A resignation

Liz Chapman
123 Address Place
Salt Lake City, UT 11111

Sunday, November 6, 2016

National Novel Writing Month
123 The Internet Blvd.
The Internet, The World 00000

Dear Sir or Madam:

This letter is to regretfully inform you that I have chosen to tender my resignation from this year's NaNoWriMo. Please know that it is very likely that I will participate in future years, and that your organization still has my full and enthusiastic support.

I am very grateful for the inspiration and guidance you have given me in past years. I first participated in NaNoWriMo in 2012, with a manuscript I did not complete that year, but which has since been finished, and which never would have existed without your group. I have completed a novel every November since then, and now have three full novel manuscripts. Through my participation in NaNoWriMo, I have learned discipline, how to overcome writer's block, the value of writing continually in order to improve, and have gained enormous confidence in my ability to create work. I am eternally grateful to your organization for all of the things you have given me.

In order that you may have a deeper understanding of my resignation, allow me to present my reasons:

I am currently pursuing my MFA in Creative Writing from an online university program. This semester, I am taking a class in ekphrastic poetry and a playwrighting class. Both of these courses demand that I complete weekly writing assignments, and in a few weeks, I will begin work on a full-length play manuscript. To add a 50,000-word novel to my to-do list gives me a sense of diluting my creativity...it forces me to focus on breadth instead of depth. I am not able to give any of my writing projects my full attention, especially with other demands like working as an actress and keeping a day job. Normally, I would reject "I'm spread too thin" as an excuse. I feel you must make writing a priority in order to be good at it. But with my MFA program, it's ALREADY a priority. It doesn't make sense to add a secondary writing priority. Doing so makes me less able to do meaningful work in either place.

This MFA program forces me to write regularly, which is one of the great strengths of NaNoWriMo. If that need is being met through homework assignments, I don't have as strong of a need to participate in writing a novel during November.

For me, NaNoWriMo is also a yearly reminder of the value of just creating, and that I am capable of writing, despite frustration or fatigue. But after 3 years, it's a lesson I feel I carry with me more permanently. I have less of a need for that reminder this year, though I'm sure the time will come when I need it again.

I have been worried that my resignation will be a disappointment to friends who have watched me on my yearly NaNoWriMo journey. I even set up a support group on Facebook for those who are participating this year. I regret stepping away from my novel, and worry about what it will mean for those friends who I began with. But ultimately, I knew this resignation was the best choice for me. I will still be available to offer moral support to my fellow WriMos, and I look forward to finishing my novel in the future. This resignation was not a decision made out of fatigue or frustration with my story or a lack of confidence. It was a thoughtful decision based on what my long-term and short-term goals are, and whether or not NaNoWriMo this year was helping me meet those goals.

Thank you for everything you do. You have inspired and continue to inspire generations of writers. I look forward to working with you again in the future.

Sincerely,

Liz Chapman

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A resignation

The "no's" that hurt

Acting = lots of rejection. We all know this. It’s part of life in the arts, blah blah blah. I’ve gotten to be pretty good at dealing with it, but sometimes there are “no’s” that hurt more than others. In an effort to embrace some sense of catharsis and to be honest about my journey as an actress, I thought I’d share a few “no’s” that hurt.

(Wait. I need to make a disclaimer. I 100% respect the casting choices made by the producers in all of these cases. I don’t share these stories to say “I should have been cast!” or to complain or to talk down these producers or theatres. It’s no director or theatre’s “fault” that I didn’t get the part. I’m just trying to be honest about my experiences as an actress and what I learned from them.)

#1. “Les Miserables” at Hale Center Theatre Orem, 2014
I auditioned for this show shortly after playing Sister in “Damn Yankees” at this same theatre, with this same director. Madame Thenardier is one of my DREAM roles, and I was like, 95% certain I’d make it. So when I didn’t even get a call-back, I was pretty crushed. But here’s the reality—I was still in “BYU-I mode,” where if I didn’t get cast in one show, I was almost CERTAIN to be cast in the next. I’d gotten cast in the FIRST thing I auditioned for in Utah, and so there was nothing in my experience to teach me that my being cast wasn’t guaranteed. So I did a mediocre audition, counting on the director knowing me to get me through. But I didn’t do anything in my audition that showed I could play Madame Thenardier. I didn’t do anything in my audition that showed that I was willing to work hard. I didn’t do anything in my audition to show I cared enough about this to give a stellar audition.

This one hurt because it was a dream role. But it also hurt because it was the first time I had to face the reality of rejection in the arts…like, REALLY face it. It was the first time I realized I couldn’t count on the director knowing me, and that I had to truly bring it to every audition, every time. It hurt to learn those things. (But I’m damn glad I did.)

#2. “Peter and the Starcatcher” at Hale West Valley, 2016
This one hurt only because it came right after “Beau Jest,” and I was so in love with “Beau Jest” that I just didn’t want to stop coming to the theatre. I know that there is no role for me in that show—I don’t think I would have made a good Molly. But a few of my “Beau Jest” family members were cast in the show, and it was a little heart-breaking to watch them get to keep doing this thing I love, while I sat at home at night. I had a similar experience with “Christmas Carol,” right after “Oklahoma”…I just loved doing shows at the theatre so much that I didn’t want to stop.

#3. Netflix Original Movie, 2016
Oh man, this one was tough. I won’t go into the details of which film this was, but I’ll say this. My initial audition was one of the best auditions I have ever done in my life. It feels so boastful to say that I nailed the audition, but…I nailed that audition. I was called back on the spot. For a NETFLIX ORIGINAL MOVIE. It wasn’t a huge role, but it was a decent one. Like, I would have been on set for probably 3-5 days. And I nailed the call-back, too. The call-back was with both the casting director and the film’s director, and after I read, the director just looked at me and said, “That was perfect. I have NO notes. So…tell me more about your experience?” We chatted, and I left feeling really really really good about it. I was one of the last people seen that day, and when I signed out, I discovered that I was the ONLY person called back for that role. I knew nothing was guaranteed, but everything about the experience gave me this sense that I had a really good chance.

Here’s the thing about film/television. Often, they’ll cast everyone ahead of time, maybe have a table read, then start shooting. But sometimes, for smaller roles, you won’t hear until later. That happened to me with “Mosaic.” I auditioned in August, they started shooting, and then I got a call saying, “You’ve been offered the role. Can you be there on Thursday?” So when I heard that the Netflix original I had auditioned for started shooting, I was like, “Okay. So I probably didn’t get it. But maybe!”

I had a friend who was a PA on the show, so he kept posting pictures on Instagram of the shoot, and I kept waiting to see if I got the call. Then another friend posted about how she was called in to be a featured extra on the movie. Then another friend posted about landing this amazing speaking role in the movie. And I just kept waiting, and waiting, and waiting, just on the off-chance that I was still cast somehow. I’ve learned that star power carries a little more weight than talent/being right for the role, so I knew that if they got someone with more credits, with a more well-known face and name, they would get the role. But I didn’t want to be the needy girl texting my friends on the project, saying, “Hey, do you know who they got to play ____?”

And then, finally, my PA friend posted about “wrap day,” the last day of filming. And I hadn’t gotten the call. I didn’t get the part. I looked up who DID get the part on IMDB, and she definitely has way more credits than I do. Which is fair enough. And I’m sure she was awesome. She had a great look for the role, and I’m sure I can learn a few things from watching her (and my other friends) in the movie when it came out.

There will be other chances for me, I know. I just want everything NOW.

