lose? What needs am I afraid won't be met?" And most of the time, you can work that stuff out for yourself.

Let's say your significant other has lunch with an old boyfriend/girlfriend. You're pretty sure they won't cheat on you, but you still feel jealous. That's an opportunity to tune in and say, "Okay, what am I scared I won't get?" Maybe the answer is time with your significant other. Maybe the answer is you're afraid they'll feel new relationship energy and not want to be with you. Maybe you're scared that if they leave you, you'll never find love again. Once you've identified those fears, you can go through and address them.

I don't know about you guys, but this has happened to me with friendships, too. I'll have a really meaningful connection with someone, and then they'll also have meaningful connections with other people. Which is actually just how friendship works. But dammit if I don't get jealous sometimes. Blame the trauma of middle school or whatever. But in recent months, when I feel twinges of jealousy, I've taken time to stop and think about what I'm afraid of. And then I've addressed those fears.

This doesn't prevent jealousy from happening. But it's a healthier way of dealing with jealousy.

Puzzle Piece #3: Compersion
So, the poly community coined this new term that's basically the opposite of jealousy. It's a feeling of joy or elation you get when your significant other (or one of them, if you're poly) finds satisfaction in another relationship.

This is another tool to help deal with initial feelings of jealousy. Step one, address your own fears. Step two, think outside yourself and try a little positive empathy. This doesn't just apply to people--you can feel compersion that your significant other/friend/roommate/sibling/parent/whatever has found a great new video game that they love, or a TV show that they can't get enough of, or a friendship that's enriching their life. Your initial instinct may be to resent whatever it is that seems to be drawing this person away from you. And you can't really force yourself to feel compersion if you don't. But sometimes you can choose to feel that way.

Puzzle Piece #4: Don't Make One Person Responsible for Meeting All of Your Needs
I've been realizing lately that I tend to do this sometimes, regardless of whether the relationship is romantic or friendly or what have you. This is something I'm still trying to figure out--how much ANYONE else is "responsible" for meeting someone else's needs. (I'll let you know when I figure it out...probably sometime around 2053.)

But this is one of the benefits that polyamorous people experience in their romantic or sexual relationships. Say you love playing video games with your partner, but you fall in love with someone who hates them. In a monogamous situation, you're stuck. But for poly folks, you simply find someone else to play video games with. (Technically, you can also do this if you're monogamous, but sometimes people make rules for themselves and their relationships that prevent it.)

THIS APPLIES SO MUCH TO FRIENDSHIPS. Sometimes I get into this weird head-space where I sort of put all of my eggs into one friendship basket for a little while. But it means that when that person is busy, or has other obligations, or other desires, I am basket-less and egg-less. This also means that I spend a lot of time in that friendship being selfish and TERRIFIED that they'll take away the basket and the eggs at any second and then I WILL NOT HAVE ANY FRIENDS.

(We're all neurotic somehow. Brene Brown, please high five me for being vulnerable right now.)

This is obviously a problem. It can make my friendships all about me and my fears instead of about who someone is or our common interests. It also means I'm miserable if they can't meet my every need. It means that any time I spend with that friend has a faint undercurrent of terror that makes me not quite genuine. It means that I think I have to bribe people into being friends with me.

I've found myself in this situation a little more often since Jacob and I separated, and I'm grateful it hasn't been drastic enough to burn any bridges down. I'm still learning how to get out of that head-space, and how to reach outward with less fear. (Granted, I'm a little fragile when it comes to any relationship at all right now, so I'm trying to be patient with myself as I stumble through. If you've been hurt by my neurosis, I apologize deeply. Come talk to me.) But I think the poly community has something right simply in recognizing that it's unreasonable to expect one person to meet all of our needs, all of the time. You gotta spread that love around. (In a platonic way, if you are monogamous.)

Puzzle Piece #5: Talk About It
Final thing I'm stealing from the poly world? I have rarely seen any group of people emphasize communication as much as these folks. It's simply a necessity. After the New Relationship Energy fades, a great deal of any relationship is just administrative tasks. For those who've been in a relationship, think about your schedule and how difficult it can be to make time for each other. Now double that. (Or triple it...etc.) And add on top of it discussions about making sure everyone's needs are met. Poly relationships demand that people talk to each other honestly and often.

But let's be real. Every single relationship we have, romantic or otherwise, could probably benefit from talking honestly and often.


I'll probably be gathering puzzle pieces like these for the rest of my life. I feel a little frustrated sometimes that I don't just HAVE IT ALL FIGURED OUT RIGHT NOW. I'm impatient like that. About most things. And given my recent circumstances, my desperate desire to figure things out makes sense. But I'm learning to just live in the moment a little more. To appreciate the knowledge I have, and to try and do kind and happy things, instead of worrying so much about whether or not I'm doing everything "right." Sometimes the road map we have doesn't have as much detail as we'd like. So for those moments, I'm grateful for what guidance I can find. Even if it comes in puzzle piece form.

I'm mixing my metaphors here, but I trust you know what I mean.

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Puzzle Pieces Purloined from Polyamory

Hello again, and thank you.

I'm still here!

I'll write all about the roller coaster that the last few months has been, but I'll do that later. I'm still kind of motion sick from the ups and downs, so I need to take a little while to process them. Despite the rough ride, just know that there are lots of good and wonderful things in my life that make me grateful to wake up every morning.

Here are just a few of them:

1) The bedroom ceiling. 

I got a pack of glow-in-the-dark stars from Amazon.com, and spent two and a half hours covering the ceiling and upper walls of the bedroom, unsure about the result. And then when I went to bed, I couldn't sleep for a solid half hour, because I was just grinning at the ceiling. I am OBSESSED. (Note: The above picture is not my bedroom. I do not have a camera that has the ability to capture a star ceiling that well. Also, that bedroom is five times bigger.)

2) The apartment in general, actually. 
I've made a few changes around here, and it looks awesome, and I enjoy coming home to it every night. Someday I'll muster the energy to do a before-and-after blog, but today is not that day.

3) The Great British Baking Show. 

You guys. I am obsessed. I can't help it! It's so charming and British and everything is so yummy and I love cooking shows anyway, but there's none of this cut-throat American falsified DRAMA. It's just British people baking their tushes off and it's so charming. I'm in the middle of re-watching it. Already.

4) California. And family. 

