Misadventures of an Elementary School Secretary

I found this short blog entry in the backlog of drafts, and it made me smile. I miss those Alianza days. 

Things I'm Surprised to Find Myself Saying While Working As An Elementary School Secretary:

"Don't eat things you find growing on the ground. It could be wild parsley, or it could be POISON HEMLOCK, so please take it out of your mouth."

"The same goes for mushrooms you find on the playground. Don't eat those either."

"Please stop walking on that stranger's lawn."

"If you're cold when you go outside, you should put your coat ON, instead of HOLDING it."

"Just because someone's water bottle looks to you like a 'rainbow penis' doesn't mean you need to point it out."

"Please do not pelvic thrust. Or crab walk. And please do not do both at the same time."

"Even though you said it in the context of kindness, as in 'he's my f***ing friend,' please do not use the F-word at school. Especially since you're a kindergartener."

"I appreciate your love of 'ancient languages,' but just saying the word 'penis' over and over again, does not an ancient language make."

Share:facebook - twitter - pinterest

Misadventures of an Elementary School Secretary

The Island King

Dug this out of the drafts today. This is an old entry from like, November, inspired by the story I told a friend when he laid down on the couch before rehearsal and said, "Tell me a story!" Also inspired by my mother, who has made up short, enchanting stories like this one since my childhood, and continues to do so to this day, occasionally posting them on her blog. 

Once upon a time, there was a young boy. He lived all alone on a desert island. One day, as he was walking along the perimeter of his home, he thought to himself, "If I am the only one here, I must be the ruler." He stopped and said out loud, "Why, I'm the king of this island!"

And no sooner had the words left his lips than an enormous crowd of people appeared. They came out of the jungle, they stepped up from behind him in the sand, they crawled out of the ocean. One among them stepped forward, bowed before the boy, and said, "We have been waiting the arrival of a king."

The boy was surprised, but took this all in stride. Just to be polite, he bowed in return.

"Thank you," he said.

The man who had spoken looked up at the boy. "We have been waiting for a ruler who can slay the creature who has us at our mercy." They explained that their island floated on the back of a giant sea monster, who would occasionally eat a wandering islander, but they couldn't figure out how to destroy it without also destroying themselves.

Well, the young king had never been asked to do something like this before, so he was a little unsure how to proceed. He gathered all the island's scientists to form a plan. (They were just sort of "freelance scientists," as the island didn't have any universities.)

Finally, they came up with an idea. It was a little risky, but it involved killing the monster and then attempting to re-inflate it using primitive bellows. They all gathered the necessary supplies and on a certain day, they gathered to enact their plan. They were just about to thrust their spears into the creature's side when suddenly they heard its voice rise up from the sea!

"Oh, do not slay me! I only wish to be loved! I do not mean to eat your people. I mistake them for seals and other sea creatures! I'm sorry for the sorrow I've caused you."

The islanders and the king stood back in amazement. Finally, the boy king spoke. "Creature, if we wear bright colors when we swim, so that you do not mistake us for seals, can we live in harmony?"

"Yes! Yes!" the sea creature cried.

So the islanders all agreed to wear bright colors whenever they swam, and the sea creature lived in harmony with them, letting them float on his back, and joining his voice with their island festivities. And they all gathered their weapons of war, and build a mighty monument out of them, and there it remained on the beach for the rest of time, as a reminder of the day that the young king brought peace to the the island.

Share:facebook - twitter - pinterest

The Island King

Playing With Fire (And Winning)

Writing comes to me in phases. And I think it's a sort of feedback loop, too...the more I write, the more I want to write, and the more I want to write, the more I write, etc. And I just haven't been writing as much, so this blog has been quiet. But I'm aiming to change that.

(Although I don't know why I'm blogging right now. I'm having one of those times when my brain is struggling with sentences. This happens to me now and then, when I'm very tired. I just can't quite get English to work right. But f*** it, Ima publish this anyway.)

Anyway, I'm playing Bertha in "Jane Eyre" at HCTO (among other roles), and it's hard. And awesome. And hard. Only because it's hard to go to that crazy place. It's kinda scary. (For those unfamiliar with the story of Jane Eyre, Bertha is mentally insane.)

When I'm in my deepest phases of anxiety, one of my biggest fears is that I'll go crazy. In my early twenties, during the very worst times of panic attacks, I sometimes wished I would go crazy, just to escape my fear of it. I figured that if I was completely out of touch with reality, nothing could scare me. Years ago, during one of my worst anxiety episodes, I read a short story called "The Yellow Wallpaper" for a class, and it messed me up for YEARS. Now that I'm in a better place emotionally, I can appreciate the story for its literary merits, although it still sends shivers up my spine. I re-read it in preparation for playing Bertha. (I also sent a copy to my double, who was equal parts disturbed and appreciative.)

The awesome news is that the wig I'll be wearing is EXACTLY, PERFECTLY what I had envisioned. It's long and black and sort of tangly and big. It's perfect. After getting the wig, I've started wearing a long scarf in rehearsal as a sort of "stand in wig"...something to play with in character. Man, I'm excited to show you guys. Seeing myself in that wig made me feel way more connected to Bertha than I had been, but I was still a little scared.

Then, this week, we blocked a scene with Bertha in it. And it's the last scene we've blocked with Bertha in it. And I feel like I FOUND Bertha in that scene. I felt better about my work in that scene than I did in any of the others, even though in that scene I was the CRAZIEST. Violent and out of touch and sad.

And I think it's because I just allowed myself to just go there. To just go for it, without worrying about what other people will think, or even what I thought. It was sort of the equivalent of jumping into the water when you know it's freezing. You just gotta do it. You just gotta rip off the band-aid. I didn't give myself time to think or be scared. And it was a BLAST. I loved rehearsing that scene. I can't wait to do it again.

Now, of course, I'm trying to figure out how to bring THAT Bertha into the other scenes. There's one in particular that I'm struggling with--partly because I'm having trouble with the direction I've been given...I'm just not able to motivate it very well. I think I can make it work; I just have to sit down with the underscoring and figure it out.

It was a cool little acting lesson for me. Here's what I learned: I was scared to go to that crazy place because it's a place that I'm afraid actually resides in me. And I felt sure that if I reveal it, everyone would quietly turn around and abandon me, because who could ever love someone with something so scary and dark and mad within them? But for all my preaching about the empowering nature of vulnerability, I wasn't very good at it. I saw during that one rehearsal how safe the world of theatre actually can be. I faced that demon and it shrunk. I'm still kinda scared...I think I always will be. Both of being judged (either for the dark craziness or for the crappy acting), and of not being able to get out of that crazy space.

But I proved to myself this week that A) no one is judging me nearly as harshly as I think they are, and B) I can go to that crazy space and totally come back out again. Not only that, but it's THRILLING to do so. And bizarrely, a lot of fun. There's something liberating in just pacing like an animal and trying to scratch faces and being dragged away to a chair with shackles. Man, I love acting.

So go for it, you guys. My fellow actors, just commit. It might be way more fun than you realized.

Share:facebook - twitter - pinterest

Playing With Fire (And Winning)

Three books, two bags, one me

Jacob and I just got back from a whirlwind trip to New York City, and I'm going to write about it.

So, both Jacob and my brother-in-law Dave made it to final callbacks at The New School. And I was free, so I decided to tag along and splurge on a few shows while I was there. We took the red-eye on Friday night, arriving Saturday morning, and then left again on Monday. So it was a SUPER SHORT trip, but we managed to pack some good times in there.

WHAT DIDN'T HAPPEN DURING OUR TRIP TO NEW YORK: 

1. Winning the lottery for Hamilton, even though we entered like, 3 times.
2. Running into Daniel Radcliffe and becoming friends with him, in a platonic "meet-cute" sort of situation. (Before we left Utah, I told Jacob that I had a daydream about this, and he replied, "You've had that daydream every time we've gone to New York." Which is true.)
3. Me opening Snapchat and singing "History is happenin' in Manhattan and we just happen to be in the greatest city in the world!" while wandering Manhattan. Even though I was tempted. Like, every 15 seconds that I was in Manhattan.

WHAT DID HAPPEN DURING OUR TRIP TO NEW YORK: 

Here it is in verbal form.