#4. “Sister Act” at Hale West Valley, 2016
It’s kind of taken me a while to really realize how this one hurts. Present tense, because it’s opening in a few days.

This partly hurt because this “no” came towards the end of this weird sort of surge of “no’s” that I experienced in June and July this year…it just felt like one after another. So not getting called back for “Sister Act” felt like I was being kicked while I was down.

I really, 100% really do understand why I wasn’t cast. My audition was…not great. My song choice was okay, but in retrospect, maybe not the best. And I didn’t sing it well. (In fact, I bombed the ending—played it off as comedy, but I still bombed it.) I didn’t act it well. And even if I had, there is nothing I could bring to the show that someone else couldn’t bring just as well. And “Cabaret” conflicted with like, the first three weeks of “Sister Act” rehearsal (almost half of the rehearsal process). So even if I did have a really great audition, if there are other people who could bring what I could to the show who could be THERE for the entire rehearsal process, then of COURSE, they should be the ones with their names on the list.

But it still hurt. (Hurts.)

My sister and I grew up with the movie “Sister Act.” It’s a huge part of my childhood. There are some significant differences between the film and the musical, but I still feel the same sense of nostalgia. And the messages of “Sister Act” are so beautiful and important to me…messages about being yourself, about worshipping in your own way, about allowing others to express their faith (or lack thereof) in ways that are meaningful to them. About worrying less about appearances and rules and more about genuine spiritual experiences. And those are messages that are especially needed in the Utah community where I live, and it would have been a beautiful privilege to be a part of sharing it.

And some of my dearest, dearest friends are in the show…people whom I love and admire for their work onstage and their friendship offstage. I’ve been so blessed to make some amazing friends since moving to Utah…it’s one of the greatest blessings of my life, in fact. So I feel a little sad that they all get to tell this story that I love together, and that I can’t be a part of it. And from all the posts I’ve seen on social media, it seems like this show is a really special experience for everyone involved. It seems like it stands out for the cast as a really unified production, and a really fulfilling experience, and one that means a lot to them. I’ve been in shows like that…where everyone just sort of feels that this cast is special, and this show is different from the others they’ve done. And I wish with my whole heart I could be a part of this one.

I don’t begrudge my friends the experience. (Friends in “Sister Act,” if you’re reading this, PLEASE don’t feel weird or bad or anything! Don’t stop posting, don’t stop loving your experience, please continue to embrace it for all that it is. Embrace it MORE for what it is.) My feelings aren’t jealousy—I don’t want to take away something you have and have it for myself. I just wish I could share it with you. I’m excited to come watch your work, regardless, though.

The positive thing is that each of these “no’s” also led to other “yes’s.” Whether that means being involved in other projects, or having the chance to take a class, or to focus on writing or school or my family. And each of these “no’s” did teach me something about being an actress, whether it’s to bring your A game to every single moment of every single audition, or that sometimes, you’re just not right for a part, A game or not. To the people who didn’t cast me in the past, or won’t cast me in the future, either way, I have an opportunity to learn and grow, and I respect your choices. I’ll keep learning. I’ll keep working. I’ll keep auditioning. And I’ll probably keep hurting every now and then. But it’s totally worth it. You’ve got to get through the “no’s” to get to the “yes’s.” And I’ll keep doing that. I don’t know how to not keep doing that.

Post-script: It felt really good to write all of this out. I've been catharsisized, and I feel better about life in general already. 

photos via this guy and this guy

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The "no's" that hurt

The Finish Line

I just sprinted through 3 days worth of work and homework and to-do list items in one day.

Late last night, I suddenly realized that my schedule was alarmingly full for Friday and Saturday, and wouldn't really give me much time to do all the things I needed to do. So I had two options: don't do any of it, or do it all today. I chose the latter.

I've been "on the go" since about 8:30 this morning. It's nearing midnight. Logically, I know I should go to bed like, RIGHT NOW, but I needed to take a moment and detox. Then I can take all the survival stress of today, fold it up, put it away, and leave it until it's absolutely necessary. (Or dismiss it entirely, really.) For me, stress is sort of residual...unless I consciously tell myself "It's all taken care of," I'll have this sort of background hum of stress for the next few days/weeks/months after a mini-crisis like today's.

But dammit if I didn't write a short screenplay, critique five flash nonfiction essays, respond to two poetry critiques, clean the house, buy groceries, take care of my nephew, do laundry, work 3 hours, write four notes to friends, plan a Sunday school lesson, make rice krispy treats, pick up a prescription refill, and balance my budget. TODAY.

I'm exhausted.

But now it means that I can give my full attention to working at the U of U tomorrow and doing a performance of Jane Eyre, and then doing TWO performances of Jane Eyre on Saturday, followed by an sibling-in-law family reunion.

Listen, I'm not sharing this because I recommend it as a lifestyle. It was kind of awful. Every time I got near my bed, it was like being sucked into a vortex...I just wanted to lay down and just...lay down. I'm sharing it because I have a compulsive need to write about my experiences, and to assure you that if you are feeling overwhelmed, you most likely CAN do all those things on your list.

I mean, it's probably fine if you don't, too. I've taken that path plenty of times. The world hasn't stopped turning every time I don't get things done.

Anyway. If you feel like validating me for accomplishing hella things today, that's cool. I'm going to bed, though, so I probably won't read it for a while.

photo via Seattle Municipal Archives, "Footrace 1925" 

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The Finish Line

Things to Look Forward To

Hey, guess what? It's almost spring! I can feel it. I know we've still got a few weeks of cold left, but March is barreling towards us, and I await her with open arms. But aside from spring, there are a handful of things that are making life exciting right now. It's especially nice to have all of these sunny things to look forward to after the post-show doldrums of Beau Jest ending. Here's what's on the docket for the next few months:

In a few hours, I'm getting on a plane to meet my sister and her girlfriend, and my mom and stepdad in southern California. We'll spend two days running around Disneyland, and I can't wait. My sister and I have been texting each other countdowns to this day for the last month and a half.

Then, the following weekend, Jacob and I and a few friends will be heading up to Rexburg to see our incredibly talented friends and family perform in BYU-Idaho's production of Antigone. It's been an awesome experience for those involved, and I'm excited to see the final product. Oh, and that weekend, we also get to watch the Oscars. And you know how much I love the Oscars.

And THEN, the weekend after THAT, Jacob and I are going to New York City for a whirlwind weekend. Jacob made it to final callbacks for The New School (did I mention he's auditioning for grad schools?), and even though we're not sure how we could afford moving to New York, it seems foolish to throw away this chance, so he's going. And since I was free, I decided to go with him. I'm planning on spending every day trying to see shows (lottery for Hamilton--I wanna be in the room where it happens), and possibly wandering the Met, while Jacob auditions.

Sometime in the spring, I'll be going to Germany to visit Dad and Mary. I had a big Europe tour planned, but I don't think the timing is right. I may try to make a weekend trip to Paris, but my epic two-week excursion will have to wait.

And when I return from Germany, it will be time (appropriately enough) to begin rehearsals for Cabaret. I just got cast in Utah Repertory Theatre's upcoming production. I'll be playing Frenchie, one of the Kit Kat Club performers. I haven't played such a dance heavy role in about ten years, and I'm still sore from call-backs on Sunday. But I've got until June to get my rear in gear, and I'm THRILLED to be doing this show. I'll be reuniting with some old friends, and I'm excited to work with some new ones. The show runs from mid-August to early September, if ya wanna come! (Although, fair warning, this is not a Hale-Theatre-Family-Style-Entertainment show. But more details on why I decided to do this show anyway forthcoming.)