The stars aligned last week and Beckah and I got to visit Mom and Ray and Oma and Opa and everyone in California AT THE SAME TIME. With our grown up jobs and grown up schedules, that's not always easy. Beckah got there the day before I did, and when they picked me up from the airport, we went STRAIGHT to the beach. Didn't even stop to drop off luggage. We also spent some time at my uncle's log cabin in the woods, and that was wonderful, too. Mad Libs and good music and books read aloud were all included, of course.

5) S-Town. 

The producers of "This American Life" and "Serial" created a new podcast called "S-Town" and it's amazing. It's one story with seven chapters, which they released all at once on Wednesday this past week, and I finished the series today. It's funny and sad and poignant and beautiful and mysterious. 10 out of 10, would recommend.

6) Curls

I love having curly hair. I had an especially good hair day today, and it made me feel especially pretty. I love days when I feel especially pretty. (Ain't vain. I just think women should spend less time focusing on what we think are flaws in our appearance and celebrating the pretty instead.)

7) The wind outside the bedroom window as I write. 
I can hear it rustling through the trees, making the branches creak slightly. It's eerie and lovely.

8) To Kill A Mockingbird

I've loved every show I've ever done. Even if it was hard or had challenges or wasn't as fulfilling, I've always found something to love, or at the very least, something to learn. But some shows just sort of stand out in your memory as special. There's just some extra magic somehow, and everyone is passionate about the work, or maybe the story means something important to everyone involved. Macbeth. Enchanted April. And now, To Kill A Mockingbird. This show came to me at a very difficult time in my life. And that's the case for a few of us in the cast...a lot of us are dealing with loss or heartbreak of some kind. It's so meaningful to have a place to go every night where we can all pour our hearts into a story...all the heartbreak and joy and anger and fear and laughter and sadness.

And everyone is SO TALENTED. These freaking little kids and tweens, even, the ones playing Dill and Scout and Jem, are INCREDIBLE. And that actually goes for everyone. We had a run-through earlier this week, and I cried roughly eight separate times? (In reality, I started crying at the top of Act Two, and sort of kept crying off and on until the end.)

I have some dear friends in the cast, and it's been wonderful to strengthen those friendships. And despite my feelings of social anxiety, I'm slowly forming new friendships, too. Most of the cast were strangers to me at the beginning of rehearsals, but I love that friendships sort of naturally form while we're all building a show. Even though I feel awkward and uncertain sometimes, I feel so lucky to be surrounded by such amazing people. People who care deeply about this work, who are funny and kind and smart.

So many members of the cast have shared what "To Kill A Mockingbird" has meant to them over the years. During rehearsals, people have shared personal experiences, poems, things they've learned, thoughts on the show. Tears have been shed. Not every rehearsal is this overwhelming emotional experience. But that's beautiful, too--the banter-y rehearsals, the missed lines, the just dragging through it. I may be blinded by my love of theatre, but I'm legitimately disappointed when I'm not called to rehearsal. During our first read-through, the director pointed out that this story is timeless, but unfortunately, it's also timely. I think all of us feel a small sense of responsibility in telling this story. It's such an honor to be even a small part of this process. I feel so so so blessed.

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Hello again, and thank you.

It's been quite a year

Obligatory annual family newsletter post. Click to zoom in if necessary. I love you all.

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It's been quite a year

Three books, two bags, one me

Jacob and I just got back from a whirlwind trip to New York City, and I'm going to write about it.

So, both Jacob and my brother-in-law Dave made it to final callbacks at The New School. And I was free, so I decided to tag along and splurge on a few shows while I was there. We took the red-eye on Friday night, arriving Saturday morning, and then left again on Monday. So it was a SUPER SHORT trip, but we managed to pack some good times in there.

WHAT DIDN'T HAPPEN DURING OUR TRIP TO NEW YORK: 

1. Winning the lottery for Hamilton, even though we entered like, 3 times.
2. Running into Daniel Radcliffe and becoming friends with him, in a platonic "meet-cute" sort of situation. (Before we left Utah, I told Jacob that I had a daydream about this, and he replied, "You've had that daydream every time we've gone to New York." Which is true.)
3. Me opening Snapchat and singing "History is happenin' in Manhattan and we just happen to be in the greatest city in the world!" while wandering Manhattan. Even though I was tempted. Like, every 15 seconds that I was in Manhattan.

WHAT DID HAPPEN DURING OUR TRIP TO NEW YORK: 

Here it is in verbal form.

1. Jacob and I stayed with our friends, Sean and Danielle, whom we know from Rexburg. They recently moved to New York and we spent hours picking Danielle's brain about the acting work she's been doing.
2. Danielle and I got catcalled by a guy in a bagel costume. The catcalling thing would usually annoy me, but the addition of the bagel costume made the entire thing so ridiculous that I had to just laugh at it.
3. We were also able to run around with friends Omar (who was there doing acting career research) and Jeff (who lives there). Good times were had in the Drama Bookshop and Shake Shack.
4. Jacob and Dave did callbacks, which culminated in a  24-hour play festival, which I got to watch.
5. Saw an SLC friend Ben's one-man show, "The BYU/Berkley Plot."
6. Saw two Broadway shows, which I'll devote separate paragraphs to.
7. Wandered the Met by myself for a few hours.
8. Had this bizarre encounter while waiting in line for a play...

People behind me in line: "I think that show's closed. It's in Salt Lake now. Is it? I can't remember."
Me: "It is. I'm from Salt Lake."
People behind me in line: "No kidding! We are too!"
Me: "No way!"
People behind me in line: "So where in Salt Lake do you live?"
Me: "In South Salt Lake, near --- South and --- East. How about you?"
People behind me in line: "Whoa. We live at [names an address roughly two blocks away from our apartment]."

Of the 9 million people in New York City, we bumped into each other. The universe is bizarre, man.



And if you don't follow me on snapchat (@lizannechapman), here's the trip in snapchat story form.



And here's a brief, geeky drama kid earful about the two Broadway shows I got to see.

THE CURIOUS INCIDENT OF THE DOG IN THE NIGHT-TIME

I just re-read this book for my YA Lit class, so I was especially excited to see it adapted for the stage. And boy, was it adapted for the stage. The National Theatre just knows how to utilize THEATRE to tell a story. There are things you can do in theatre that you can't do in any other medium. And you guys. The sound design. The set design. The costumes. The concepts. THEATRE IS SO FRICKIN' MAGICAL. The show won Tony's this past year for Best Play, Best Direction, and Best Lighting Design, Best Scenic Design. It was nominated for Choreography, even though it wasn't a musical. Alex Sharp won Best Actor for his portrayal of Christopher. I saw his replacement, Tyler Lea, who was perfect and sympathetic and charming and wonderful and honest. I was so impressed by his work. 