1. Jacob and I stayed with our friends, Sean and Danielle, whom we know from Rexburg. They recently moved to New York and we spent hours picking Danielle's brain about the acting work she's been doing.
2. Danielle and I got catcalled by a guy in a bagel costume. The catcalling thing would usually annoy me, but the addition of the bagel costume made the entire thing so ridiculous that I had to just laugh at it.
3. We were also able to run around with friends Omar (who was there doing acting career research) and Jeff (who lives there). Good times were had in the Drama Bookshop and Shake Shack.
4. Jacob and Dave did callbacks, which culminated in a  24-hour play festival, which I got to watch.
5. Saw an SLC friend Ben's one-man show, "The BYU/Berkley Plot."
6. Saw two Broadway shows, which I'll devote separate paragraphs to.
7. Wandered the Met by myself for a few hours.
8. Had this bizarre encounter while waiting in line for a play...

People behind me in line: "I think that show's closed. It's in Salt Lake now. Is it? I can't remember."
Me: "It is. I'm from Salt Lake."
People behind me in line: "No kidding! We are too!"
Me: "No way!"
People behind me in line: "So where in Salt Lake do you live?"
Me: "In South Salt Lake, near --- South and --- East. How about you?"
People behind me in line: "Whoa. We live at [names an address roughly two blocks away from our apartment]."

Of the 9 million people in New York City, we bumped into each other. The universe is bizarre, man.



And if you don't follow me on snapchat (@lizannechapman), here's the trip in snapchat story form.



And here's a brief, geeky drama kid earful about the two Broadway shows I got to see.

THE CURIOUS INCIDENT OF THE DOG IN THE NIGHT-TIME

I just re-read this book for my YA Lit class, so I was especially excited to see it adapted for the stage. And boy, was it adapted for the stage. The National Theatre just knows how to utilize THEATRE to tell a story. There are things you can do in theatre that you can't do in any other medium. And you guys. The sound design. The set design. The costumes. The concepts. THEATRE IS SO FRICKIN' MAGICAL. The show won Tony's this past year for Best Play, Best Direction, and Best Lighting Design, Best Scenic Design. It was nominated for Choreography, even though it wasn't a musical. Alex Sharp won Best Actor for his portrayal of Christopher. I saw his replacement, Tyler Lea, who was perfect and sympathetic and charming and wonderful and honest. I was so impressed by his work. 

Here are two clips, showing some highlights of the show. There aren't any good (legal) clips of specific scenes, just because the nature of the adaptation doesn't really separate the plot into tidy "scenes." Things transition pretty quickly. But these still give a good glimpse of the show.

SOMETHING ROTTEN

I was debating between seeing Fun Home and Something Rotten for my last show. But I finally decided that Curious Incident was a thought-provoking, moving piece of theatre, and that I should end my trip with a "big and shiny, mighty fine-y, glitter-glitz-and-chorus-line-y, bob-your-head-and-shake-your-hiney musical." So "Something Rotten" it was. And it was perfect.

First of all, Christian Borle. You know, the guy who won a Tony for playing Shakespeare in "Something Rotten"? Who won another Tony for the role of Black Stache in "Peter and the Starcatcher"? Who played various roles in the original cast of "Spamalot," including the Historian and Prince Herbert?

Yeah, him.

I got to see him. And he was totally deserving of that Tony Award.

The show was funny and dazzling and charming. There weren't any deep, dramatic messages, but there was joy and talent, and it gave me a song to sing for when I'm blue.

Here are a handful of clips from "Something Rotten." There are a few more of these, just because the show lends itself better to performances of certain numbers.

"It's Hard to Be the Bard" at the White House


"A Musical" at the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade


Mashup of "God I Hate Shakespeare" and "Will Power" from The Today Show



Jacob and I have no idea if New York is in our near future. He went to grad school auditions at several different schools around the country, and who knows what the results will be. And it could be that we decide to just stick around Salt Lake for a while after all.

But I left New York filled with the reminder that no matter where my life and career take me, I'll always always always adore theatre. My heart is just there, and I can't imagine that I'll ever be truly at home anywhere else. I belong to the theatre, undeniably and unavoidably. It was good for my soul to remember that.

Share:facebook - twitter - pinterest

Three books, two bags, one me

I'm never gonna dance again the way I danced with you

It’s Tuesday, and Beau Jest has been closed for three days. I gave myself Sunday and Monday to mourn, and today is the day I’ve given myself to officially say goodbye to the show. I’ll be ready to move on after today.

Monday was difficult. I knew exactly where my phone and keys were at all times, and it was the worst. When I said or did something funny, the room was mostly silent, and I felt the absence of 600 people’s joy. There was a thrill that was missing from every moment. I stayed in bed until noon.

I think the thing that will stand out in my memories of this show is the playfulness that infused us. We exchanged stories at the cast party. “We didn’t really have many things go wrong,” the THS cast said. I looked at Bryan. “I think we had something happen every single night,” I replied. Bryan breaking the remote, over and over again, and the final night that he caught it mid-air, and stood looking in astonishment at it in his hand. (“I’m sorry…I’m just really impressed that I caught that.” The audience applauded his sportsmanship while I smiled at him, open-mouthed in amazement.) The night Ben and Bryan missed their high five, TWICE, and I sat at the desk and laughed, trying to hide my face. The beautiful, beautiful night when the door-frame broke, and Ben embracing the comedy of it so perfectly, and Betsy and I standing hand in hand, trying to get it together enough to say our lines. I brushed up against that column of light every single night.

After months of rehearsing and performing, the set became comfortable in the way your own apartment does. I will miss the blue couch, it’s velvet brightness and the way I felt comfortable and safe in it. I’d lay on it in Act Two, facing the ceiling and hearing Joel psychoanalyzing, and sit up blinded from the stage lights to look at Bob and say out loud that I wanted to be with him. The yellow ottoman, with its one faint black stain on the side, became “my spot” during rehearsal. At the end of each performance, I could barely stay balanced as I turned and bowed while standing on it. My feet have memorized the distance between the phone and the desk, the couch and the bedroom door, the sideboard and the table.

“Take My Breath Away” and “Don’t You Forget About Me” will forever be Beau Jest songs. And “Careless Whisper.” Always “Careless Whisper.” On closing weekend, Jacob was in New York, and he told me later that he walked out of his hotel to a man playing the saxophone on the street, wailing “Careless Whisper” with all of the enthusiasm of Chris in his turtleneck. He gave him $5, because “he f***ing earned it, man.” I like to think that at the exact same moment, the song was playing in the Hale Centre Theatre in West Valley, Utah…a cosmic connection. At the end of intermission, Bryan and I would stand backstage, ready to walk out in the black out, dancing to the Post-Modern Jukebox cover. Some nights Bryan would make up wildly inappropriate lyrics of his own. I would laugh while trying to get the left-over challah out of my teeth, knowing we were about to kiss a half a dozen times and not wanting to have bread in my teeth for it.

I was so nervous about the stage kisses before rehearsals started. But I’ve been baptized by all kinds of fire, and feel more capable as an actress having added the experience to my resume. I spent most of my life believing I wasn’t pretty enough to ever be a “leading lady.” I've come to see my own beauty over the years, but I've never thought of it as "leading lady beauty," and I spent the first few weeks of Beau Jest rehearsals believing that I was cast because I was funny, and that they just chose to live without the pretty. It was astonishing to realize, slowly and gradually, that others saw the pretty, too. I have never felt more beautiful during a show than I did during Beau Jest.

The dressing rooms were emptier during this show than “Oklahoma,” but it didn’t feel that way. Betsy and I would exchange stories while music rang out from my phone, and Ben and Bryan would come stand in the doorway, chatting while we got into makeup. Jerry would join long enough to make a “dad joke,” and Todd would poke his head in to say hello.

I think of everyone’s eyes, the way I learned to read them over the weeks. Their kindness as they asked about my dad, the warmth of their arms around me, the smooth tenderness of their hands as we stood in a close circle every night before the show. I remember the night of the Paris attacks, believing that laughter is the best way to fight terror. I remember nights when my ears and toes were icy with cold, while some of us stood in the parking lot under the stars, talking while the freezing air gathered in clouds around us. I started calling these times “Parking Lot Talks,” and I will miss them as much as I will miss standing in Sarah Goldman’s living room, trying to let her be brave enough to tell the truth.