What are you looking forward to nowadays?

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Things to Look Forward To

Mid-NaNoWriMo Thoughts

I feel like I'm trying to crash through brick walls on my NaNoWriMo novel lately. Partly because I planned this novel VERY poorly. And partly because I'm working on like, two other writing projects simultaneously. And partly because I have a crush on "Beau Jest" (the show I'm rehearsing), and it's all I can think about. But whatever the factors for my struggles, the point is that I'm struggling. So to give me a break from trying to novel-solve, I thought I'd share this bit of inspiration.

Ray Bradbury once told a story about how when he was 12 years old, he decided he wanted to be a writer. He had taken to learning magic tricks, and helping with carnivals that came to town. One day on a trip near Lake Michigan, he met a carnival magician named “Mr. Electrico.” (You can read the whole story of Mr Electrico in Bradbury's words here.) Bradbury wrote:

Mr. Electrico was a fantastic creator of marvels. He sat in his electric chair every night and was electrocuted in front of all the people, young and old, of Waukegan, Illinois. When the electricity surged through his body he raised a sword and knighted all the kids sitting in the front row below his platform. I had been to see Mr. Electrico the night before. When he reached me, he pointed his sword at my head and touched my brow. The electricity rushed down the sword, inside my skull, made my hair stand up and sparks fly out of my ears. He then shouted at me, "Live forever!"

A few days after that experience, back home in Arizona, Ray Bradbury began writing. He wrote one thousand words a day, every day, for ten years. Finally, when he was 22, he sat down at his typewriter and wrote the words “The Lake.” And then he just started writing whatever came to his head—a beautiful and sad tale about a boy who’s childhood best friend drowned in a lake, and when he revisits, he discovers that her body has been discovered, and it’s been preserved, small and unchanging, while he’s grown. And Ray Bradbury sat back from his typewriter, and he wept, because he knew that for the first time in his life, he had written something good. He wrote every single day after that, until the day he died, sixty-nine years later.

I’ve always loved that story. It reminds me that being good at something takes patience. I can’t imagine doing something every day for ten years if I wasn’t any good at it. I’d get discouraged. I’d give up. I do give up. Because it seems like MADNESS. To stubbornly persist in doing something you don’t think you’re any good at. I think back on my own life, and even things I’m pretty good at now, I feel like I’ve always had some small portion of talent. Granted, it’s very very small, and I’ve grown a lot through doing. And I suppose it’s possible that Ray Bradbury’s first ten years worth of writing was actually good, and he just had super high standards.

I feel like I’m rambling.

But the point is that any time I get discouraged in trying to write this story, or when I don’t get a callback or a role, Ray Bradbury’s story helps me. Just keep doing. Just keep working. If the end result of this exact work isn’t great, it’s simply practice for the work that will be great. And you can’t be great without the practice.

So here’s to the practice. For forging ahead in your writing when you didn’t plan things out well. For working that audition song when you’re sure you’ll fail. Just fail. You’ll probably survive your failure better than you realized you could.

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Mid-NaNoWriMo Thoughts

Calling Writers Anonymous

I'm in the middle of NaNoWriMo. And it was rough for a little while, but the last couple of days, I've been flying through my daily word count. I'm also working on two, no three, other writing projects--a journal of "Beau Jest" rehearsals, the Non-Paper Poetry Project, and this other secret project that I'll tell you about later. And I just signed up for grad school classes which will start in January, for my degree in Writing.

And now I'm blogging because I just want to KEEP WRITING.

I think I have a problem.

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Calling Writers Anonymous

What I've Learned About Acting in Salt Lake City, Part 2: The Theatre Scene

Welcome! This is Part 2 of a 3-part series! Part 1: Getting Serious, Part 2: The Theatre Scene, and Part 3: The Television & Film Scene. 

DISCLAIMER: I'm still fairly new here! My info is limited to my own experience. There are plenty of other actors out there who will have different advice and different insights. I am not any kind of resident expert--just sharing what I know.* So ask around--lots of other folks ARE resident experts. 


Here's the big pro: There are TONS of theaters out here! Mormons love the arts, and there are dozens of community theaters and a hearty handful of professional theaters.

Here's the big con: There may be tons of theaters out here, but everyone who works at them knows each other. It's one big incestuous theatre family. BYU has a huge musical theatre program and a huge acting program, and UVU's theatre department is INCREDIBLE. And the teachers from those programs also direct at several of the theaters. And most of the directors direct at multiple theatres. So it can be kinda tough to "break in" as a new face. (I seriously just got lucky with "Damn Yankees.") Persistence will be necessary.

And here's something that's either a pro or a con, depending on you: There's a BIG emphasis on musicals. There definitely is interesting, push-the-envelope, amazing theatre going on, but it's generally a little smaller, and doesn't always pay quite as well. So get comfy with musical theatre. (And you may be able to sing, and you may be able to dance, but the people at auditions with you have been doing both, with professional teachers, for 15-30 hours per week, for YEARS. So either get hella good, or get hella good at selling whatever you've got.)

So here's what I'd recommend:

1. Build your audition repertoire. Buy a binder and fill it with sheet music of songs you know, and make 16-32 bar cuttings of them. Bring it to auditions. Have a handful of monologues memorized or handy (30 seconds - 1 minute, both comedic and dramatic.) Practice often. Build variety. Know your strengths and play to them.

2. Get audition coaching. Starting with my "Oklahoma" audition, I've been going to Audition Advantage in Bountiful, and IT'S SO AWESOME. Erin, Jean (spelling? Sorry!), and Anne are all amazing. They can help you find a song, give you inside info about the production team and what they'll be looking for, coach you on the acting and singing, help you cut your music, help you pick an outfit, RECORD A REHEARSAL TRACK. I love it. No matter how good you are, it's always helpful to have fresh eyes. When I went there with my audition song for "Oklahoma," I was thinking I don't know what else these ladies can do for me. But Erin helped me break down the song and fill in the gaps, and I don't think I would have been called back without her guidance. It runs about $60/hour, but they'll also pro-rate that if you take less time. More info here.

Three frequently asked questions:

1. How do you format your resume?
For a long time, I approached that question like a graphic designer, and made GORGEOUS resumes. But in the acting world, straight-forward is actually best. Times New Roman, Helvetica, or similarly familiar font, no big graphics or flashy colors. You can see my current resume here. Print out a dozen copies, 8x10, ready to go so you don't have to worry about it on your next audition.

2. Should you join Equity? 
That's up to you. There are pros and cons, and it takes some research, but for most people, the answer is "no." Not unless you are living in New York and acting full-time. Because there just aren't enough Equity theatres in Salt Lake, and if you're Equity, you can't always work at non-Equity theatres. Joining a union always includes this dichotomy: You'll get less work, but it will probably be better paid work.

3. How do you find out about auditions? 
Most theaters will post their audition info online. You can also follow a handful of Facebook Pages to see audition notices (Audition Advantage is a big one, along with Theatre People of Utah Valley.)


Finally, here's a little info on some of the big theaters around here. (There are SO MANY theatres, you guys. I'm just listing the ones I've heard the most about or worked with personally.) Each of them hold regular auditions...the best thing is to keep checking back on their websites (some also have an email list that will notify you of upcoming auditions). If you're OCD like me, you can even make an organized list of these auditions.