Here are two clips, showing some highlights of the show. There aren't any good (legal) clips of specific scenes, just because the nature of the adaptation doesn't really separate the plot into tidy "scenes." Things transition pretty quickly. But these still give a good glimpse of the show.

SOMETHING ROTTEN

I was debating between seeing Fun Home and Something Rotten for my last show. But I finally decided that Curious Incident was a thought-provoking, moving piece of theatre, and that I should end my trip with a "big and shiny, mighty fine-y, glitter-glitz-and-chorus-line-y, bob-your-head-and-shake-your-hiney musical." So "Something Rotten" it was. And it was perfect.

First of all, Christian Borle. You know, the guy who won a Tony for playing Shakespeare in "Something Rotten"? Who won another Tony for the role of Black Stache in "Peter and the Starcatcher"? Who played various roles in the original cast of "Spamalot," including the Historian and Prince Herbert?

Yeah, him.

I got to see him. And he was totally deserving of that Tony Award.

The show was funny and dazzling and charming. There weren't any deep, dramatic messages, but there was joy and talent, and it gave me a song to sing for when I'm blue.

Here are a handful of clips from "Something Rotten." There are a few more of these, just because the show lends itself better to performances of certain numbers.

"It's Hard to Be the Bard" at the White House


"A Musical" at the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade


Mashup of "God I Hate Shakespeare" and "Will Power" from The Today Show



Jacob and I have no idea if New York is in our near future. He went to grad school auditions at several different schools around the country, and who knows what the results will be. And it could be that we decide to just stick around Salt Lake for a while after all.

But I left New York filled with the reminder that no matter where my life and career take me, I'll always always always adore theatre. My heart is just there, and I can't imagine that I'll ever be truly at home anywhere else. I belong to the theatre, undeniably and unavoidably. It was good for my soul to remember that.

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Three books, two bags, one me

Dear Diary

Well, it's been a while since I last wrote. I was gonna blog about Donald Drumpf at some point, but what more can I say than what has already been said? Thanks, John Oliver. I'm too tired to write at length about politics. I'm writing at length about writing, nowadays.

My MFA is going well. I kind of wish I had taken 3 classes instead of 2...I'll probably do that after these semesters are done. I'm taking poetry and screenwriting next semester--woo hoo!

I recently blogged about all the awesome stuff I have to look forward to. I've accomplished a few of them, and added a few more items. Disneyland was AMAZING. We rode Indiana Jones as a family 3 times, and all 3 times, Beckah got to be the driver. (Which meant that I spent most of the ride yelling at her to find the lights, step on the gas, and "get us outta here!" Apologies to our fellow riders, who didn't realize they were getting drama kids in their group.)We also introduced Beckah to Space Mountain, which she'd never been on. At the end of the ride, we all turned around to ask her what she thought, and she just looked at us and unsmilingly shook her head. Happy birthday, Beckah! Other highlights included watching a fireworks show from Main Street, almost crying on the Peter Pan ride, and, according to my FitBit, walking 57,342 steps in two days. (Daily average is about 8,000.)

(In line for Indiana Jones. Beckah and I have never looked more like sisters in a picture than we do in this picture. Even though all of us look kind of like cartoons.)

The trip to Rexburg last weekend was lovely, and I was reminded (again) of how lucky I am to have such amazing in-laws. Think of the best cast you've ever been in, or the best improv team you've been part of, or your best group of friends. Now realize that those people will be your actual family. FOREVER. It's so awesome.

In stuff added to the list of Things To Look Forward To, I don't start rehearsals for Cabaret until June, and I noticed that the Hale Orem was doing Jane Eyre, which closes June 4th, so I auditioned last-minute, and GOT CAST. I get to play THREE roles: mean ole schoolmarm Miss Scatcherd, the aristocratic Mrs. Dent, AND crazy, locked up Bertha Mason. I'm most excited about playing Bertha. And I get to be double cast with Lauren Hughes, one of my favorite fellow actresses.

I don't know what cast I'm in yet, but the show runs April 24th - June 4th! Details to follow. There are some familiar faces in the cast--folks I worked with during Damn Yankees and/or Oklahoma, and I'm excited to get to know them better, and to make new friends as well.

Of course, I don't know the music from this show AT ALL. And I was reminded last night at rehearsal that I suck at sight-reading. I spent twenty minutes tonight trying to plunk out notes on our keyboard. Why are the alto parts of awesome-sounding chords so HARD?

Also, I've been keeping this hush-hush for a while, but Jacob and I have been writing for a Late Nite type show exclusively on youtube, and we're filming the first episodes this Saturday! Well, they are. Jacob and I will be in New York. But our jokes will be spoken. The show is called That Late Show (with Cassidy Hilton) and the guests are all social media stars and it's gonna be awesome. We had a final planning/writing meeting tonight, and man, these people all know what they're doing. They're great comedians and storytellers and entertainers, and I'm just excited to be part of something like this. I'll post links to new episodes when they're uploaded! Aaaaaand if you're in the Salt Lake Area this weekend, go be part of the studio audience! There will be pizza, shirts, hilarity, and other feelings. Check out the Facebook event here.

Oh! And I've been snap-chatting a lot lately. I recently re-downloaded snapchat, and this time around, I'm a huge fan. My stories usually include cute snaps of my nephew, me rapping Hamilton, thoughts from my car about auditions, and other stuff that's interesting enough to share, but not interesting enough to share on Instagram. I hella snapped Disneyland, too, and I'll probably do the same with New York this weekend. Feel free to follow! Username lizannechapman.

Welp. Jacob and I are leaving for New York on a red-eye in less than 24 hours, and I'm starving, and my Kindle is calling my name, and the spot between Jacob's shoulder and jaw is missing my head. (I think that last part was romantic, but I'm not quite sure--it doesn't quite ring the way I wanted it to...the point is I want to cuddle?)

Sleep well, my dearies.

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Dear Diary

Obligatory newsletter post

I've had this in the works for two months, but I'm finally getting around to sharing it. It's missing the obligatory family portrait, but listen, we've been busy. You'll just have to imagine a beautiful photo of the two of us.

We're so grateful for the family and friends that made 2015 so beautiful. Here's to a wonderful 2016!



You can find Jacob's podcast here!
You can learn more about Liz's completely online MFA program here!

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Obligatory newsletter post

Currently...