On that last Saturday, I lingered at the theatre for hours, not wanting to go home, not wanting it to end. We all kept saying, “Let’s do another show together soon,” and I nodded. “Yes please!” I kept replying. I felt the question mark of the next few months loom over me for the first few days after leaving the theatre. But it’s faded into an exclamation point, my heart bursting with gratitude. That last night, as I teetered on the ottoman and bowing my head to 600 people, I thought suddenly, “I can’t believe I got to do this. Someone saw that I could do this.” And it was both a sensation of melting into disbelief, and flying straight upwards in celebration. It was the perfect gift, that moment. This show.

Share:facebook - twitter - pinterest

I'm never gonna dance again the way I danced with you

Obligatory newsletter post

I've had this in the works for two months, but I'm finally getting around to sharing it. It's missing the obligatory family portrait, but listen, we've been busy. You'll just have to imagine a beautiful photo of the two of us.

We're so grateful for the family and friends that made 2015 so beautiful. Here's to a wonderful 2016!



You can find Jacob's podcast here!
You can learn more about Liz's completely online MFA program here!

Share:facebook - twitter - pinterest

Obligatory newsletter post

The Misadventures of Sarah Goldman (Beau Jest Rehearsal Diaries, Part 3)

Saturday, December 20, 2015

A full run-through today! I feel more ready today than I have during this whole run. There are still little things to work out and figure out, and we’re adding actual food into the Seder on Monday. But with producer previews coming up on Tuesday, I’m feeling pretty good.

Both Bryan and Todd have inadvertently discovered how very ticklish the back of my knees are, and it’s a problem. ESPECIALLY with Todd. In the opening scene, I have my legs draped over his lap and I was SO JUMPY today the whole time my legs were there, because he kept starting to put his hands on the back of my knees. I know they’d both just leave me alone if I didn’t react so hugely, but it’s not entirely in my control.

One difficult thing about rehearsal today—they took away our couch! One of the legs is broken. We were in the middle of the Shabbat meal scene when some people came in and removed the couch and replaced it with chairs. We made a few jokes about how Sarah forgot to lock her door. We were actually each a little worried about how it had happened. Ben A made a joke about how the kissing scene got a little too intense, but I looked at Bryan and said I hoped it wasn’t from the other night when we spent a few minutes falling onto the back of the couch because it was fun. (“I like falling, but I don’t like landing,” Bryan explained.) But apparently it’s been broken for a while. I hope we get it back soon—it is DIFFICULT to rehearse with those chairs instead. They’re smaller, and it’s hard to do certain blocking things.

Monday, we introduce food to the Seder meal! We’re also playing the “dice game,” which involves switching casts after running for as many minutes as the dice dictates, and eventually impressions and emotions as well. I’m super excited about it.

Oh! And I spoke with the Deseret News today about the show and my experience in it. I was a little unsure at first, but I feel like I was able to express some important and true things. I’m excited to read the article when it comes out.

Monday, December 21, 2015

The dice game was SO MUCH FUN! I was so impressed with EVERYONE in the cast. Everyone rocked it. Eric pointed out the vulnerability of an exercise like this, when we’re called upon to do stupid impressions and crazy emotions and to transition quickly. It’s kind of beautiful to see everyone support each other and to laugh together. I loved it. And I did make some fun discoveries. Eric just gave us the greatest pep talk in the world after rehearsal, instead of notes. It was such a great night. Eric and Tammy both laughed until they cried. We all did.

In an effort to dissuade Todd from tickling the back of my knees tonight, I bit his hand. Twice. When that didn’t stop him, I licked his hand. He watched me do it, then said, “Whoa. That was…awesome.” *sigh* It did not dissuade him AT ALL. Dang it.

In other news, I sometimes worry that my physical affection for those around me will be misinterpreted as inappropriate. Like, maybe people think that I, as a married woman, shouldn’t be cuddling with other people? But it’s not that I’m making any of it sexual or even romantic. It’s just that physical touch is my love language. And I’m not physically affectionate with EVERYONE just because not everyone is comfortable with it. It’s not everyone ELSE’S love language. But for those people who do speak the love language of physical touch, it’s how we communicate—cuddles and hand holding and massages. And plus, theatre people. Theatre people in general seem to have fewer physical boundaries. So we’re all kind of more touchy-feely anyway. It’s just that all touch has such romantic or sexual weight in our current society that I worry a little. But not enough to change anything.

On a completely different note, we’ve got producer previews tomorrow—woo hoo! Also…I’m definitely NOT coming down with a cold (uuuggghhhhh).

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

First producer preview down! We made Mark laugh out loud, multiple times. So that was awesome. It was a fairly solid run, although nerves sort of got the better of us. We were a little scared, and a little unused to having an audience there, so we were a little frenetic. Lines weren’t quite what they usually are, and there were a few spots that didn’t go as smoothly as they usually do. But it was still solid. The biggest note we got is to trust the script and ground our work in reality. I think with our nerves, we got a little lost in the shtick, and moved away from the natural-ness of it all.

Eric and Sally kept talking about making sure our choices are grounded in being natural and honest. And in the back of my mind, I thought, “But…my honesty IS kind of weird. Like, me being natural and genuine might not seem as grounded in reality, just because the way I act isn’t quite how other people act. I’m kind of weird.” I trust Eric to pull me back if needed.

I feel okay about my work tonight. It was a little disconnected in places, but generally okay. In Ben Hopkin’s class, he talks about how technique, or “communication” makes up for where we fall short in connection. I feel like I’m a solid enough actress technique-wise that I can carry off a show pretty well, even if my connection is suffering a little. I know I can do BETTER, though. I feel confident we can get it to where it needs to be. We just had to get this very slightly clunky bit out of the way.

Speaking of bits, we’re probably going to cut a couple of them. Mark and Sally said they like working with Eric because he gives them lots to work with, and then they come in and do sort of a “final edit.” So after the other cast’s producer preview, we’ll see what changes need to be made. (One change that’s being made: kissing Chris in the opening scene after all! I looked over at Todd after notes and said, “Hey, we’re gonna kiss!” Bryan frowned at Todd and then said, “I get Todd’s secondsies?” I just rolled my eyes. I actually agree with Sally that it’s a more effective moment—to have Sarah KISSING someone on the couch, then saying, “Oh that’ll be my date,” when the doorbell rings.)

Sally told an awesome story that I wanted to record. So, in the script, Bob says that he works at the Candlelight Playhouse every so often. At the end of the show, he says he’ll be doing “Fiddler on the Roof” there. The Candlelight Playhouse is a real theatre in Chicago, and years and years ago, Mark and Sally went to see a show there. It was the first time they had ever seen a theatre in the round that had a moving stage. It wasn’t terribly high-tech—it could only rotate as far as the extension cords would reach. But at this point, Mark and Sally were designing the new theatre, the theatre we’re currently in. So Mark came home from the Candlelight Playhouse and said, “I think we should have a rotating stage.” And the Hale West Valley rotating stage was born.

As we left the theatre tonight, Bryan and I both started moon-walking to our cars (don't remember why). His car was about 10 yards away. Mine was about 100. After about four seconds of moon-walking, I said, “If we were really committed actors, we’d both do this all the way to our cars.” Bryan said, “I AM a really committed actor.” I laughed and then said, “Dang it! What have I done?!” But I freaking did it—I moon-walked all the way to my car. I moon-walked over a curb, over grass, down the other curb. I almost tripped once, but I made it. My shoes were filled with slushy water afterwards, but it was totally worth it.

Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Other cast’s producer preview! I took a ton of notes, as always. (Ha. Always. I’ve only been double cast twice.) I think the sweet spot is somewhere in between their cast and ours, as far as realism and energy goes. The biggest note THEY got was to amp up the energy and volume.

Todd and Becca were including the added stage kiss in their run, they decided to figure it out before rehearsal officially started. Eric and I sat and watched, creepily, so that I knew how it would go. Becca and Todd ran their scene, then Becca and I switched out and I ran it. (Afterwards, Todd said, “Okay, who’s next?” Bryan put his phone down—the one he’d been pretending to video-tape us with—and took my place in Todd’s arms. I took Bryan’s phone out of his hands and captured the tender moment.) 