Pioneer Theatre
Salt Lake City
Professional LORT venue. They hold auditions in New York and Salt Lake. They rehearse during the day for 2-3 weeks and shows run for about 4 weeks. Paid (equity rates). Audition info here.

Hale Centre Theatre
West Valley (close to Salt Lake)
Hub of musical theatre and comedies! (Think family-style theatre.) Very professional--take good care of their cast and crew. Shows are almost always double-cast. Rehearse for 6-8 weeks in the evenings, shows run 4-8 weeks. Paid ($15 per rehearsal, $25-$65 per show). Audition info here.

Hale Center Theatre Orem
Orem (close to Provo)
The smaller, more intimate cousin of the Hale in West Valley. Same details as above, but pay is a little lower ($15-35 per show). Audition info here (click on the side link that says "Auditions).

Egyptian Theatre
Park City (about 40 minutes east of Salt Lake)
Serves as both a venue for concerts, stand up, recitals, and films, and occasionally produces shows. Rehearsals and run times vary. Occasionally paid. Audition info here.

Grassroots Shakespeare Company
Orem (close to Provo)
Founded and run by a few college-aged enthusiasts, they take an awesome sort of "punk" approach to Shakespeare. Or an "Elizabethean" approach, depending on how you look at it. Just like in Shakespearean times, actors rehearse very little, bring their own costumes and props, and perform in an outdoor space. A few of their past productions include a production of "Titus Andronicus" with a "splatter zone" audience area, and a production of "The Little Mermaid," told through verses of Shakespeare's plays and sonnets. Minimal rehearsal, shows run 3-6 weeks, with occasional exceptions. Also produces 3 plays as part of its touring company. Unpaid. Audition info here.

Salt Lake Acting Company (SLAC)
Salt Lake City
Home of some of Utah's "edgier" theatre. They do everything from musicals to comedies to dramas, as well as develop new plays. They also do a yearly show called "Saturday's Voyeur" (har har), which is an irreverent satire of current events, focusing on local culture. Rehearsals vary. Shows run 4-6 weeks. Often paid, but rates vary, and sometimes unpaid. Audition info here.

Utah Repertory Theatre
Salt Lake City
A tamer cousin of SLAC. They also produce musicals and straight plays. They provide detailed content advisories for their shows, but will still do theatre that wouldn't work at places like the Hales. Rehearsal schedules vary, but generally evenings for about 6 weeks. Shows run 2-3 weeks. Occasionally paid (rates vary, usually not more than a few hundred dollars). Audition info here.

Centerpoint Legacy Theatre
Centerville (about 30 minutes north of Salt Lake City)
Big fancy theatre that does lots of professional shows. Their season usually features similar fare to the Hales (family-oriented musicals and comedies). Rehearses in the evenings for 6-8 weeks, shows run 4-6 weeks. Unpaid. Audition info here.

Scera 
Orem (close to Provo)
This venue is both a movie theatre and a live theatre. They have both an indoor space and an outdoor space. They have a big focus on education, so they do a lot of theatre for young audiences. Generally rehearses in the evenings. Shows run 2-6 weeks. Unpaid. Audition info here.

Utah Shakespeare Festival
Cedar City (about 3 1/2 hours south of Salt Lake City)
Summer-stock theatre, repertory style. Auditions are held in late summer/early fall for the next year's season. Full-time summer work. Paid. Audition info here.

The Grand Theatre
Salt Lake City
Focuses on musicals. Rehearsals run evenings, about 6 weeks. Shows run 3-4 weeks. Paid. Audition info here.

Desert Star Playhouse
Murray (10 minutes south of Salt Lake City)
Dinner theatre that does locally-focused parodies of well-known works (stuff with titles like "Star Wards" and "Murder on the Frontrunner Express"). Open auditions are held seasonally. Shows are usually double-cast and run for about 3 months. Paid. Audition info here.

PYGmalion Theatre Company
Salt Lake City
Theatre focused on women and women's stories! They put a big focus on original works, but also do well-known plays as well. Shows are usually cast for the entire season during one audition process. Paid (around $1000). Audition info here.

The Echo Theatre
Provo
Small community theatre--actors usually assist with costuming, set construction, etc. A great place to work and create collaboratively. Rehearsals run in the evenings, usually about 6 weeks, and shows run 3-6 nights a week for about 2-4 weeks. Also runs short play festivals. Unpaid. Audition info here.

HAPPY AUDITIONING! 

Have anything else you'd like to add? Give us your tips and insider info in the comments!

* Like, seriously. Part of me feels like I don't have any right to be giving others advice. But others helped me on my journey, so I want to pay that forward. 

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What I've Learned About Acting in Salt Lake City, Part 2: The Theatre Scene

What I've Learned About Acting in Salt Lake City, Part 1: Getting Serious

Welcome! This is Part 1 of a 3-part series! Part 1: Getting Serious, Part 2: The Theatre Scene, and Part 3: The Television & Film Scene. 

DISCLAIMER: I'm still fairly new here! My info is limited to my own experience. There are plenty of other actors out there who will have different advice and different insights. I am not any kind of resident expert--just sharing what I know.* So ask around--lots of other folks ARE resident experts. 

Jacob and I have been here in the Salt Lake City area for a little over a year now, and I've been thinking lately about how much I've learned as an actor. Not just when it comes to the actual craft of acting, but how to make it your career. So I thought I'd share with you a few of the things I've learned!

First of all, why move to Salt Lake City, Utah to pursue a career in ACTING? A few reasons:

1. It's pretty here. (Hiking! Mountains! Trees! Nature!)
2. The cost of living is pretty darn affordable. Rent for a 1-bedroom apartment runs in the $400-$800 range, depending on your neighborhood.
3. Lots of films and television shows get made here, because filmmakers get a BIG tax break from the state.
4. It's a great "training ground" if you'd like to move to Chicago, LA, or NYC someday. If you do choose to move to those places, you'll be competing with people who have IMDB credits and regional theaters on their resumes. If you DON'T have those things, SLC is a great place to gain them.
5. Most projects are non-union, so if you're not Equity or SAG, you can still find lots of work.

Do I have you convinced? Okay, here's what I've learned!

Okay, here are a few things that people have told me, or that I've learned on my own, to help you build a career in acting. I'm gonna focus specifically on theatre and screen in separate posts, so here are just some thoughts about acting in general.

1. Make an investment in your career. 
Be wise, and don't pay for things you can't afford. BUT, you should definitely expect to pay some money for good audition outfits, good makeup (for the ladies), and good headshots. Optional expenses include things like a pro membership on IMDB, a personal acting website, business cards and postcards, and lots more. Keep track of your expenses, though! Because if you make any money acting, you can write them off on your taxes.

2. Seriously. Get good headshots. 
This is so so so important. Like, this is what will get you in the door, and help people remember you. Here's what a headshot should be: It should focus on your face, and specifically on your eyes. Choose colors that flatter your skin and hair color, and stay away from black, white, and busy patterns. You should have two main headshots: one "commercial" (smiling, friendly) and one "theatrical" (serious "acting" headshot).

3. Remember that there are LOTS of factors that go into casting. 
Talent is a part of it, but it's only one small part. Other factors include look, type, voice, availability, compatibility, how much they'd have to pay you, pure instinct, what phase of the moon it is, the will of reptilian overlords, etc. It's impossible to know why casting decisions are made. And remember that success is a numbers game, as much as anything else. For every "yes," there will be at least ten "no's." So just keep auditioning. Sometimes it's pure statistics...the more you audition, the more likely it is that you'll be cast. Keep getting yourself out there, even if it feels like nothing is happening. (And when nothing is, remember the parable of "F you, Matt Damon.") So just give it the best you've got, and don't get too discouraged when you don't get something.