Turbo-update...I ain't got time to finish all the detailed intellectual stuff I've got drafts of. Here's what's going on nowadays...

Current obsessions: 

1. My FitBit. This thing is changing my life. I'm gonna write a whole blog entry about it later, but in the meantime, know that I'm obsessed with it.

2. The song "I'd Rather Dance With You" by Kings of Convenience. This has been my ear worm for the last few days, and it has inspired multiple impromptu living room dance parties. (Other ear worm = "Deep Love.")

3. The podcast "Hello From the Magic Tavern." It is a gem of comedic improv GENIUS. If you have any interest in comedy or improv or stories or world-building, this is your thing. The basic idea is that a guy from Chicago has fallen through a portal behind a local Burger King, and landed in the magical world of Foon. But he brought his podcasting equipment with him, so he does a weekly podcast, along with his co-hosts, Chunt the talking badger (who's technically a shapeshifter), and the wizard Usidore. There are often other guests as well. Each episode is improv'd and it is so brilliant and it makes me want to just do improv with brilliant people. (WARNING: There is occasionally some language, and some suggestive material.)

4. NaNoWriMo. I'm deep into prep, and I have a rough outline for a story, and I'm excited to see where else it takes me as I write it.

NaNoWriMo prep work...outlines and brainstorming notes

5. Rimmel Provocalips lip color. A friend raved about it on Instagram a little while ago, so I went out and got myself two shades: "Make Your Move" and "Heartbreaker" and I'm in love. I don't know how it stays on, but it's magic lipstick voodoo that is NOT messing around. "Make Your Move" is really close to my natural lip color, but just adds a little "oomph" and it stays on ALL DAY. Kissing, eating, PUTTING ON CHAPSTICK. It doesn't end up looking all cakey and dry, either. Love it.

6. Acting. (Always.) I've had some pretty amazing screen opportunities lately, and someday I'll tell you all about them, but in the meantime, I signed all these crazy non-disclosure forms so I can't give more details until things are released or I'll get sued for billions of dollars and stuff. So that's been cool. I also had a callback for "Beau Jest" at the Hale in West Valley, so my fingers are crossed for that one. (I'll find out later this week if I'm cast.)

7. My non-glasses/non-contacted, LASIK-corrected eyes. It's the weirdest thing. I still reach for my glasses when I get up in the morning, before realizing I can see. I had a follow up appointment last Friday, and my vision is currently better than 20/20. I love it so much.

8. My nephew Benjamin. I watch him once a week, to give his mom some time to catch her breath and get stuff done. He's funny and imaginative and articulate. He's 2 1/2 and he loves music, going outside, Daniel Tiger, uncle Jacob, and rocks. (He like...really loves rocks. Whenever we're outside and he sees a pile, he has to go inspect them, usually selecting one to take home. He'll usually ask to hold a rock during his nap. Future geologist? Also, he usually asks me where Jacob is at least once an hour when he's at our house, and he's always a little sad when he learns that Jacob is at work.)

Current Non-Obsessions:

1. Thinking of really funny stand-up and/or Twitter material while I'm driving, and then forgetting it as soon as I have the opportunity to write it down.

Hope life is grand for everyone! Keep on keeping on.

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Currently...

Things I Have Loved About My 20s

I made a decision as a teenager to just enjoy my age, no matter what it was. I never wanted to be someone who pretended she was younger or older than she was...who turned "39" at every birthday after 40. I want to just embrace whatever age I am.

And now I'm approaching 30. I've got roughly a week and a half left of being 29, and then it will be September 8th, and I'll be leaving my twenties behind forever. And I find I don't even really have to try to embrace my age. I really enjoyed my twenties. I think I'll enjoy my thirties, too.

Of course, there are things about my twenties that I think I'll miss. Everything was a lot more dramatic throughout my twenties, it seems. Every decision was life-altering! Every love was a great love! Every friendship was an eternal friendship! Life was a non-stop adventure! As a Latter-day Saint, my adventures were probably pretty "vanilla." But I still had some good times, some of which are probably somewhat universal. Things like:

Staying up all night talking to someone, sleeping for a few hours after the sun rises, and then going to work/class despite the fact that you're barely awake.

Making plans with friends to visit a natural hot springs and then ending up in a casino on an Indian Reservation, in your bathing suits, during a blizzard. (No? Just me? Oh...)

Streaking. Flashing. Skinny-dipping. Almost anything involving nudity. I feel like it becomes less acceptable as you get older. Maybe it becomes more fun, though. I'll keep you posted. (I am, after all, naked, but not stupid...)

Making out with someone and then thinking, "Wait. Maybe that was stupid." (And usually being right.)

Eating really poorly, and totally getting away with it. I'm now almost 15 pounds heavier than I was when Jacob and I got married. My 24-year-old metabolism was working a lot better than my current one is.

Making mixed CDs and listening to them while taking long walks alone at night. I did this ALL THE TIME when I was at BYU-Idaho. I miss it sometimes, but I don't live in as safe a neighborhood nowadays. And I don't have quite the same need to go on those long walks now...I have less I need to figure out and ruminate on.

Having roommates. Sharing the bathroom, berating each other for not doing the dishes, making blanket forts, watching movies. And sharing clothes! Man, I miss having like 3 additional closets worth of clothes to choose from.

Not behaving like a responsible adult in stores--toy stores, grocery stores. This could mean both running around and being loud and obnoxious in general...it could also mean spending $40 on Nerf gun supplies. 

Being able to go out dancing, and having much more stamina than you will have later in life. 

Accepting bizarre circumstances without really questioning them. In my twenties, I made friends by wandering into their apartments at some point in the evening. I made friends by smearing chocolate on someone's face during a party.  

I feel like ages 20 - 29 is characterized by the thought, "Wait. How did I get here?" (Both literally and metaphorically.) I remember thinking that thought every now and then during college. It was rarely anything extraordinary, but it was sometimes odd enough that I'd think, "Wait. How did I end up at a grocery store at 11:57 at night with the saxophonist of this jazz combo, with a package of toilet paper and a bottle of sparkling cider in my arms?" Or, "Wait. How did I end up at a bonfire in the sand dunes with no shoes, along with this female drummer and some guy from Brazil named Luis?" Or, "Wait. How did I end up wandering through a graveyard after riding her on the back of this guy's motorcycle?" (All true stories, by the way.)