Thursday, December 24, 2015

Today, I thought about the fact that Beau Jest won’t last forever, and it broke my heart a little. I have no choice but to live in the moment and just enjoy every second of doing this show, because if I don’t, I’ll start to crumble. Maybe that’s unhealthy? I just feel so lucky lucky lucky blessed blessed blessed. That I get to play this part. That I get to tell this story. That I get to do it with these people.

I think having a day or two off from rehearsal will be helpful for us—give us a chance to sort of “refresh” and come back to the script with new eyes.

I can’t believe I get to do this.

Saturday, December 26, 2015

I’m having a hard time understanding what day it is. We didn’t have rehearsal Thursday or yesterday, but we had rehearsal today. But we don’t have rehearsal tomorrow. We have rehearsal the next day. My brain is struggling.                        

Today’s rehearsal included so many things. We started out with cast photos. (Man, I love my wig.) Also, Ric looks like Mr. Feeney from Boy Meets World in his costume and glasses. (Realization: That actor who plays Mr. Feeney has a New England accent. We were all trying to impersonate him, and I realized that it’s not “slightly British,” as we first thought, it’s New England. *The More You Know*)

I had one terrifying moment during photos, when Bryan reminded me to take off my FitBit, and I noticed that I wasn’t wearing my wedding ring. I mean, I wasn’t SUPPOSED to be, and I had loosened it earlier to remind me to take it off. But I couldn’t remember actually taking it off, or where I had put it. I felt tearful and vaguely panicked for a moment, but told myself to just do the photos, then look, and then I could panic and cry if I couldn’t find it. I got back to the costume shop and searched my makeup kit and my purse, and didn’t find it. Then I stepped into the dressing room and there, shining on the floor, was my wedding ring. I picked it up and ran back into the shop and did a victory lap, exclaiming (and explaining) joyfully. I’m so glad I never had to panic and cry about it. I think I might just not wear it to the theatre anymore. Just to be safe.

After photos, and changing back into regular clothes (a t-shirt and my husband’s wolf pajama pants, in my case), we did a white elephant gift exchange, where I stole two Alien action figures, which were promptly stolen back from me. In the end, Bryan and I struck a deal—I stole a pocketknife back for him, and he gave me the funny t-shirt he had gotten for it. So now I have Todd’s old t-shirt, which just says, “George is still running.” There’s actually a valid explanation for the caption, but I like how cryptic it is without the explanation.  

Then we had the famous SPEED-THROUGH! Dueling cast-style. It was a race to see who could get the best time. We took a break at intermission for sandwiches, and it took me all of that break to recover my normal breath. In the end, Tammy refused to tell us which cast won, and gave us ALL a prize (2 comp tickets to the show for ANY NIGHT during the run). The two casts started at different times, because of Todd being single cast, so at the end of Act One, we had finished before the other cast. So we waited until they were done and then pretended like we were still finishing when they came in. (I don’t think we ever actually told them about our deception.)

The speed-through was really helpful. Eric said that sometimes actors complain about speed-throughs, because you never actually do a show that way. But we all talked about how helpful it really is! It lets you know where you don’t know your lines and cues. It heightens your focus. It helps you find places where speed is actually better. It increases camaraderie among cast members (despite the competition between casts). It helps you be aware of intonation patterns. Ric shared a final thought, and he got a little bit emotional as he said it. He said that the speed-through truly taught him what talent we have in this production. He said he was so impressed with all of us, and feels so so lucky to be doing this with all of us. I couldn’t have put it better myself.

For some reason, I had it in my head that we were going to do an additional full run after the speed-throughs, but it turns out we didn’t—we were done by 2 o’clock. I found myself lingering, chatting with Andy and Bryan and Tammy, not wanting to leave. I feel more at home at the theatre than anywhere else (besides home). Eventually, I did get into my car and drove off, but not without wishing I had an excuse to stay, chatting or working. I’ve missed everyone the last two days, and I’ll miss them again tomorrow. I suppose I’ll get a good healthy dose of everyone this coming week—tech week is officially begun!

The other day, Jacob asked me if I feel ready for opening (on Thursday!!!). I thought for a moment and replied that I feel ready acting-wise. The things I don’t feel ready for are all tech things—quick changes and working with the wig and being in the space. But I know those are all things we’ll work on next week. So I feel confident I’ll be ready by the time we actually open. There are still moments that I know could be stronger, but I also know that they’re great where they are, and that they’ll improve with more rehearsal time. And it will take us a few shows with an audience for the show to sort of “settle.” Not as in “settling for what it is,” but for it to get comfortable in its groove. I’m excited for that to happen.

Here goes nothin’!

Monday, December 28, 2015

First night of tech! It actually didn’t even really feel like rehearsal. We did mic EQ’s, and then rehearsed the quick-changes. We were only there from 6 pm to 8:30 pm. It was super helpful to do quick-changes, though. Barbara (the costume designer) is going to make a few additional adjustments to make them even easier. The set’s in the middle of change-over, but there’s enough there for us to get a sense of distance and timing. 

I’m excited for the set to be all loaded in, and to start REALLY rehearsing. Each cast has got two full runs in the space before opening, and I kind of wish we had more. Okay, not kind of, I DEFINITELY wish we had more! But I’m confident enough in our abilities to make it work. Doing shows at the Playmill taught me how to “fake it ‘til you make it” when it comes to having a show ready. And Jacob is the only one I have coming to opening night, and he’ll be seeing it again a few weeks later. All my other people are coming a few shows into the run…we’ll have had some time to solidify everything even better.

Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Day after tomorrow. That’s when we open. We have one more run. GAH!

Tonight was pretty good—not as bad as I thought it was going to be, but not as good as it will be tomorrow. We were just kind of “in our heads” tonight. We added so many elements—new props, costumes, lights, sound, the set itself. Pretty darn smooth for all that new stuff. Some line flubs and repeats. Our favorite of the night was Bryan saying, “Did your doctor subscribe askpirin for you?” There were also a few silly technical things during quick changes, but I think we’ll get them figured out. I think tomorrow I might sit down and write out the details of how we’re doing things. Not just what needs to be done, like “put on dress,” but the specifics of how the dress is put on (who does the buckle, etc). I think that will help.

But there were also all these strange little things that compounded to throw us off—at one point, Bryan and I hold hands, but our fingers were like, off by one digit on the interlocking business, so things were just weird. Things like that. The wine was sweeter than we expected. There were smaller spoons with the Seder meal. The vodka glasses were fuller than usual. The bedroom and kitchen had doors. All these little things. But still. We got through it!

Mark said tonight that at this point, all we really need is an audience. And we’ll have a few tomorrow night! We’re having a sort of “invited dress.” That will actually be REALLY HELPFUL. New Year’s feels like so much pressure to get it right, and it will be nice to have a sort of “beta audience” first.

I don’t feel as ready as I want to feel, but I suppose there’s not much I can do about it.

Final thing to record: Eric is so kind as a director. His encouragement has been so helpful, and it makes it easier to believe in the greatness of our work.

One day closer to opening night. GAH.  

Wednesday, December 30, 2015

This is it! Final dress rehearsal was tonight! And I feel so much better about the show. Last night, I wasn’t quite sure if we’d really be ready. But after tonight, I feel pretty good. It was a pretty smooth run—we were all focused and listening and present. Any little flubs (because we still had a few) were covered easily and quickly. It was also helpful to have a little bit of an audience there. Starting to get some of that laughter and energy from them really brought things to life.

Mark compliments my wig every time I see him, as well I should. He also told me to try my mic pack on my thigh to avoid the “bustle” look of it being around my waist, and I'm a little nervous about that--I've never had it work very well. 

And I’m glad our run was good—I was so GRUMPY beforehand! A prayer before our run helped. And I feel pretty good! 

So this is it. Opening night. I’m ready.