4. Actually, expect to be discouraged. 
Sometimes. Not all the time. But discouragement is almost inevitable. So is poverty. Especially when you start out. I think a lot of people start out by thinking that they won't experience discouragement and poverty like every other actor, but you probably will. That's okay. Join the ranks.

5. Keep an audition diary. 
It can be as detailed or as simple as you'd like it to be. This serves a couple of purposes. One, it will help you keep track of who you've auditioned for before, and if you've done any followup. Two, it will give you a chance to record thoughts and/or things you've learned. Finally, it actually offers a bit of encouragement to see what you've gotten, compared to what you haven't gotten. (Example linked here.)

6. Take a class.
Acting is a muscle, and if you're not working for a little while, taking a class is a great way to help you improve your work. It can also give you networking** opportunities, and help you build your audition repertoire. Sometimes another pair of eyes can see something about your work that you're not seeing, and can give you additional advice.

7. ASK for help, guidance, and advice.
When Jacob and I first made a plan to move to Utah, I sent messages out to everyone I knew who worked in acting in this area. I asked them every question I could think of, and their advice and guidance made my own career here possible. Sometimes we're afraid to ask for help, because we think it will make us look weak, or we're afraid to bother someone. But the reality is that people often respect those who ask for help, and they're often happy to provide their thoughts. It has always been 100% worth it to reach out to others in the field.

8. Learn to look your best.
*sigh* As much as I believe that our appearances aren't a measure of our talent or worth, they ARE a factor in casting and working. So ladies, learn to put on makeup that makes you look your best. Learn to put on fake eyelashes and take good care of your hair. Gentleman, learn how to style your hair and shave well. Everyone, learn what colors and lines flatter your shape, and wear clothes that make you look good. We all have insecurities, and that's okay--just don't dwell on them. Learn to play to your strengths.

9. Remember that your body is your most important tool. 
Treat it well. Learn to eat well, sleep well, exercise well. Don't fill your body with things that will harm it, like drugs or alcohol, or excessive sugar.

10. Decide whether you want to pursue paid or non-paid work. 
This is the big, ongoing debate in the world of the arts in general. Here's what I figure. You've worked hard to become a good actor, and you deserve to be paid for your work. But not everyone has the funds to pay you, nor the time/resources to find that funding. So you can decide for yourself on a case-by-case basis, or make a big decision and stick to it. For me, I focus on pursuing paid work. BUT, as I'm trying to build my resume and demo reel and IMDB credits, I'll sometimes take unpaid work if it will provide me with those things, or if it will give me a unique networking opportunity.

11. Don't ever forget your CRAFT. 
This is the most important thing. This is my deepest belief about acting as a career. In the midst of all of these businesslike tasks--"networking," getting headshots, taking classes, updating your resume, tracking your expenses--don't ever lose sight of your work AS AN ACTOR. Don't get into this for the fame. Get into this for the art. Take every opportunity to continue to improve and learn and grow. Challenge yourself. Connect with and listen to your fellow actors, on and offstage/screen. Your work as an actor must be about the human experience. If you don't know why you're doing this, that's okay. But try to find out. Think about and create your own philosophy of acting. Learn about techniques and systems, and find tools that work for you. Continually build your tool-box as an actor. Don't forget why you're doing this.

HAPPY AUDITIONING! 

Have anything else you'd like to add? Give us your tips and insider info in the comments!

* Like, seriously. Part of me feels like I don't have any right to be giving others advice. But others helped me on my journey, so I want to pay that forward. 

** I kind of hate that word "networking." It feels so cold and selfish and business-like. But I don't have a better word for it. Sometimes it's just that you want to take an opportunity to work with an artist you respect and admire. 

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What I've Learned About Acting in Salt Lake City, Part 1: Getting Serious

"The first draft of anything is s***." --Ernest Hemingway

In exactly 13 days, I and around 400,000 other aspiring novelists will begin the epic task of writing a novel. In one month.

Since 1999, every November has been National Novel Writing Month, or "NaNoWriMo." The goal is to write a draft of a 50,000 word novel (about the length of "The Great Gatsby") during the 30 days of November. This means writing at a rate of about 1667 words per day.

Crazy, right?

Right.

As long-time readers of this blog will know, this will be my 4th year of doing NaNoWriMo, and it's one of the hardest and awesomest things I've ever done.

Because the point isn't to write a GOOD novel. It's just to pound out that draft of the book you always SAID you'd write. Because you can take 50,000 words of rubbish and edit it to make a novel. You can't make a good novel out of nothing. I completed my first novel in 2013, and just a few months ago, finished a draft that's good enough to send out to agents and publishers. Because you gotta start SOMEWHERE.

So who's with me?! If you're in, there are a few handy resources and tools that have helped me in past years. Here they are!

1. NaNoWriMo Website
This is one of the best resources. On the website, you can update your daily word count, join local regions and hold write-ins, get pep talks from published authors, and visit the forums. I LOVE the pep talks, and the forums are an awesome resource if you're feeling stuck. There's even a forum called "The Adoption Society," where people put unused characters, plot twists, and settings up for "adoption" to be used in other works. I'm "Lizanator" if you want to add me as a writing buddy!

2. Pinterest!
It might sound a little weird, and there's definitely a possibility of distraction. But I've used Pinterest as a place to gather images, articles, websites, inspiration, motivating quotes, and other resources. I've also got a bunch of "plot generators" and writing prompts, if you want to write but aren't sure what to write about. You can check out my "Writing Things Down" board here.

3. TickTockTimer
You can also just use the timer on your phone...any ole timer works. I use this for two things: timing breaks and doing "word sprints." If I'm having trouble writing, I'll sometimes give myself 10 minutes to write, and 10 minutes of a break, and it keeps me productive. A "word sprint" is the practice of pounding out a bunch of words in a set amount of time. Say, 500 words in 20 minutes! Sometimes NaNo writers will challenge each other to these, and it's a fun way to meet goals.

BUT WAIT!!! IT'S ONLY OCTOBER! IT'S AGAINST THE RULES TO START WRITING UNTIL NOVEMBER! WHY ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW?! 

Because NaNoWriMo is easier for a lot of folks if you have a little bit of an outline. Or an idea. Or a half-coherent sheet of hastily scribbled notes. It's not NECESSARY. But if you want to participate, and you also want to plan, I thought I'd share this stuff NOW. You've got 13 days to come up with ideas. I spent yesterday afternoon mapping out the basic plot of my futuristic dystopian YA novel, and tonight I'll spend some time ironing out the kinks in the world I'm creating.

So, happy writing, my friends!

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"The first draft of anything is s***." --Ernest Hemingway

Whomp whomp...

Soooo, remember how I recently made this big, scary decision to pursue acting full-time? Almost immediately after announcing that decision, I was not cast in "A Christmas Carol." And that was...difficult.

Of course, rejection is always difficult. You kind of have to get used to it...it's an inevitable part of the business. But it's always a little harder with theatre rejection for me. With television or film or commercials, there's no cast list posted. There's no definitive "NO YOU DIDN'T GET THE PART"...you just don't get a phone call. And you're usually not Facebook friends with everyone else who auditioned, so you don't see them posting casting announcements and changing their cover photos to promo shots of the show you wanted to be in. And a television/film/commercial gig is something that lasts a few days. Theatre is a commitment of several months. And you usually only prepare for a day or two for a screen audition, since that's the amount of notice you get, as opposed to building your repertoire and meeting with an audition coach and rehearsing for a few weeks ahead of time. It's just a bigger investment to do theatre.