And there were also times when the question "How did I get here?" went a little deeper. Times when I thought, "How did I end up being kicked out of student housing and on academic probation?" Or "How did I get to be alone like this?" But they weren't all negative. There were times after Our Town rehearsals my freshman year, when I would sneak back into the theatre and stand on the empty stage, looking out at all the seats and thinking, "How did I get here? What wonderful thing could I have possibly done to be this lucky? That I get to do this?" Or when I would sit among laughing friends at the Dairy Queen after a Comic Frenzy show and think, "How did I get so many amazing people to be in my life? How could one person be so blessed, to be surrounded by such wonderful friends?"

And I still think those things now and then. As I move out of my twenties and into my thirties, I know there's still a lot of adventure, and a lot of good times, and a lot of bad times, and a lot of strange times ahead. But I feel like I've slowly been moving from turmoil to contentment.

So here's to my fourth decade on earth. I think it will be a good one.

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Things I Have Loved About My 20s

The year of the reel*

WELCOME TO THE NEW YEAR! I'm sure there are grammatical inconsistencies in this, but I'm too lazy to correct them. There are also several design inconsistencies, but I'm too lazy to correct those too. Anyway. Here's our family newsletter for 2014!

Also, if we look cool at all this past year, it's because of Cassidy Hilton. He took the above picture, and he also wrote and directed "The Interrogation," which is probably one of the coolest things we've ever filmed.

*double-entendre, pun intended. We dove into film work this year (film "reel") and made a lot of exciting transitions (the mind "reels"). 

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The year of the reel*

On love: The choice

Part One of Two

(This is kind of a long post, so I'd recommend grabbing a cream soda or something. Also, I'm kind of baring my soul here. Again. So get back on Facebook or whatever if you're not into that kind of thing.)

I've been thinking a lot about love lately. Sometimes there are ideas that are just on your radar, and for the past year or so, love has been on mine.

Okay, I confess, it's been on my radar for like, most of my life. But as I grow older, my understanding of love keeps growing and changing, and I've just been thinking a lot about it.

Here's one thing I know for sure: It takes courage to love. I also know it's worth it to love. That goes for loving people, loving things, loving in general.

A little while ago, I blogged about gratitude, and how I think that gratitude is both a choice AND something that can happen to you. And I'm beginning to think the same thing about love. The romantic world of books and movies and love songs would have us believe that love is only something that happens to you, but I don't think that's completely true. It can't be. You have to be able to choose whom or what you love, to some extent. At the very least, you've got to be able to choose what to do with the love that happens to you.

Maybe that's the moment that takes courage. Between love happening to you and choosing what to do with it. Because sometimes the thing that takes the most courage is to say, "Yes. I choose this, I choose us, I want to take this leap." But sometimes the most courageous thing is to say, "No. This is not the right thing, and I know we will both be better and more full and more complete if we walk away." I don't think either choice is always right or always wrong for every person in every situation. I've watched friends and family make both choices, for better or for worse. And all I know is that both choices are terrifying.

When I was in high school, we went on this Kiwanis Key Club Convention thing, where they didn't EVER feed us and where we went to a workshop called "Don't Call It Love." It was a guy talking about teen sexuality and relationships. (Yay Oregon!) He defined LOVE as "choosing the highest good for another person." And for a long time, I really believed that to be the best definition. But...I dunno, I feel like my definition has grown to include more than that.

I took kind of an informal survey among a few friends while I was thinking about all this, and asked them what they thought the definition of love was. One friend quoted T.S. Eliot in her reply, saying, "We should not over examine love, not seek to place it fixed and sprawling on a pin. Love just is, and thank God for that." I'm grateful for that perspective, and I think it's wise. But at the same time, I want to learn how to love better, and I'm interested in the question of what love is so that I can do that. A lot of the answers that people gave me had to do with selflessness. One friend said that love leaves you better than it found you. Several other friends pointed out that there are different kinds of love--romantic love and sexual love and friendship love.

I thought a lot about the idea that love leaves you better than it found you. I think about the people I've loved, and the ways that I've loved them. And the truth is, to quote Nazareth, that sometimes, love hurts. Not just when it leaves you, but sometimes loving someone you know you can't have hurts. It hurts to feel love for someone and to know that you can't ever be together, or that you would actually not make a great couple, or that they will never love you back in the same way. It can make you mean and scared and jealous and maybe even kind of crazy. It can also make you brave and strong and patient. I've been all of those things at some point or another, for better or for worse. For the most part, I've been blessed enough to rebuild any bridges I burned by being mean or scared or jealous or crazy. (Thank goodness for the perspective of time, the patience of friends, and the beauty of forgiveness.) So maybe, eventually, even the kind of love that hurts can leave you better than it found you, if you choose to let it.

Because here's the other thing I think about love. And this is true of friendship love or romantic love. The choice of what to do with the love that comes into your life is a daily one. There have been times in my life when I prayed to stop loving someone, because it hurt, for whatever reason. And there have been times in my life when I've prayed for help in loving someone more, or even at all. And I think I did that because I thought that love was only something that happened to me, and that I had to change what was going on inside of me, what I was feeling. But it never worked. Because feelings happen. They come, they go, they stay. Choices are where we can be brave, or jealous, or patient, or crazy, or strong.

Sometimes it's hard to know what the right choice is, to know what the best thing to do with the love we feel is. Romantic love is especially complicated. But when it comes to love in general, at the tender and wise age of twenty-nine, I'm beginning to think (and understand) that we have nothing to lose in following kind impulses. We have nothing to lose in selfless love. We have nothing to lose in lifting others up. I sometimes get caught up in thinking that each of us only has a certain amount of love that we can give or experience, and that we have to "spend" it wisely. But it's not true. The more you choose to let love make you brave and strong and patient, to more you choose to lift up the hands that hang down or write a quick note of encouragement or give a compliment or just listen to someone, the more your ability to love grows.

And as that love grows, you have more to give. And in the times when you feel depleted and empty of love, people will show up to give you the love that you need to keep going. And then once your own ability to love has brushed itself off and stood up again, you can be that person for someone else.

And that's a pretty beautiful part of being human.

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On love: The choice

"So many of us choose our paths out of fear disguised as practicality."

August 2014:

In order to:
1. Pursue theatre and maybe a little film among the many theaters and actors and producers and directors we have connections with in the Utah Valley area.
2. Build our resumes in more professional theatre settings before setting off on adventures elsewhere.

Why:




Jacob and I's collective passions are theatre, writing, comedy, and education. We're pretty sure that we will never make more than $60,000 in any given year of our life together, TOPS. But we're totally okay with that...it's more than enough to meet our needs. In American culture, pursuing career paths in theatre or writing seems illogical or frowned upon. But why would we pursue something we don't want to do, for money that we don't need? We'd rather be poor and happy than rich and hating our jobs.