Share:facebook - twitter - pinterest

The Misadventures of Sarah Goldman (Beau Jest Rehearsal Diaries, Part 3)

12 Days of Christmas Stuff

Somehow, while rehearsals were going on and I was recovering from NaNoWriMo, a third of December happened. Christmas is in 13 days. So I'm jumpstarting my holiday spirits with some of my favorite Christmas things. And thought I'd share them here! So in no particular order, here are 12 days of Christmas books, stories, albums, and films.


1. Nativity! (film)
Martin Freeman plays a disgruntled elementary school teacher who is asked to put on this year's Nativity play. But can the magic of Christmas restore Mr. Madden's Scrooge-like disdain of the holidays? This is charming and so very British and I love it. ALSO, most of the script was improvised, Christopher Guest-style.

2. The Family Stone (film)
I adore poignant and quirky films about the beautiful imperfection of family. This is the perfect example of that.


3. Love Actually (film)
Oh the greatness of this British film! I love the ensemble nature of this story (these stories?) and the ultimate message that love actually is all around us. (Warning for those interested in warnings: Rated R for language and nudity.)


4. Family Man (film)
Listen. This is one of my favorite films. Ever. I can't help it. It's so sweet and funny and lovely. It captures the beauty and challenge of marriage and family so well.


5. Angela and the Baby Jesus (children's book)
By Frank McCourt
Jacob read this out loud to his family the first year of our marriage, and I've deliberately made it a tradition for him to do so every year. It's hilarious and lovely.


6. A Green and Red Christmas (album) 
By the Muppets
You can't go wrong with the Muppets. Any Christmas song by Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem is a win in my book.


7. My Troubles (A Work in Progress, by Joseph of N--) (short story)
by Jonathan Goldstein
This short story is the last in a collection called "Ladies and Gentlemen, the Bible!" It's a reimagining of the Christmas story from Joseph's point of view...human, worried, flawed, hard-working Joseph. I know not everyone will enjoy this story; Joseph is so very human in it, and some readers might feel it's sacrilegious to approach this character this way. That's okay. But I find it so meaningful--it makes it easier for me to connect to the people who lived and died in Jerusalem, to see the story in this realistic, humorous light. Joseph is just a guy, doing the best he can. Here's a small excerpt, just to get an idea of the tone of the story: "So it was pretty soon afterward that I started to worry. The angels must have seen Mary from Heaven and knew she was the right one for the job, but they probably didn't get a very good look at me. While they were all lying around on the clouds mooning over Mary, they probably missed her loudmouth boyfriend in the background griping about his stubbed toe. Who was I to be raising an angel baby? What could I teach a baby of any kind? How to hyperventilate when you're outbid for a carpentry job? How to cry in frustration when your roof caves in? What kid is going to want to hang around with me? All I have to teach him is how to worry. That was an area in which I excelled." 


8. Barenaked for the Holidays  (album)
by The Barenaked Ladies
Hands down, favorite holiday album of all time. Equal parts silly and sincere. And there's some Hannukah thrown in there, as well as Christmas!


9. A Christmas Carol (book/movie/play/musical/etc)
The book. Any version of the movie. Any version of the play. Just the story in general.


10. It's A Wonderful Life (film)
I always sort of forget how fantastic this movie really is. And then I re-watch it and am overwhelmed by its humor and heart.


11. A Very Murray Christmas (film)
A short Netflix original! It's mostly musical numbers, with a loose plot surrounding a failed live television special. I think I'm charmed by this mostly because it's sort of a dream--I want to end up in the hotel Carlyle in New York City during a blizzard on Christmas Eve, singing songs with Bill Murray and Paul Shaffer and David Johansen and Jason Schwartzman and Rashida Jones and Maya Rudolph and Phoenix. (Warning: Some language.)


12. The Bible: Luke, Chapter 2 (book excerpt)
Where it all began. Does anyone else always hear the voices of Charlie Brown characters when they read this story?

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!

Share:facebook - twitter - pinterest

12 Days of Christmas Stuff

Thoughts From Beau Jest rehearsals

I know we've already covered this, but I'm a compulsive writer.

I've been keeping a "rehearsal diary" for Beau Jest...I've done this a few times with other shows, and I always love going back and reading them later. There are usually both funny memories to smile over and important lessons to remember. So I thought I'd share some of the highlights of Beau Jest's rehearsal journal here! I've tried to edit out any spoilers from the show, but in an effort to embrace my vulnerability, I have left a few very personal thoughts in--some of the struggles I've felt during this process, ways I've connected with the character, or times I've felt weak or pretty or confident or mean. (Because I'm a human being, okay?! I FEEL ALL THE THINGS!)

I feel so absurdly lucky to get to do what I love with such amazing people.


Saturday, November 7, 2015
I spent so much time being both thrilled and terrified to begin rehearsals. Like all actors, I think I have a neurotic need to be adored. But once I got there and got to working, that need went away—it always does. I can just fall into the world of the play, and the words in the script, and the thoughts and feelings of the character. Eric was very kind and very complimentary, and that gave me a giant boost of confidence, which I’ll use in the times before and after rehearsal when I get neurotic again.
I only really know Andy and Ben P in the cast, so I’m excited to get to know the others. Just from the read-through, I can tell they’re all wonderful actors AND wonderful people.
Also, Ben Parkes can’t pronounce the word “memorial” and it’s hilarious and adorable. There’s a line where he has to say the name of a hospital—“Northwestern Memorial”—and he struggles.

Monday, November 9, 2015
First blocking rehearsal! Eric likes to block before we get on our feet—we start rehearsal by sitting and having him explain our movement and beats and bits. It took me a minute to orient myself in his directing style, but I generally have a pretty clear idea of what he’s looking for. He talked a lot about rhythm during Saturday’s read-through, and it’s been fun to find some of that.
I’m suffering a little bit from “I’m not pretty” syndrome. After “Oklahoma” I just felt so frumpy. I need to remind myself to not compare, and to embrace my own beauty.

Tuesday, November 10, 2015
It’s funny…I feel like I know everyone so well already. There are so few of us, it’s easy to become friends.
In some ways, it feels like it hasn’t been years since Ben P and I worked together—his acting and his sense of humor is still so familiar to me, it’s like we sort of picked up where we left off. And I love working with Andy. I wish both of them could somehow be in my cast.
A few of us got there earlier tonight to help Bryan go over the blocking he missed last night. There’s a point at which Dave/Bob is supposed to fold the napkins on the table all pretty, and we all sort of got distracted by that for like…twenty minutes. We found a variety of different folds—the “Rose,” the “Turkey Fan,” the “Pope Hat.” (Some of these names we made up.) Bryan struggled to create anything for a while, and then made the perfect rose, which ended up being the favorite of the props master. We didn’t get to the blocking, but we all had fun.
I also curled my hair to help me feel pretty today, and I prayed for a little extra confidence, and I felt pretty and funny tonight.

Wednesday, November 11, 2015
So much sitting in rehearsal today! It’s kinda nice—forces us to focus on the moments and the acting and the relationships, instead of the business. The stage picture could use some variety, so we’re giving it that wherever we can.
Oh! And Ben Parkes correctly pronounced the word “memorial”! We just told him it rhymes with “oriole” and he did it perfectly.

Thursday, November 12, 2015
Mixed feelings about rehearsal today—they’re mostly positive, though.
I feel like I’m really understanding Eric’s vision, and I love working with everyone. People make me laugh all the time. There’s a bit between Bob and Sarah, where we speak at the same time for three short little lines, and Bryan kept quoting incomplete song lyrics, which killed me as soon as I noticed it. I told him this was bad news, because I break so easily, and he said it was REALLY bad news, because he LOVES making people break. I finally suggested that we both speak incomplete song lyrics and see if at any point during the run, we say the same ones.

