What are you doing August 21, 2017?

If you live in the United States and your answer is anything other than "watching the total solar eclipse," I'm gonna say you need to change your plans.

Here's why this whole thing is so awesome.

First of all, it's a cosmic coincidence that total solar eclipses happen AT ALL. Our sun just happens to be 400 times bigger than the moon, but it also just happens to be 400 times farther away from us. So from our point of view on earth, they appear to be exactly the same size. The moon passes between the sun and the earth, causing a total solar eclipse, fairly often...it's visible from some point on earth about once every 18 months. But the path of totality crossing the United States? That's a little rarer. The last time it happened was in 1979, and it won't happen again until 2024.

So where's it gonna be visible? HERE:

That grey band is where you gotta be to see totality. You'll still get a pretty good show elsewhere (check out this guy's site for more info), but it's less than a day's drive to get to the path of totality from just about any point in the U.S. So I say go for it! Carpe diem, people!

Although...two warnings. Number one, don't look at the eclipse without eye protection. You can suffer serious permanent eye damage from looking directly at the sun, even when it's partially blocked by the moon. You can get special "eclipse glasses" for hella cheap on Amazon, though (pack of ten for $10). Regular sunglasses won't cut it. Number two, hotels and campsites along the path of totality are BOOKED SOLID, and have been for months. Because big space nerds like me plan their entire year around this.

BUT JUST CHECK OUT WHAT WE HAVE TO LOOK FORWARD TO!
Here's what will happen in the path of totality on August 21st, 2017, over the course of about half an hour. (DON'T FORGET TO WEAR ECLIPSE GLASSES!)

First Contact
As the moon starts to move in front of the sun, it will appear to take a little tiny bite out of it. You'll be able to see this with a telescope before you can see it with the naked eye.

Crescent projections may possibly be seen on various surfaces
As more of the sun is covered, it will look like a crescent. If you happen to be near some trees or other vegetation, look on the ground. The spaces between the leaves create a "pinhole camera," projecting images of the solar eclipse on the ground. You can also create this same effect by making your own pinhole projector--just punch a tiny hole in a sheet of paper or cardboard.

Changing light
The light will become noticeably dimmer. You may even notice a strange or eerie "tint" to the light as more of the sun is blocked, and colors will appear washed out.

Strange animal behavior
If you happen to be near wildlife, you may notice some changes in behavior. Animals don't keep calendars of solar eclipses (that we know of), so they interpret the darkening light as oncoming twilight, and may either settle in for the night, or get up and start their nocturnal activities. (Joke's on you, fauna!)

Sharpening shadows
Because of the angle and amount of light, shadows become much sharper. If you look at your own shadow, you may be able to see the shadows of the individual hairs on your arms.

Drop in temperature
Two thirds of the sun's radiation is in the form of heat, so as more of the sun is covered, we get less of that heat. The weather changes will vary depending on where you are, but you can expect an average drop in temperature of about 10 degrees Fahrenheit.

Oncoming umbral shadow
Quick! Look to the west! You'll see the moon's shadow barreling towards you as the eclipse continues. The shadow moves across the landscape at over 1000 mph! (By comparison, planes cruise at around 575 mph, and the speed of sound is about 767 mph.)

Shadow bands
Just before totality, you may be able to see shadow bands rippling across any white-colored surfaces nearby. The tiny sliver of sunlight remaining passes through layers of turbulent air in the earth's atmosphere, producing shadow bands--kind of like the patterns the sunlight makes in water.

Bailey's beads
The moon isn't a perfect sphere...it's got mountains and valleys just like earth. As it passes in front of the sun, a few last shafts of light pass through these valleys, creating bright "beads" of light in a ring around the moon.

Diamond ring
When only one of Bailey's beads remains, the moon will look like a diamond ring in the sky.

Totality! 
THE MOON WILL COMPLETELY BLOCK THE SUNLIGHT! Totality will last about two and a half minutes, depending on where you are. And it will be amazing. Night will fall during the middle of the day, and instead of the sun, there will only be a black disc visible in the sky.
For a few brief seconds at the beginning of totality, you may be able to see the sun's red outer photosphere and chromosphere. If you are lucky, you may even see prominences, red streamers of light created by eruptions on the sun.
You'll be able to see the stars and planets during the day. In the United States, you'll be able to see Venus, Jupiter, and maybe Mars and Mercury.
The light will create a 360-degree sunset.
And for a few brief minutes, you'll get to see the sun's corona...outer wispy layers of ionized gas that are only visible during a total solar eclipse. The translucent shafts of light shining out from all sides of the sun is one of the rarest sights in nature, and can be as bright as a full moon at night. This is the main source of light during an eclipse. If you have a telescope or binoculars, you can look for loops and arcs in the corona that reveal the sun's magnetic fields. The corona is very difficult to photograph, and photographs aren't able to capture the full live experience of viewing.