We've been sitting on this knowledge for a while--our decision to move to Utah, I mean. I've been reluctant to stay in the Rocky Mountain area, but this move both makes sense and feels right. The fact that we've known for a while has also given me ample time to think about all the things we have to look forward to:

1. Theatre/film opportunities! This is the main reason we're heading down there--there are so many more options and opportunities available, and we're excited to explore them all.

2. Restaurants. So many. So good. My eating out habit is about to get worse. And better. (Jacob, DO YOU REALIZE WE'LL HAVE ACCESS TO IN-AND-OUT BURGER ALL THE TIME?!)

3. The airport. It's RIGHT THERE. I don't have to look for more expensive flights from Idaho Falls or worry about taking the shuttle.

4. Public transportation! Buses! Trains! Yay for options and greener living!

5. IKEA. When decoration is needed, it shall be done both inexpensively and well.

6. H and M. Not that we really NEED more clothes, but if and when we do, they shall be well-fitting, inexpensive, and good-looking.

7. Concerts! A good handful of bands make their way to Salt Lake City, and we shall watch them play shows. There's also much more of a music scene in the area than there is in Rexburg. Rexburg has a DECENT scene, but not a big one, and people in Rexburg aren't willing to pay for shows, so bands don't always last very long.

8. Friends! We have a handful of close friends and a handful of respected acquaintances and we're excited to spend time with more of them.

9. Family! Grandma and Grandpa Fraughton, let's meet up to talk about holistic medicine and jam in that old church home of yours. And speaking of holistic medicine, Uncle Don and family, how about dinner sometime?

10. Costco. You can bet your bottom shekel that I'll be getting a membership.

11. Community classes. In a big city like Salt Lake, there are plenty of dance studios and arial silks gymnastics classes and fencing workshops and pole dancing lessons and so much more. Hooray for life-long learning!

12. And Trader Joe's! I hadn't even thought of that until my mother-in-law brought it up.

13. Places will be open past midnight!




There are a lot of things we will miss about Rexburg. Family, friends, the university. But we're excited for this next adventure. I kept thinking, while we were brainstorming about our "next step," that it would somehow have to be our final one, or a long-term one. But it doesn't have to be. It makes me feel a bit unsettled, but also gives me an enormous amount of comfort. We don't have to plan everything right now. Just one step at a time. This is one leg of the journey, and who knows where it will take us.

We're still working out the details--where exactly we're living, steady income, specific dates. But whatever those details are, I feel good about where we're heading, and why.

On a related note, a brief reminder:

Wanna help support other big dreams? 

Donate to "Bielzy and Gottfried" and enter the blog giveaway! 

Deadline is noon (MDT) on Friday, June 20th! 

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"So many of us choose our paths out of fear disguised as practicality."

Donation Giveaway!

I've never done one of these blog giveaway things before, so you know it's an important cause now that I AM doing one.

So, Jacob was in a play a few years ago called "Bielzy and Gottfried," written by one of the theatre professors here on campus. He's been asked to reprise his role this July at the Midtown International Theatre Festival in New York City! He's also accompanying the show on the guitar. It's an incredible opportunity for him to make a few connections and build his resume. But as you can imagine, an 11-day trip to New York City doesn't come cheap. So he and the rest of the cast and crew have set up a Go Fund Me campaign. (It's like Kickstarter, except you still get to keep the money if you don't make your goal.) And I am asking you, humble readers, to donate.

But there's something in it for you! We're doing a little giveaway for those who donate $5 or more to the cause. Every $5 you donate gets you one entry in the giveaway. And your prize?

1 Namaste tote bag from Seeker of Happiness ($12)

1 $10 Jamba Juice gift card ($10)

A free signed copy of my poetry book, "The Scent of Water" ($9/priceless)

A personal song of thanks written and recorded by Jacob Chapman (priceless)

2 king size candy bars of your choice ($2)

A signed copy of Midas Whale's album "Sugar House" (priceless/$9)*

One framed art print of a quote of your choice ($10)

A signed copy of the script of "Bielzy and Gottfried" (priceless)

That's like, $50 worth of awesome. Plus all that priceless stuff.
So it's like, an awesome, priceless prize.

THE RULES

So here's how it will work! Go to the GoFundMe campaign page. Donate whatever amount you'd like--every $5 gets you one entry into the giveaway (so, if you donate $20, you get 4 entries). Be sure to include at least your first name, and in the comment section, write "Blog giveaway." Like this: 

Then, one week from today, I shall gather up all the names of those who have donated, and draw one lucky winner. You can enter as many times as you would like! And remember that the more you donate, the better your chances of winning! Aaaaaaand, you will qualify for the rewards on GoFundMe as well. So even if you don't win the giveaway, you'll still get some cool stuff just for participating.

GIVEAWAY CLOSES ON 

FRIDAY, JUNE 20TH AT HIGH NOON, MOUNTAIN STANDARD TIME. 

So what are you waiting for? Go donate! 

Click here to visit GoFundMe.com

* For you Midas Whale fans out there, Jon is playing the role of Job in the production of Bielzy and Gottfried! 

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Donation Giveaway!

Of all the gin joints in all the world...

I'm related to these people. This is Jacob's sister and her husband being all classy.

That moment when Dave walked out of the shadow? Classic.

)

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Of all the gin joints in all the world...

In other news...

2014 is here! Here's our family newsletter for the year 2013.

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In other news...

Beginner's Guide to Going Green, Part 2: Big Ideas To Keep In Mind

Welcome to "A Beginner's Guide to Going Green," a 2-part blog series about living more sustainably, no matter where you live or what your budget is!

BEFORE I START, A CAVEAT: So, a lot of people disagree that our planet is in crisis. I'm not really interested in debating that here. I've done a lot of research and have come to my conclusions based on careful studying of the issues and prayerful thought. If you're not interested in changing your lifestyle or disagree with those who want to change theirs, I invite you to read something in another corner of the internet. I'm continually researching global warming and environmentalism, and I invite you to do that research on your own as well.

Okay, now that's out of the way.

Look, something you can pin to Pinterest! If you're into that sort of thing.

So let's say you want to live greener. You want to live more sustainably. You want to exercise better stewardship over the earth. But then you start to think about all the changes you would need to make and get totally overwhelmed.

Don't worry. That's common.