Friday, November 13, 2015
Confession time. Sometimes when I get afraid, I become sort of "mentally competitive" in rehearsals. And I don’t like who I become when I start competing with my double—I’m constantly comparing and either thinking I’m better, or being furious that I’m not. I don’t want to be that person. I want to be open and kind and welcoming. I don’t want to spend my energy in rehearsals fighting off those awful feelings. I want to just do my work. So that’s what I’m going to try to do. To be open to the discoveries that my double makes. To just DO MY WORK.
That seems to be the best solution to all the problems I’ve had in rehearsal. Just DO MY WORK.
During rehearsal today, I spent some time taking some character development notes—filling out the worksheet I’ve created over the years. I made some cool discoveries, and I’m feeling a little more connected to the character. I already felt connected, but now I feel I understand her even more.
And on a completely completely different note, here’s the other thing that happened tonight. And it sounds absurd to get this serious after the rest of this entry. But that’s the human experience, I guess. Tonight in Paris, there were massive coordinated terrorist attacks. Over 140 people are dead. And it’s just senseless and heartbreaking. Here’s what I finally posted on Facebook tonight—I can’t think of a better way to phrase it.

It's been difficult to try to process the events in Paris tonight. I found out right before rehearsal, and it felt odd and wrong to go rehearse a comedy in light of everything that was happening. After working the scenes, a handful of us stayed afterwards (me, Ben A, Ben P, Bryan, Betsy, Andy, Becca) and just talked...about Paris, about leadership, about dating, about world history, about all kinds of things. At one point, one of us asked, "How do we make it better? How do we make the world better?" And before I really thought about it, I instinctively said, "Keep doing theatre."
But I really believe it's true. It's not quite a direct way of helping. But anything that connects human beings to each other is something that makes the world better. It's harder to kill each other when we all see one another as connected. After rehearsal, I went home and my husband and I wept for the pain that's being felt all over the world tonight. We wept for those who never got to finish the things they started, and we wept with gladness for the good of those reaching out in love and solidarity.
This sounds so cheesy, but I'm reminded tonight of the importance of connecting. Through talk, and through tears, and through laughter. I am so so so grateful for the people I had tonight to remind me of the beauty of humanity, through all of those things.
Write stories. Tell jokes. Make art. Sing songs. Talk to people. Weep with people. Tell the truth, both little truths and big ones. We'll make the world better.

Saturday, November 13, 2015
I prayed for help in overcoming my feelings of competition in rehearsal, both last night and this morning, and felt so much better today. Last night, as I was falling asleep, after my prayers, I had this thought. In order to overcome my sense of competition, I need to let go of my need to please (just like Sarah does). It won’t be a sweeping change, but this is a need that Sarah and I share. I think both my and Sarah's competition is rooted in that oh-so-human desire to just have everyone love me. It was a good revelation to have, and I think it’s helped me.
I also have begun marking places in the script where I think Sarah begins to fall for Dave/Bob—specific moments that make her heart beat a little faster. It’s been fun to discover those moments.
There’s usually a point in every rehearsal process when I am completely enamored of the entire experience. When rehearsing a show feels like falling in love. All I want to do is talk about the show. I am so so so so lucky.

Sunday, November 15, 2015
I’m so madly in love with Beau Jest, it’s all I can do to keep from talking constantly about it.
I’m coming to truly love and care for the cast of Beau Jest. I love that so many members have a lot of improv experience, or at least SOME experience. They are all such good listeners because of it—they “yes and” things so well.
I’m so excited to get the scripts our of our hands—when we’ve got lines and blocking in our heads and can really explore moment-to-moment stuff and timing and relationships.
I’m so obsessed with acting.
I think one of my goals for this show is going to be to balance active listening with staying in character. I am notorious for breaking character, which I’ve been told is actually evidence of strong listening and being in the moment. (I’m choosing to believe that.) But to take my work “to the next level,” I want to improve my ability to stay in it. To stay in the moment AND in character. To not break the momentum because I think something is funny. Generally, the way to “stay in character” has been to sort of put up walls, to harden against the laughter that comes. But in a way, that breaks the momentum too, just not as visibly. It disconnects you from the other actors and from the scene, anyway. The majority of the audience won’t notice it, but the work will not be as strong as it could be.

Monday, November 16, 2015
I love rehearsing. We spend so much time laughing, and it is such a joy. Ben P is losing his voice, and it was both so sad and hysterically funny. (“Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.” –Mel Brooks) He also was the winner of the “Kramer Award” tonight (something I just made up), for a 15-second-long battle with the coat rack. It was incredible. That coat rack just turns everyone who interacts with it into Kramer. We got a new one tonight, but apparently, the physical comedy magic is still in that corner.

Tuesday, November 17, 2015
I love my job. I LOVE MY JOB! In the parking lot, as we were all leaving, Ben A said, “Good night everyone! It was a great rehearsal! And not nearly as awkward as I thought it was going to be!” And it was the best description of the night.
Ben A, Bryan, and I were all there around 6:45, so we all sat and chatted with Eric for a little while. Ben said that he was a little nervous about tonight’s rehearsal--it was the "big romantic" one between Bob and Sarah. And I said I was too, but that I figured it would be fine. (I had actually said a prayer in the car beforehand, asking for help to “just calm down and do my work.”) And it was fine! Even sitting there and talking made it feel even more fine.
There’s a bit towards the very end of the scene that we struggled with—we tried it 800 different ways, and we wanted it to be funny without pushing the boundaries. I think we figured it out? I’m confident we’ll get it there, though.
It is such a joy to work with such capable and funny and creative people. I can’t believe this is my job. THIS IS MY JOB!

Wednesday, November 18, 2015
Rehearsed Joel’s big victory today, and both Ben P and Andy did awesomely. It’s such a big shift for both his character and mine. This scene is the angriest we ever see Sarah, and afterwards, I was realizing that the anger will probably need to be tempered with some fear, sadness, desperation, etc. It felt so over-the-top angry tonight. But I also sometimes don’t know if what I’m feeling is what’s being communicated. I’ll watch the rehearsal video and see what kind of balance I need to find. I know I’ll find it eventually. It’s like with the Oklahoma breakdown scene. I had to do it a few different ways for a little while before I could find what it truly was—what the show truly needed.
This is a scene that I feel confident will “arrive” after we’ve spent more time in it. In the meantime, onward and upward!

Thursday, November 19, 2015
Did promo shots today (the promotional pictures that will be used for the press). The wig combined with the floral print dress is the greatest thing—it’s a fantastic wig, and I look like a totally different person with it. Just got one of those faces, I guess.
On an unrelated note, the floral dress is “quick-rigged,” because every single costume change in this show is a quick-change. It has snaps all down the front, and I can’t express how tempted I was to just rip the snaps open! But I couldn’t quite get myself to do it in mixed company. I did do it when I changed out of it, though. I felt like the Incredible Hulk.
We were a little short on numbers for rehearsal tonight—two out sick and one late. But we were able to get things down pretty well.
The great thing about doing a show with so many improvisers is that when someone makes ONE joke, there are dozens that follow. Despite the jokes that are CONSTANTLY happening, we did get to some serious stuff tonight, and it took a little work for me to really be genuine and vulnerable. I think it will be easier when I don’t have a script in my hand, but I really REALLY have an opportunity to use some of the skills I developed in Ben Hopkin’s class towards the end of Beau Jest. I don’t think it will be terribly difficult—I found myself getting teary-eyed tonight already. But I do want to make sure it’s honest, and not forced or anything.
There’s the most awful flu going around the theatre—and it’s not just us, it’s EVERYONE. Christmas Carol, Big Fish, Beau Jest, staff. Tammy told us we’re not allowed to kiss each other. Ben A is sick, but Becca, Bryan and I are all fine, so I told Becca that as long as she and I don’t kiss, we should all be fine. I feel a bizarre sense of pride in not being sick. I suppose I should find some wood and knock on it.
Tomorrow is the LAST NIGHT OF BLOCKING!!! And then we have a show, and we’ll just be working on scenes. Wit-whoo!

Friday, November 20, 2015
I spent part of this morning going over lines and then reading through some notes from Ben Hopkin’s acting class. There are some great reminders there about connecting and vulnerability.
Tonight’s rehearsal felt a little bit rough…rougher than any of our previous rehearsals. We were all so tired, and it was the LAST blocking rehearsal, and half of us are sick, and the scene is kind of naturally slow. Between the naturally slow scene and trying to read our lines and blocking, it was just so so so low energy. But I know it’ll get to where it needs to be with time.
Although, tonight, at Andy’s suggestion, Ben LICKED my FACE onstage instead of kissing me on the cheek like he’s supposed to. Which, of course, meant that when Bryan is supposed to dip and kiss me, he dipped me and licked my face too. So many germs. Both cheeks.
I’m excited to start reviewing scenes and working them—this is where the real fun begins. Now to buckle down on memorization. (Deadline is in a week?!)