Then, Bailey's beads will become visible again, the umbral shadow will continue moving west, and everything else will happen in reverse order.

AND WE GET TO WITNESS IT! This is a cosmic MIRACLE. I know the word "miracle" has religious connotations, but I can't think of a good secular equivalent to describe how incredible it is that this happens and that we get to be alive and on earth and in the United States to see it.

So what are you waiting for?! Make your plans! Figure out the closest path of totality and tell your boss you're taking the day off.

Here's your packing list:
- Binoculars and/or telescope
- Eclipse glasses
- A pinhole camera (piece of cardboard with a hole poked in it)
- A large piece of white posterboard or foamcore board to see shadow bands
- A full tank of gas
- A sense of wonder.

See ya in 54 days, solar eclipse.

Learn more about the upcoming solar eclipse here, here, and especially here.

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What are you doing August 21, 2017?

Child of Vision

I've been wearing glasses since about third grade. That's twenty years. Two thirds of my life. So, for my 30th birthday, I decided to get LASIK surgery.

For those who are unfamiliar with the process, here's the basic idea. The doctor uses a laser to cut a flap of your eyeball and then folds it over to get it out of the way. Then another laser "shaves" down the cornea, sort of the way you'd shave the lens of a telescope, to correct your vision. Then the flap gets laid back over, and it "seals" itself instantly. (The flap is never FULLY re-sealed, but enough to keep you from like, losing it through activity.) It's kind of like "tattooing your glasses onto your eyes." From start to finish, the whole thing takes about 20 minutes. There is a lot of other time outside of the operating room, doing tests, prepping, etc, but still, you walk out of the front doors about two hours after you walk in.

So, I don't know if you know this about me, but medical stuff kinda freaks me out. I'm working on getting over it, but I still get pretty nervous. The week leading up to the surgery, I tried not to think about it. Or if I did think about it, I'd think of it in terms of "a special eye appointment." There are a handful of things at regular eye appointments that are uncomfortable, but you just do them and move on (like that irritating glaucoma test). Here I am on the morning of the surgery, nervous, but ready to just get my "special eye appointment" over with:

And here I am, about half an hour later, laying on the floor with a pillow under my head because I almost passed out before entering the operating room:

It was easy to pretend that I was just going to a "special eye appointment" until they gave me the "YOU'RE BEING OPERATED ON" shower cap thing and put iodine on my eyes. And then my brain was all, "THIS ISN'T A SPECIAL EYE APPOINTMENT YOU ARE BEING OPERATED ON AND YOU WILL PROBABLY DIE OR PASS OUT AND THE LASERS WILL DESTROY YOUR WHOLE FACE." So I got a little panicky.  But one Jacob pep talk, half an hour of funny Twitter highlights, and two doses of Valium later, I felt good enough to step into the operating room and lay down.

The most uncomfortable part was cutting the flap. They give you numbing eyedrops, so you can't feel anything actually ON your eye. But they do have to hold your eye open with a little speculum* thing (a la "Clockwork Orange"), and then hold it in place with a little cylinder thing. It felt like something was...squeezing my eye. I guess something was. They did my right eye and between the pressure and the fact that everything went terrifyingly BLACK for a second, I started getting a little light-headed again, so the doctor/nurses let me pause and get my breath. We chatted for a little while about "Oklahoma" at the Hale, and then when I felt okay again, they did the left eye. This time I knew what was coming, so it wasn't so bad. I mean, it was still UNCOMFORTABLE, but not as terrifying.

Step two was folding the flap over, which didn't feel like anything (numbing drops) but looked weird. I could see the little tool coming at my eye, but everything just looked blurry. HOWEVER, this is also the moment that Jacob happened to capture on video. He could see into the operating room, and there was a screen showing my eye. I was going to share it here, but it was too small and blurry, so you'll just have to google similar images.