The thing is that we're so used to our high standard of living that we assume our lives will have to change DRASTICALLY in order to save the earth. But those drastic changes don't have to happen all at once, and even if you only make one or two small, non-drastic changes, that helps!

In Part 1: 15 Easy Ways to Save the Planet, I gave you a few concrete tips on how to live more sustainably. If you're already doing those things and want to do MORE, or if you're confused about the reasoning behind some of those tips, here are a few big ideas that govern green living...the "why" behind the "what." Knowing these things will help you make greener decisions.

I'm kind of giving the "reader's digest" version of all of these concepts, so feel free to do some of your own research if you'd like. These are the basics. (A warning: you'll probably find a lot of controversy surrounding a lot of these ideas. Of course you're welcome to make your own conclusions.) 

Greenhouse Gas
So the earth is surrounded by an atmosphere that protects it from the hazards of space...things like meteors and certain wavelengths of UV light. The atmosphere is made up of a handful of gases, and some of them are what we call "greenhouse gases." These gases let energy from the sun IN, but don't let them back OUT. Normally, this is a good thing...it's what keeps our planet warm and makes life possible. But when there's a LOT of greenhouse gas in the atmosphere, it traps more heat, warming up our planet. The earth naturally goes through periods of being colder or warmer, but when it happens too fast, it can get pretty hairy. Right now, there's a LOT of greenhouse gas...way more than there should be. All that gas is trapping a lot of heat on the earth right now, which melts ice caps, affects weather patterns, raises sea levels, and disrupts every ecosystem on the planet.

Fossil Fuels
Fossil fuels come from decomposing organisms from thousands of years ago, and include oil, natural gas, petroleum and coal. They're bad for the environment for two reasons: first, the process of mining them takes a big toll on the environment, destroying biodiversity and leaking chemicals into the ground. Second, their use releases greenhouse gases into the atmosphere. See above. But fossil fuels don't just give us gasoline...we use fossil fuels for EVERYTHING. They're often burned to give us electricity and to create plastics.

Travel Footprint
Buying stuff that was grown or made far away takes a big toll on the environment, because of all the fuel used to get it to wherever you are. This is one of the big things to keep in mind when you're shopping, especially for food. (You may find some organic, wholesome, all-natural jam at the grocery store, but the grapes came from France and you live in Idaho. In that case, it's probably better for the earth to just buy the non-organic local jam.)

Organic Products 
Organic products are grown and processed without the use of irradiation, sewage sludge, synthetic fertilizers, prohibited pesticides, genetically modified organisms, or hormones. (Now you're thinking. "Wait...my food was processed with SEWAGE SLUDGE?!) The USDA has pretty strict standards when it comes to what they certify, and their organic program's mission is to preserve biodiversity and protect resources, so most of the time, organic is a good way to go. But be careful...if it doesn't have the USDA seal, it wasn't certified through the government and might not be TRULY organic. Look for this on things you buy:

Humane Treatment
This applies mostly to food and cosmetics. When it comes to food, chickens, cows and pigs often live in cramped quarters, without room to move, and a lot of them die from their living conditions. Look for phrases like "cage-free" and "free-range" on your eggs, chicken, beef, and pork. When it comes to cosmetics, look for labels indicating no animal testing. Sadly, animal testing is STILL going on in the United States for more than just medicine. Giving animals good living conditions does a couple of things for the earth...number one, it's just good stewardship. Number two, large industrial farms with poor living conditions release a ton of carbon dioxide and methane, just from processing.

"Dirty" Companies
There are a handful of what I call "dirty companies" out there...companies that have bad reputations for environmentalism. Some of them include Tyson, Monsanto, and the Koch Brothers (who own LOTS of other companies). Learning about "dirty companies" takes a LOT of research, and you have your own standards of what you will and will not stand for.

Fair Trade
This one is sometimes not as much about environmentalism as it is about stewardship. It's also something to keep in mind as you're shopping. There are a handful of products that are in such high demand and make so much money that they're often manufactured in third world countries in dangerous conditions (child labor, long hours, bad pay, etc). Sugar and cocao (chocolate) are two big culprits. "Fair Trade" labels indicate that the product was manufactured without those bad conditions.

Chemicals
I guess I shouldn't say "chemicals," because technically, chemicals are in EVERYTHING. But there are a lot of harsh chemicals that can be easily avoided. Cleaning supplies often contain lots of harsh chemicals that get into the groundwater, rivers and streams, destroying biodiversity and disrupting ecosystems. Most of the time, you can find "green" cleaning supplies at any store, or just use household alternatives like baking soda and vinegar. When using chemicals like paints, solvents, and anything that goes in a car, be sure to dispose of them properly. Just throwing them into a dumpster can release them into the wild. Take them to your local garbage disposal instead.




Whew! That's a lot to take in, I know. This list of things can feel a little overwhelming, more than the list in part one. If you're feeling overwhelmed, you can try to incorporate one item at a time into your shopping habits. For example, for one month, you'll focus on buying organic. Another month, you'll focus on buying local. After a while, you'll find a balance of what works for you and your family. If you'd like to incorporate all of these ideas at once, here's a handy checklist for your shopping!

Sometimes when you research "going green" and environmentalism, you can start to feel a little hopeless. Things are looking pretty rough for our planet right now, and it's easy to feel like the things you're doing aren't making a difference. But think of this. If EVERYONE did just a little, it can make a HUGE difference. And there are lots of people out there trying to live a little more sustainably. You aren't building the Colosseum single-handedly. There are lots of people carrying bricks, and the more people who carry bricks, the more we can get done. So spread the word! Be the change you want to see in the world. Research. Find the truth and form your opinions. Decide what you can do and do it! It sounds cheesy, but together, we really can make a difference.

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Beginner's Guide to Going Green, Part 2: Big Ideas To Keep In Mind

A Beginner's Guide to Going Green, Part 1: 15 Easy Ways to Save the Planet

Welcome to "A Beginner's Guide to Going Green," a 2-part blog series about living more sustainably, no matter where you live or what your budget is!

BEFORE I START, A CAVEAT: So, a lot of people disagree that our planet is in crisis. I'm not really interested in debating that here. I've done a lot of research and have come to my conclusions based on careful studying of the issues and prayerful thought. If you're not interested in changing your lifestyle or disagree with those who want to change theirs, I invite you to read something in another corner of the internet. I'm continually researching global warming and environmentalism, and I invite you to do that research on your own as well.

Okay, now that's out of the way.

Look, something you can pin to Pinterest! If you're into that sort of thing.