I also rely almost exclusively on theatre for my social life. I'm about 75% introvert, 25% extrovert, but my friendships are a very important part of my life, and I rely a lot on them to make me a better, more well-rounded person. I have no idea how to make friends outside of theatre, even though once I know people, I'm all right outside of theatre. But I also know that actors are generally busy people--most of us don't have time to "go to lunch" or something. So if I'm not in a show, I'm...watching Netflix. I could grow a pair* and just invite people to hang out, but I'm inherently sort of awkward at doing that. It's a lot to overcome that awkwardness to get to the actual bonding time. So not being cast in a show, for me, also comes with this added weight of not spending as much time with people I care about.

When it comes to "A Christmas Carol," there was also the added weight of finances. My budget right now will last me until the end of November, but if I had been cast in "A Christmas Carol," I would have made it until the end of January, for SURE. Without absolutely needing any film/television/commercial/background gigs, and without needing another job. It would have essentially bought me two more months to pursue this pipe dream of acting full-time. I still might get enough film/television/commercial/background work to keep me going for a few more months, but I don't have the guarantee I would have with getting cast in "Christmas Carol." And I sort of missed auditions for a lot of other things, because of conflicts with "Oklahoma"--I'll have to wait a little while for the next round of auditions to come around.

("But Liz, you have a husband who works! Isn't he the breadwinner? Can't he support you both while you pursue this dream?" Yes, I do have a husband who works, and technically, he could support us both, but I can't bring myself to let him do that. He's working a great job right now, but it's not something he is passionate about, and he took it because the EXTRA income it generates allows him to pursue HIS dreams. I can't, in good conscience, ask him to give up his dreams for mine, which is what I would be doing if I made him pay all the bills while I auditioned for stuff.)

Anyway, if it's not obvious by now, I just had a lot of eggs in that "Christmas Carol" basket. And right after making this decision to throw myself into acting full-time, not getting cast felt like the universe shouting "NOPE! You can't do this! You can't fulfill this life-long dream of acting as a career!" When you're vaguely terrified (which I am about trying to act full-time), any rejection feels bigger. Like you got shut down the second you tried.

But, really, I know it will be okay. It always is. I'm still sort of in mourning, but I've had a lot of good reminders that I'll be taken care of. Loving words from a good husband. Moving and profound moments in "Oklahoma" that speak to my heart as much as to Aunt Eller's. Sincere hugs in parking lots and backstage hallways. Encouraging words from friends. Little revelations that keep me focused and keep me grounded.

So give me another day or two to mourn and recalibrate, and then it's "F*** you, Matt Damon"** and moving on. I'm glad I've got so many good people in my corner on this journey.


* of testicles OR ovaries; both are symbols of power and courage
** see linked blog entry if you don't get the reference

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Whomp whomp...

Things I Have Loved About My 20s

I made a decision as a teenager to just enjoy my age, no matter what it was. I never wanted to be someone who pretended she was younger or older than she was...who turned "39" at every birthday after 40. I want to just embrace whatever age I am.

And now I'm approaching 30. I've got roughly a week and a half left of being 29, and then it will be September 8th, and I'll be leaving my twenties behind forever. And I find I don't even really have to try to embrace my age. I really enjoyed my twenties. I think I'll enjoy my thirties, too.

Of course, there are things about my twenties that I think I'll miss. Everything was a lot more dramatic throughout my twenties, it seems. Every decision was life-altering! Every love was a great love! Every friendship was an eternal friendship! Life was a non-stop adventure! As a Latter-day Saint, my adventures were probably pretty "vanilla." But I still had some good times, some of which are probably somewhat universal. Things like:

Staying up all night talking to someone, sleeping for a few hours after the sun rises, and then going to work/class despite the fact that you're barely awake.

Making plans with friends to visit a natural hot springs and then ending up in a casino on an Indian Reservation, in your bathing suits, during a blizzard. (No? Just me? Oh...)

Streaking. Flashing. Skinny-dipping. Almost anything involving nudity. I feel like it becomes less acceptable as you get older. Maybe it becomes more fun, though. I'll keep you posted. (I am, after all, naked, but not stupid...)

Making out with someone and then thinking, "Wait. Maybe that was stupid." (And usually being right.)

Eating really poorly, and totally getting away with it. I'm now almost 15 pounds heavier than I was when Jacob and I got married. My 24-year-old metabolism was working a lot better than my current one is.

Making mixed CDs and listening to them while taking long walks alone at night. I did this ALL THE TIME when I was at BYU-Idaho. I miss it sometimes, but I don't live in as safe a neighborhood nowadays. And I don't have quite the same need to go on those long walks now...I have less I need to figure out and ruminate on.

Having roommates. Sharing the bathroom, berating each other for not doing the dishes, making blanket forts, watching movies. And sharing clothes! Man, I miss having like 3 additional closets worth of clothes to choose from.

Not behaving like a responsible adult in stores--toy stores, grocery stores. This could mean both running around and being loud and obnoxious in general...it could also mean spending $40 on Nerf gun supplies. 

Being able to go out dancing, and having much more stamina than you will have later in life. 

Accepting bizarre circumstances without really questioning them. In my twenties, I made friends by wandering into their apartments at some point in the evening. I made friends by smearing chocolate on someone's face during a party.  

I feel like ages 20 - 29 is characterized by the thought, "Wait. How did I get here?" (Both literally and metaphorically.) I remember thinking that thought every now and then during college. It was rarely anything extraordinary, but it was sometimes odd enough that I'd think, "Wait. How did I end up at a grocery store at 11:57 at night with the saxophonist of this jazz combo, with a package of toilet paper and a bottle of sparkling cider in my arms?" Or, "Wait. How did I end up at a bonfire in the sand dunes with no shoes, along with this female drummer and some guy from Brazil named Luis?" Or, "Wait. How did I end up wandering through a graveyard after riding her on the back of this guy's motorcycle?" (All true stories, by the way.)

And there were also times when the question "How did I get here?" went a little deeper. Times when I thought, "How did I end up being kicked out of student housing and on academic probation?" Or "How did I get to be alone like this?" But they weren't all negative. There were times after Our Town rehearsals my freshman year, when I would sneak back into the theatre and stand on the empty stage, looking out at all the seats and thinking, "How did I get here? What wonderful thing could I have possibly done to be this lucky? That I get to do this?" Or when I would sit among laughing friends at the Dairy Queen after a Comic Frenzy show and think, "How did I get so many amazing people to be in my life? How could one person be so blessed, to be surrounded by such wonderful friends?"

And I still think those things now and then. As I move out of my twenties and into my thirties, I know there's still a lot of adventure, and a lot of good times, and a lot of bad times, and a lot of strange times ahead. But I feel like I've slowly been moving from turmoil to contentment.

So here's to my fourth decade on earth. I think it will be a good one.

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Things I Have Loved About My 20s

Audition Diary, July 2014 - present

SHOW/PROJECT: Damn Yankees
DATE: July 2014
THEATRE/COMPANY: Hale Center Theatre Orem
AUDITION PIECE: “I’m Gonna Wash That Man Right Outta My Hair” from South Pacific
OUTCOME: Called back, single-cast as Sister!
THOUGHTS: Felt TERRIFIED in the audition, but was confident in my look. Also read/sang for Gloria at call-backs--didn’t feel great about that, but I went for it with confidence. Dance call-backs = CRAZY HARD. Learned that I either have to take dance classes, or make up in character what I lack in technique.