Saturday, November 21, 2015
There were some great moments in today’s rehearsal, even though it was a little rough—the show is completely blocked, so we reviewed all the new blocking in one big chunk.
I had this realization about Sarah today. She (like pre-married-to-Jacob-me) avoids communication at almost any cost. The thing she says to Chris more often than she says anything else to him is “I’ll talk to you later. Now is not a good time. I’ll call you tomorrow.” She never talks to him directly. And she often chickens out of other important conversations…she chickens out the first time she asks Bob about the David kiss/Bob kiss, and when he first tries to explain the Dave/Bob situation to her parents. It’s cool that the audience gets to see her transformation into someone willing to say things. Almost losing her father is the thing that helps her realize that it’s always worth it to be honest.
On a lighter note, there were some funny moments during rehearsal. At one point, Andy reached for a candy from the candy dish on set, but he did it in this funny way, and Bryan thought he was fist-bumping a nearby plant. So we decided to start fist-bumping inanimate objects much more often.
Also, this conversation happened…
Bryan: Hitler's kids could be anybody, if they changed their name.
Me: It could be like Shia LaBeouf or something.
Ben: I had such high hopes for him. 

Bryan: Who? Hitler? 

Ben: No, Shia LaBeouf.
(We were all laughing about this exchange when I got a text message from Andy, who was onstage, that said, “Stop having fun without me.”)
We start working rehearsals this next week—yippee!!

Monday, November 23, 2015
FIRST ACT = MOSTLY OFF BOOK TONIGHT! Boom! We definitely stumbled through bits of it, but the fact that we still have a month and we’re already mostly off-book is so awesome.
I was realizing how cryptic my notes from rehearsal are. I think I can interpret them, but it’s so funny to read them out of context.
- Chris missed kiss “not in front of Bob” gesture
- add click click to whit-woo
- hearts/brains? No hint to Dave/Bob
- smile/freeze/drop/“what” on video bit
- shush Joel like a cat bit
See? Nonsense.
Tonight’s rehearsal was actually kind of strange for a number of reasons. Onstage, things made sense. But offstage: I got a FB message from a friend basically asking for advice on entering the LGBTQ world, and Andy sent me a link to all of these terrifying paranormal search and rescue stories, and I was texting Kieffer about moving to Utah. It made for an overwhelming time. And I’m still terrified about those paranormal search and rescue stories.

Tuesday, November 24, 2015
Things that kept distracting me during rehearsal today: My belt buckle! It’s a new belt I got from DI today, and the clasp is this gold seat belt thing, but if you unbuckle it, one side looks like the pinchers of a bug. I spent a lot of rehearsal today pretending it was a bug. Sort of a roaring bug. Maybe I need to wear a different belt to rehearsal.
I feel like with every show I do, I am required to be more and more vulnerable. (Well, not every show—not “Damn Yankees.”) But from Maggie in “Dancing at Lughnasa” to Eller in “Oklahoma” to this role, each one is progressively more open to sharing my inner experience. I noticed during the confrontation scene with my parents, I was getting into “sincerity pose” and “sincerity hands.” I think we do that as actors to try to protect ourselves from the emotional experience of the scene. It’s pretty scary to just feel all of that, and to let the audience see into you. I’m going to work on it a little on my own.
Our lines were a little rough as a cast, but I can tell we’re in a great place. The off-book deadline isn’t even for a week! Eric pointed out that usually at this point in rehearsal, he’d just be giving us notes about blocking…making corrections, etc. He is making a few of those, but he’s mostly giving character notes, or asking us to try small adjustments. In his eyes, we’re way ahead of schedule.
I’m actually kind of really sad about not having rehearsal over break. I will love being with family, but I know I’ll miss everyone and the chance to act. I really love rehearsals, and I really love acting.


Thanksgiving Break
Wednesday, November 25 – Sunday, November 29, 2015
Since Beckah and I have arrived in the Bay Area for Thanksgiving, Oma has demanded that we take pictures, because "when we have the family together, it's special!" and interrupted a game of Uno to tell embarrassing stories about our childhoods. It's kind of like rehearsing Act One of Beau Jest.
I’ve been thinking a lot about Sarah’s relationship with her parents, and my relationship with mine. On Thursday, Beckah and I found out that Dad is in the hospital in Germany, with abdominal pain. They were thinking about medi-vac-ing him to Washington DC, which is still a possibility, but they’re doing what they can for him there in Munich. Apparently he’s got a blockage in his liver or gallbladder duct. They did dozens of tests to try to find it, and exploratory surgery to try to relieve it, but not only was that unsuccessful, but it also caused his pancreas to become inflamed. They finally brought that down, so they’re going to try and find and release the blockage again tomorrow. In the meantime, he’s on a liquid/bread diet, and laying around in the hospital.
I can’t help but think of how Sarah's relationship with her parents. The idea of something actually happening to Dad—of actually losing him—is so terrifying I can’t bring myself to imagine it. I know I’d survive it, in theory. But I can’t get my brain to process the possibility. Not yet. Not now. But I feel like I understand just a tiny bit more of Sarah’s experience.
I want to bring all of this vulnerability to my performance as Sarah. I think it’s meaningful and human to do so, and there is great capacity for communion in it. But I also want to stick to Eric’s vision. I will try to go where it feels right to me to go, and maybe I’ll just tell Eric to pull me back if he thinks I need it.

Tuesday, December 1, 2015
Finally got some real Jews to help us out! The Ginsberg family came and helped us with the Seder and Shabbat meals, and it was great to have all of our questions answered (and lines pronounced!).
I kind of got stuck in “character acting” for a minute in rehearsal tonight. I want to be open to BIGNESS in my acting, but at one point I realized that I was doing so by closing everything about myself off. It was a nice moment to check back in. I know I can balance the two—big comedy and honest vulnerability, and I’m excited about the journey to finding that balance. I LOVE ACTING.
We’re kind of struggling with lines—I could tell Eric was getting frustrated. (Or maybe I’m projecting?) We’ll get it. It’s just been a long while since we’ve done this. Almost a week. Bleh. We’ll get there.
Ben P, Bryan, and I also spent a few minutes trying to balance umbrellas on our chins, because for some reason Sarah has like, SEVENTEEN umbrellas in her house. It sort of descended into “That’s what she said” type innuendos, but I sure don’t remember how.
Andy, Ben A, Ben P, Bryan, Becca and I have gotten into this habit of talking in the parking lot after rehearsal. Which I like. In my mind, I've begun calling them "Parking Lot Talks." We stand and shiver and talk and laugh. We did it last night, and tonight as well. It’s cold outside, but the time there warms my heart.

Wednesday, December 2, 2015
Had a fun, productive rehearsal tonight. I started it wearing the most well-coordinated outfit, but kept shedding layers as the night went on—things get athletic in scene #2 and I was roasting by the end of it. We discovered a few new moments and solved a few problems. This cast makes me laugh so much—I love them.

Thursday, December 3, 2015
Had a fun talk with Ben A, Bryan, Andy, and Ben P before rehearsal today. Topics covered included cartoon animal clothing (a continuation of last night), modesty, and Star Wars vs. Star Trek.
Rehearsal itself was a delight. One of those times when, even though everyone is still kind of searching for lines, moments of magic are happening. People kept making these wonderful discoveries, and I spent half of rehearsal laughing hysterically, and the other half feeling funny and confident about my own work. Those days are nice—to feel proud of what you’re doing. And I feel like I’ve come to a good place, learning from my double instead of competing with her. Although offstage, there are a number of things I got distracted by: the books on the set (including a travel book about Paris which featured a New Kingdom obelisk from Egypt), and whisper-singing through an entire verse of Smashmouth’s “All Star” with Bryan before getting shushed by Tammy.