So let's say you want to live greener. You want to live more sustainably. You want to exercise better stewardship over the earth. But then you start to think about all the changes you would need to make and get totally overwhelmed.

Don't worry. That's common.

The thing is that we're so used to our high standard of living that we assume our lives will have to change DRASTICALLY in order to save the earth. But those drastic changes don't have to happen all at once, and even if you only make one or two small, non-drastic changes, that helps!

My husband and I have been slowly trying to make our lives more sustainable and earth-friendly over the last year or so, and it's a journey that will continue for a few years yet. Each of these changes in our lifestyle are minor, but over time, they can make a big difference. Many of these changes aren't necessarily COMPLETELY sustainable, just a lot MORE sustainable. You gotta start somewhere. And a lot of these tips will save you money as well!

I'd recommend doing these things one month at a time if you're feeling overwhelmed. You don't have to make all these changes at once. You can say, "For the month of April, we'll implement idea #2." Then the next month, add idea #6. Etc.

IDEA #1 - Phase out the use of plastic bags.
Plastic is made with fossil fuels, and it takes decades for a plastic bag to biodegrade. We actually don't know how long it takes them to biodegrade because the first ones ever used are still in landfills. Invest in some canvas bags for groceries. A lot of grocery stores sell them for around $1 apiece, and offer small discounts when you use them. It's harder to phase out plastic bags when it comes to taking out the trash, but consider using a bag multiple times (just empty it into the bin) or investing in recycled or biodegradable bags.

IDEA #2 - Phase out the use of disposable plastic water bottles.
Not only will this save you TONS of money, you're keeping more plastic out of the landfills! The making of plastic products releases a lot of greenhouse gases as well. Why pay $1.89 for something you can get for almost free? Invest in an at-home water filter (either for the faucet or a pitcher for the fridge) and buy a more permanent water bottle.

IDEA #3 - Cut back on red meat
The farming, slaughtering, packaging and distribution of beef is one of the major contributors to greenhouse gas release in the United States. By choosing a salad or fries or chicken nuggets instead of that burger, you're lowering demand for beef. As demand lowers, less will be produced. AAAAnd you'll be healthier! You can also consider cutting meat out altogether.

IDEA #4 - Unplug things when you're not using them
Many appliances use electricity even when they're not turned on, so unplugging them will save some electricity (and some money on your power bill). Electricity is commonly generated by burning fossil fuels, so you're lowering carbon emissions by using less electricity.

IDEA #5 - Turn off lights
Open curtains to let natural light in whenever you can. At night, only use lights in the room you're in. This will save you even more electricity.

IDEA #6 - Recycle
If your area has a recycling program, start using it! If you're not sure where to put your recycling bins in your house, remember that unlike regular garbage, plastic and paper doesn't smell, so you can put recycling bins on your front porch, in a coat closet, or anywhere else. You can also use two smaller garbage cans instead of one big one. (There's some debate about the value of recycling...the process of recycling releases some greenhouse gases and other chemicals. But from my research, buying new things is even WORSE.)

IDEA #7 - Buy things second-hand
The production of "new things" is a big contributor to greenhouse gas emissions. They have to be built using machines that use electricity (burning fossil fuels), then transported (using fossil fuels). Consider shopping at thrift stores, swap meets, and on craigslist for things you need. Re-using things keeps them out of landfills, and it keeps the demand for "new things" low. Try organizing a swap meet in your neighborhood for appliances and clothing.

IDEA #8 - Eat locally and seasonally
When food has to be transported long distances--especially fruits and vegetables--they have to be picked earlier, treated with chemicals, and then trucked thousands of miles using fossil fuels. Consider buying fruits and vegetables at a local Farmer's Market, and cutting back on fresh fruits and vegetables in the winter. If you really want to get domestic, you could can and preserve fresh fruits and vegetables in the summer to enjoy them all year long.

IDEA #9 - Eat organically
The jury's still out on exactly HOW good eating organically really is for the earth, since organic food often has to travel long distances, using fossil fuels. BUT organic farmers grow their food without the use of pesticides, which is really good for the earth. Pesticides are not only pretty bad for people, but they kill a lot of bugs that the local ecosystem needs. A healthy earth depends on biodiversity, and eating organically helps preserve that biodiversity.

IDEA #10 - Walk, bike, carpool, or use public transportation
This is especially easier when the weather gets nice, but it is possible year-round in many areas. Cutting back on personal car-driving cuts back on the emissions going into the atmosphere.

IDEA #11 - Buy energy-efficient appliances/vehicles
If you're, like, a real grown up who has to buy appliances and stuff, and if you need new ones, consider purchasing some that are energy-efficient. It will use less electricity, saving you money and reducing the use of fossil fuels. If you're buying a new car, research which vehicles have the lowest emissions, or purchase a hybrid or electric vehicle.

IDEA #12 - Use old jars instead of tupperware/plastic wrap/ziploc bags to store food. 
A glass peanut butter jar does just as well storing food as a plastic tupperware container does. You're re-using something, so you're keeping the production of "new stuff" low, and you're avoiding plastic, and you're saving money!

IDEA #13 - Replace lightbulbs in your home with CFLs.
"CFL" stands for "compact fluorescent lamp." CFLs do the same job as regular lightbulbs, but they use way less energy and last lots longer. Be careful when you're throwing them away, though...they do contain small amounts of mercury, so they need to be taken to a recycling facility or the local trash company.

IDEA #14 - Compost or start a wormery
I'm still doing my own research on this, but food scraps, yard waste, and some paper products can be biodegraded on your own property, then reused as fertilizer. If you have a backyard, you can start a compost pile. If you're in an apartment, you can start a "wormery," an indoor compost box with a few worms to speed up the process and keep things from getting smelly. Check if your local library has a book on composting or building a wormery.

IDEA #15 - Organize a co-op or neighborhood garden
A co-op is a great way to save a little money and take your food sources into your own hands. The basic idea is that you get together with a few other families and share the cost, labor, and benefits of a garden or raising chickens or cows. If you live out in the country, this may be a little easier. But apartment dwellers can also ask the property manager if an area can be set aside for a garden. You can even go to your local city council and ask if there's a patch of ground that can be used. Take turns weeding and watering, and when the time is right, share in the harvest.

Happy green living! 

Tune in next time for Part 2: Big Ideas to Keep In Mind. I'll list a few of the basic concepts behind green living that can help you make more sustainable consumer decisions.

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A Beginner's Guide to Going Green, Part 1: 15 Easy Ways to Save the Planet