SHOW/PROJECT: Marriott commercial
DATE: August 2014
THEATRE/COMPANY: G&G Casting
AUDITION PIECE: Dance combo taught at auditions
OUTCOME: Called back, not booked
THOUGHTS: Fun, and crazy! SOOOO many people! A good chance to put into practice the thing I learned from the Damn Yankees dance aud--if you can’t dance it, personality it! Although the dance was totally do-able and not hard. I did have a conflict, though (rehearsal) with shoot dates.

SHOW/PROJECT: Les Miserables
DATE: October 2014
THEATRE/COMPANY: Hale Center Theatre Orem
AUDITION PIECE: “Oom Pah Pah” from Oliver
OUTCOME: Not called back, not cast
THOUGHTS: Felt overly confident in auditions, but realized later that I was pretty bad...vocally, performance-wise, etc. Was admittedly (and stupidly) jealous when another girl got Madame T, but in retrospect, she works harder and brings it to every audition and every role, on a level that I don’t. I want to catch up with her. Spent way too long having a pity-party until a friend called me out on it. A good lesson to learn.

SHOW/PROJECT: Barefoot in the Park
DATE: November 2014
THEATRE/COMPANY: Hale Center Theatre Orem
AUDITION PIECE: Sides from the show (provided), read for Corrie
OUTCOME: not called back, not cast
THOUGHTS: Felt pretty good about auditions, but knew I had a MAJOR conflict by being single-cast in Damn Yankees.

SHOW/PROJECT: Over the River and Through the Woods
DATE: February 2015
THEATRE/COMPANY: Hale West Valley
AUDITION PIECE: Sides from show (provided), read for Caitlin
OUTCOME: Called back (one of 4 women! for 1 role which would be double-cast!), not booked
THOUGHTS: Felt really good about making strong choices in the initial audition, and felt VERY connected with my scene partner in auditions. Although maybe “too” connected...it’s supposed to be a blind date. Also had to do that stupid line “Did I actually just say that out loud?” It's a line that I find so cliche, so I dodged it with a different choice. Maybe not the one the director envisioned.

SHOW/PROJECT: The Little Mermaid
DATE: February 2015
THEATRE/COMPANY: Hale West Valley
AUDITION PIECE: “Feed Me” from Little Shop of Horrors
OUTCOME: not called back, not cast
THOUGHTS: Decided on this audition at the last moment, and felt good about it for a few reasons.
Geoff (choreographer) waved at me with a grin when I walked in; also I approached this audition differently and less fearfully. Instead of “What do you want? Do you want me to be blonde? I can be blonde, what about height, I mean I’m a good height, but I can be meaner, do you want to see it again meaner?” I just thought, “I’m just going to do THIS piece really well.” And I feel like I did.
Also, afterwards, I felt aware of the fact that I wasn’t strictly following the music, which is something I should probably do in auditions, so they know I can.

SHOW/PROJECT: USPS In-house industrial
DATE: Feb 5, 2015
THEATRE/COMPANY: Jeff Johnson Casting, audition arranged through McCarty
AUDITION PIECE: no lines, moments from story-board
OUTCOME: not booked
THOUGHTS: Had fun! I still feel amatuer at this, but I’m just glad to be getting out there. Took everyone’s advice, and just was myself. I made the casting director laugh, so that was a boost, even if I don’t get cast.

SHOW/PROJECT: Being Charley - comedy film (dir. Rob Reiner!)
DATE: Wed, March 11
THEATRE/COMPANY: Jeff Johnson Casting (through McCarty)
AUDITION PIECE: Sides (Cindy - hippy equine therapist)
OUTCOME: not booked
THOUGHTS: Not my best work, but not my worst either. They asked for two different options and I thought I gave them a decent contrast. Jeff Johnson himself was there and told me “Nice work,” and the casting guy recognized me and was friendly. I’ve got to work on where to look--NOT the camera! That’s my weakness--I treat the camera like my scene partner. But am I supposed to treat the reader like my scene partner? And look there? I should also practice in the car or something first--my first reading was sort of a “dress rehearsal.”
I asked around among industry folks--I should look at my scene partner. Looking into the camera instantly shows that I’m an amateur. Blerg. Might have messed up that audition a little much, but it’s a good lesson to learn. And I’m getting better at dealing with rejection.

SHOW/PROJECT: Into the Woods
DATE: Monday, April 20
THEATRE/COMPANY: Hale Orem
AUDITION PIECE: “Wait” from Sweeney Todd
OUTCOME: Not called back, not cast
THOUGHTS: Man, my voice is out of shape. Singing is like a muscle--and I haven’t really worked it in months. The song wasn’t in the best place for my range...the first half was golden, but I struggled a little bit with the higher second half. I thought about changing the key, but decided to keep it where it was, since the roles I'm most interested in (Baker’s Wife, Witch) are mezzo/soprano roles. I felt really good about my acting, although I fell out of it a little when my voice didn’t sound amazing on the higher stuff. I feel like I’m getting better at auditioning, slowly but surely. Or at least, I’m not getting as crazy-nervous and I used to.


Next audition: May 16th.

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Audition Diary, July 2014 - present

The year of the reel*

WELCOME TO THE NEW YEAR! I'm sure there are grammatical inconsistencies in this, but I'm too lazy to correct them. There are also several design inconsistencies, but I'm too lazy to correct those too. Anyway. Here's our family newsletter for 2014!

Also, if we look cool at all this past year, it's because of Cassidy Hilton. He took the above picture, and he also wrote and directed "The Interrogation," which is probably one of the coolest things we've ever filmed.

*double-entendre, pun intended. We dove into film work this year (film "reel") and made a lot of exciting transitions (the mind "reels"). 

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The year of the reel*

NaNoWriMo countdown

Okay, FINE! I'M DOING NANOWRIMO AGAIN THIS YEAR AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME. 

I am, once again, joining the several thousand fools who are attempting to write a 50,000-word novel in 30 days. That's a little over 1,000 words a day, to end up with a novel about the length of "The Great Gatsby."

I know I said I didn't want to have two unedited manuscripts laying around--I wanted to finish one completely before starting another--but I changed my mind. My logic is that when I get bored with editing one, I can edit the other! Plus, I've got this great story idea, and I feel like I need to tell it. So I'm going to. (Even though I work 12-hour days, not including my commute.) If things are a little quiet around here for the month of November, it's because I'm insanely doing this insane thing.

If you're interested in joining the madness and fun, but don't consider yourself a writer, or if you're uncertain, I say GO FOR IT! You have nothing to lose! I've done it twice--the first time in 2009, and again last year. In 2009, I didn't technically "win" by reaching the 50,000-word count. BUT, I did write a 30,000-word memoir of my experience selling Kirby vacuums door to door, and I never would have had that manuscript unless I did NaNoWriMo. The point is to just get it on paper. Even if it's crap. Because you can turn 50,000 words of crap into a novel. You can't turn a lack of 50,000 words into a novel.

And I highly recommend joining the NaNoWriMo website! You get pep talks and encouraging emails and can be notified of cool events in your area and connect with fellow writers!

Any fellow NaNos out there? The kick-off is this Saturday, so this week, I'm loading up on inspiration and EasyMac. I thought I'd share some great story-writing resources that I've used in the past. These are helpful whether you're writing a screenplay, a stage play, a novel, or a short story.