Friday, December 4, 2015
RECORD-BREAKING AMOUNTS OF DISTRACTION TODAY. I just have too much fun! The people are so fun! Tammy is always shushing me. And Bryan. It’s a little bit of a problem, even though there is a general spirit of fun and laughter—Today, during notes, Eric said I’d have to stay after one minute for every time he had to tell me to focus. But I was focused when he was giving ME notes! But it’s not just me. It’s Bryan and me. Bryan just always makes me laugh. At one point, after we got in trouble (again), Eric said, “Ugh. You two are just…sittin’ in a tree,” and Bryan swiftly replied, “Uh, she’s M-A-R-R-I-E-D.” Which is brilliant. And true.
Not much else to report from rehearsal itself. We’re in that awful phase when we’re like 85% on lines, so enough to rehearse without books, but not enough to get a good flow or pace since we keep having to call for lines. But we’ll get there! (I know I keep saying that, but I believe it!)

Saturday, December 5, 2015
Ugh. Rehearsal felt ROUGH today. It’s just that awful situation with lines. For ALL of us.
My cast stumbled through Act One first, then watched as the other cast did the same thing. And we certainly stumbled much more than they did. A few rehearsals ago, I talked about how I felt confident about my work that night. Well, today was the opposite. I felt not good about my work.
My goal for Monday is to have a smooth Act Two, and to also finalize the placement of all those damn dishes. We’re gonna set it up like a prop table—labeling spaces for things, etc. I took lots of notes today, on both what I did and what Becca did, so hopefully we’ll be able to figure it out between all of us.

Here's to four more weeks of rehearsal!

Share:facebook - twitter - pinterest

Thoughts From Beau Jest rehearsals

Things I Have Loved About My 20s

I made a decision as a teenager to just enjoy my age, no matter what it was. I never wanted to be someone who pretended she was younger or older than she was...who turned "39" at every birthday after 40. I want to just embrace whatever age I am.

And now I'm approaching 30. I've got roughly a week and a half left of being 29, and then it will be September 8th, and I'll be leaving my twenties behind forever. And I find I don't even really have to try to embrace my age. I really enjoyed my twenties. I think I'll enjoy my thirties, too.

Of course, there are things about my twenties that I think I'll miss. Everything was a lot more dramatic throughout my twenties, it seems. Every decision was life-altering! Every love was a great love! Every friendship was an eternal friendship! Life was a non-stop adventure! As a Latter-day Saint, my adventures were probably pretty "vanilla." But I still had some good times, some of which are probably somewhat universal. Things like:

Staying up all night talking to someone, sleeping for a few hours after the sun rises, and then going to work/class despite the fact that you're barely awake.

Making plans with friends to visit a natural hot springs and then ending up in a casino on an Indian Reservation, in your bathing suits, during a blizzard. (No? Just me? Oh...)

Streaking. Flashing. Skinny-dipping. Almost anything involving nudity. I feel like it becomes less acceptable as you get older. Maybe it becomes more fun, though. I'll keep you posted. (I am, after all, naked, but not stupid...)

Making out with someone and then thinking, "Wait. Maybe that was stupid." (And usually being right.)

Eating really poorly, and totally getting away with it. I'm now almost 15 pounds heavier than I was when Jacob and I got married. My 24-year-old metabolism was working a lot better than my current one is.

Making mixed CDs and listening to them while taking long walks alone at night. I did this ALL THE TIME when I was at BYU-Idaho. I miss it sometimes, but I don't live in as safe a neighborhood nowadays. And I don't have quite the same need to go on those long walks now...I have less I need to figure out and ruminate on.

Having roommates. Sharing the bathroom, berating each other for not doing the dishes, making blanket forts, watching movies. And sharing clothes! Man, I miss having like 3 additional closets worth of clothes to choose from.

Not behaving like a responsible adult in stores--toy stores, grocery stores. This could mean both running around and being loud and obnoxious in general...it could also mean spending $40 on Nerf gun supplies. 

Being able to go out dancing, and having much more stamina than you will have later in life. 

Accepting bizarre circumstances without really questioning them. In my twenties, I made friends by wandering into their apartments at some point in the evening. I made friends by smearing chocolate on someone's face during a party.  

I feel like ages 20 - 29 is characterized by the thought, "Wait. How did I get here?" (Both literally and metaphorically.) I remember thinking that thought every now and then during college. It was rarely anything extraordinary, but it was sometimes odd enough that I'd think, "Wait. How did I end up at a grocery store at 11:57 at night with the saxophonist of this jazz combo, with a package of toilet paper and a bottle of sparkling cider in my arms?" Or, "Wait. How did I end up at a bonfire in the sand dunes with no shoes, along with this female drummer and some guy from Brazil named Luis?" Or, "Wait. How did I end up wandering through a graveyard after riding her on the back of this guy's motorcycle?" (All true stories, by the way.)

And there were also times when the question "How did I get here?" went a little deeper. Times when I thought, "How did I end up being kicked out of student housing and on academic probation?" Or "How did I get to be alone like this?" But they weren't all negative. There were times after Our Town rehearsals my freshman year, when I would sneak back into the theatre and stand on the empty stage, looking out at all the seats and thinking, "How did I get here? What wonderful thing could I have possibly done to be this lucky? That I get to do this?" Or when I would sit among laughing friends at the Dairy Queen after a Comic Frenzy show and think, "How did I get so many amazing people to be in my life? How could one person be so blessed, to be surrounded by such wonderful friends?"

And I still think those things now and then. As I move out of my twenties and into my thirties, I know there's still a lot of adventure, and a lot of good times, and a lot of bad times, and a lot of strange times ahead. But I feel like I've slowly been moving from turmoil to contentment.

So here's to my fourth decade on earth. I think it will be a good one.

Share:facebook - twitter - pinterest

Things I Have Loved About My 20s

Diligent Writer Me vs Current Me: A Dialogue

Diligent Writer Me: Pssst. Hey. Hey you!

Current Me: Leave me alone.

Diligent Writer Me: I just wanted to, you know, give you a friendly reminder that you've still got forty chapters or so to edit.

Current Me: I know. It's too many.

Diligent Writer Me: It's not too many! It's not like you have to re-write them completely! Just make a few changes.

Current Me: Lies. I have to re-write like, a fourth of them completely. I have to move those two climactic conversations to the end so that there's one actual climax, and then I have to re-write like, everything from the climax on, and also change almost everything Alice says because you decided I should revamp her entire character.

Diligent Writer Me: Okay, okay. So it's a lot of work. But I'm telling you, if you just do a little bit every day, you'll be done before you know it! I mean, you wrote the whole first draft in only one month.

Current Me: Look, I appreciate what you're trying to do here. It's just that there are so many other things to do right now.

Diligent Writer Me: ............Like what?

Current Me: Like...well, like watch House of Cards! And read these autocorrect fails on the internet. And also watch cat videos. And text this friend. And maybe eat some ice cream? And I bet if I were to refresh Facebook, there would be something else interesting there!

Diligent Writer Me: All right. I grant you, House of Cards is awesome. And autocorrect fails will never stop being hilarious. Same for cat videos. And texting friends can be a good thing. And ice cream is awesome. And while refreshing Facebook that often doesn't usually bring up something else interesting, it MIGHT. But hear me out on this--

Current Me: NO!

Diligent Writer Me: Do I need to start using all caps?

Current Me: Oh, what? Sorry, I can't hear you because of how much I'm LOLing at this cat trying to jump over a baby gate.

Diligent Writer Me: Fine. You asked for it. This is for your own good. LISTEN UP, CHAPMAN. YOU PUT "FINISH EDITING MY YA NOVEL AND SUBMIT IT FOR PUBLICATION" ON YOUR LIST OF 9 THINGS TO DO WHILE 29. YOU ARE TURNING 30 IN TWO AND A HALF MONTHS. YOU DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME.

Current Me: Didn't you just tell me, like five sentences ago, that it won't take me long?

Diligent Writer Me: No, I said it wouldn't take long IF YOU DO A LITTLE BIT EVERY DAY. You're doing pretty darn good on your other goals. It'd be a shame to not meet this one. Because of cat videos.

Current Me: But--

Diligent Writer Me: BECAUSE OF CAT VIDEOS.

Current Me: Ugh. Fine. Whatever. I'll edit. And write.

Diligent Writer Me: Atta girl.

Share:facebook - twitter - pinterest

Diligent Writer Me vs Current Me: A Dialogue