Pep talks from the NaNoWriMo website
One of the great things about signing up on the NaNoWriMo website is that you get regular emails from famous authors, offering you advice and encouragement. You can also access all the past Pep Talks here. I'm especially inspired by the talks from John Green, Scott Westerfeld, and Dave Eggers.

Scriptnotes Podcast
John August (Go, Big Fish, Charlie's Angels) and Craig Mazin (Identity Thief, Scary Movie 4, The Hangover Part II) are two successful LA screenwriters who do a weekly podcast about screenwriting and things of interest to screen-writers. I've never written a screenplay in my life, but I find SO MUCH HELPFUL ADVICE from these guys. They talk about everything from character to dialogue to plot structure to lying and secrets. Almost all of it has crossover into novel-writing. Check it out on iTunes or here.

Blog Novel Doctor
I stumbled upon this blog last year while looking for some advice on how to get over writer's block, and ended up reading through almost the entire archive. There are tons of resources on how to outline a novel, what to do when you get stuck, and how to keep your head in the game. Check it out here.

Advice from Pixar
Someone fantastic took a bunch of statements and ideas from Pixar about how to create good stories, and put them together in a cool visual presentation called "Pixar's 22 Rules of Storytelling." There are lots of helpful reminders and good ideas. Check it out here.

Outlining Resources from Creative Writing Now
It can be a little overwhelming to try to tackle something as big as a NOVEL. I'm a big fan of outlines and planning tools--they saved my butt in past years. Some people prefer to write without them, but I find that it helps me stay organized and guided. This website has some great printable worksheets, and you can create your own based on their ideas. I'm an especially big fan of the Novel Outline, the Scene Outline, and the Character Outline. Check out the website here.

And of course, if you just google "novel writing tips," you'll find oodles of resources more.

HAPPY WRITING! 

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NaNoWriMo countdown

Minor Crisis: A Psychological Self-Analysis

WARNING: This blog post is an unflinching and slightly embarrassing glance into my own psyche. 

Good news! I got a regular full-time job!

Bad news! I didn't get a call-back for Barefoot in the Park!

And all of these things are creating in me a whirlwind of emotions and it's kind of overwhelming. So I'm going to write about it because that helps me process it. And I'm going to post it here because sometimes talking about things helps others to deal with similar experiences. Here's what's going on.

FULL TIME JOB: 

I've been subbing for a couple of months all over Utah Valley. After subbing for the secretary at a private school in Salt Lake City, they asked if I'd be interested in becoming a permanent in-house sub for them. I said yes, and THEN I found out they were looking for a permanent secretary. So I put my name forward and got the job! I'm a real adult, with a salary and benefits and a 45-minute commute and everything. It's kind of lame that I can't just take a day off whenever I want to, like I could when I was subbing. But it's nice to be paid almost twice as much now as I was as a substitute.

And the job is way less intense than teaching is. Teaching involves a lot of classroom management and planning and grading and talking and running activities and supervising and it's generally exhausting. I feel like that's not the kind of thing I can give to a school full-time right now. But I CAN sit at a desk and answer phones and organize files and hand out band-aids and deal with student discipline. And when the school day ends, my work ends--there's none of this silly after hours planning business.

But for some reason, I find myself feeling incredibly anxious while I sit at this desk every day. It might be because I have to get up earlier than usual, and lack of sleep makes me more prone to anxiety. But if I tune in to my body while I'm at school, I notice that my jaw is clenched and my stomach is tight and my breath is shallow. And I couldn't figure out why I kept needing to do calming exercises.

So here's my theory.

It always takes me a while to find my footing in a new group of people. It's easier with theatre people, because they're my "tribe" and I already know the "script" for social interactions in a theatre. In this educational world, I have things in common with the teachers and administrators that I work with, but it's harder for me to...connect. I feel shy and not very confident and generally a little lost. That's true of ANY new job--I always feel like the new kid at the lunch table, certain that no one will like me.

In the first few days here, out of uncertainty about my place, I let my slight OCD run its course unbridled--the desk was organized and everything was labeled and I was effing efficient. And in very complimentary ways, everyone was like, "This is awesome! You're so efficient! You're so good at this job!"

And in a bizarre Pavlovian response, here's what I think my brain subconsciously did:
"That's how I'll get everyone to like me! I'll be efficient and good at being a secretary!"

Then suddenly, every single thing I did as a secretary was a representation of my worth as a human being. So it had to be PERFECT! Because if it wasn't perfect, I was a crappy human and no one would like me! So the names on the files all had to be the same size! The drawers always had to be organized! Everything had to be color-coded! All the pencils had to be sharpened and all the pens had to have caps! Because if not, I SUCK!

This is how perfectionism is the worst.

CALL-BACKS: 

So even though I'm single cast in Damn Yankees and would have to miss like, 10 rehearsals, I auditioned for "Barefoot in the Park." I feel like I could be a decent Corie, and I was interested in the challenge and fun of the part. I feel like I did pretty good at auditions, but thought I probably wouldn't get cast. There are dozens of capable actresses who could play that part and who DON'T have major schedule conflicts. But I had this horribly narcissistic vision that I'd be good enough to warrant a call-back--that I'd impress the auditioners so much that they'd call me back, even though I wouldn't get the part.

And then I didn't get called back.

Which was lame.

The rejection you have to deal with in this industry is well-known for being torturous. I felt certain for a while that I was the ugliest, least talented, most terrible actress ever. Because of one audition I didn't get called back for. And because I was also dealing with this neurotic perfectionism thing from work, not getting called back felt like the final nail in the coffin of my self-esteem.

SOLUTIONS/COPING MECHANISMS: 

So after moping and feeling miserable for the first half of the week, and feeling guilty about feeling miserable, I finally did this:

1. Gave myself permission to take some time to mourn/feel miserable/feel mopey. 
I didn't want to wallow forever, but it was perfectly understandable that I was not exactly feeling cheerful. And that's allowed. I'm allowed to feel sad sometimes! So I gave myself some time to do that.

2. Gave myself this reminder: 

It's a lesson I keep needing to learn over and over again, but if you form friendships by not being genuine, those friendships will feel like work for the rest of your life. I don't want that. I want to just be me. I want to be comfortable in my own skin. It just takes a few daily reminders sometimes to do that. Because I don't have to prove my worth to anyone else. I'm valuable just because I'm a human being. And if the file labels aren't perfectly straight, I'm still a good person.

3. Remembered that Heavenly Father guides my life if I allow Him to. 
So I didn't get cast in Barefoot in the Park. It could just be that I wasn't right for the part. But it could also be that and that there's something else for me to be doing right now. There may be other people to meet or other projects to do. Or maybe doing the show would be taxing in ways I hadn't anticipated. Whatever it is, I trust that things will all work out.

4. Began to focus outward. 
Pride isn't self-love. It's self-obsession. When I allow my thoughts of perfectionism to rule me, when I hang my entire self-worth on things as arbitrary as clerical tasks or as uncontrollable as auditions, it's self-obsession. I think self-love is healthy. Self-obsession shuts you off from inspiration, keeps you from connecting with others, prevents you from living in the moment, and generally makes you unhappy. It's one of the hardest lessons I've ever learned (over and over again), but in my own experience, it really is true that if you lose yourself in the service of others, you find yourself.

So if you'll excuse me, I'm going to end this blog entry that's all about me and try to be kind to those around me.

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Minor Crisis: A Psychological Self-Analysis