Anyway, then it was under the second laser for the actual re-shaping. All I had to do was lay there and stay focused on the green light above me while I tried to ignore the smell of my eyes burning for about 9 seconds. I distracted myself by thinking about how much the light array surrounding the green light looked like something from "Close Encounters of the Third Kind." Then they laid the flap back over my eye, which was extra weird because the doctor used this like...it almost seemed like a paint brush? To brush my eyeball flap back into place? I could see it but not feel it, and it was weird.

And then it was done! Here I am in the car, post-op, with protective shields and sunglasses to keep my eyes safe while they heal:

(My post "YOU'RE BEING OPERATED ON" shower cap hair is hot, right?!) And then I went home and took a nap, while trying to ignore the BURNING, STINGING, WATERING DISCOMFORT OF MY EYES. I mean, a couple of Ibuprofen took the edge off, but I was pretty uncomfortable. It felt best to just keep my eyes closed, which is why I think they recommend just taking a nap after the surgery. Anytime I did have to open my eyes (like at my post-op appointment later that afternoon), I looked like this:

But as of this morning, my eyes are non-stinging and WORKING PERFECTLY. I keep reaching up to take my glasses off when I get into bed, do my hair, change my clothes, put eyedrops in. It's the weirdest thing.

And I'm putting a LOT of eyedrops in. Steroids and antibiotics every 3 hours, and artificial tears as needed, which is like, every fifteen minutes because my eyes are the SAHARA right now. I'm pounding that Refresh like it's going out of style.

So happy birthday to me!

I know a lot of you like my glasses, but here's my logic. A) While I appreciate the compliment, my appearance is my own, and I don't always like my glasses. B) If I do want to wear glasses as a fashion statement, I CAN JUST WEAR FAKE ONES.

The only downsides to this business (besides desert-eyes) is that I haven't been able to wear eye makeup for a week, and still won't be able to for another week. Which, because I work in entertainment, sort of affects my audition and filming abilities. The other downside is that I've been working hard on my fitness goals, BECAUSE MY FITBIT IS MY FAVORITE THING, and the downtime from yesterday and today cut in to my momentum. But I'll talk about my FitBit another time.

Anyway, I'm now glasses and contacts free and I love it. If you've been thinking about LASIK, I highly recommend it. And I'm a wuss. So if I can handle it, so can you.

*Can we just agree that "speculum" is the grossest word in medical usage? 

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Child of Vision

#IStandWithPlannedParenthood

Anyone who follows me on Instagram probably saw this post from Tuesday night:

Here is the promised blog entry.

So for those who don't know, here's what's going on. I won't get into all the details--I encourage you to research on your own. But the reader's digest version is this: A conservative pro-life group called Center for Medical Progress recently went undercover and shot a bunch of surveillance type videos of Planned Parenthood executives discussing the sale of fetal tissue for medical research. They edited and released the videos, and everyone freaked out and then the governor of Utah decided that Planned Parenthood should stop receiving federal funds.

So on Tuesday, activists gathered on the front steps of the state capitol to show their support for Planned Parenthood with a press conference, a rally, speakers, signs and banners, and letters to the governor. And here's why I went and stood with Planned Parenthood too.

1. Because the Center for Medical Progress is less trustworthy than Planned Parenthood. 

Maybe I'm a little biased here. But I've done a lot of research, and here's what I've found.

After a lot of investigation, it seems that the Center for Medical Progress did some deceptive editing of their videos, which included everything from possibly fabricating specific statements, to using photographs of stillborn children without their parents' knowledge or consent.

Five states have completed investigations into Planned Parenthood's practices and have found no evidence of wrongdoing.

Furthermore, even if one or two executives of Planned Parenthood seem cavalier, they do not represent the organization as a whole.

And finally, you know...a "sting" like this one seems an awful lot like entrapment. Which, to me, seems just as worthy of ethical examination as abortion.*

2. Because fetal tissue research has improved the lives of millions. 

The idea of aborted fetal tissue being used for medical research might make you feel a little squeamish. That's okay. The idea of an IV makes me feel like I'm going to vomit.** But that feeling alone isn't enough to justify withholding federal funds.

Fetal tissue research has provided huge strides in developing treatment for AIDS, spinal cord injuries, molecular degeneration, and cancer. It has been key to developing vaccines for polio, rubella, varicella (chicken pox), Hepatitis A, ebola, and other diseases.

The process of obtaining fetal tissue through abortions is filled with checks and balances. A woman must finalize her decision to abort before tissue donation is discussed. The fetal tissue must be donated with the knowledge and consent of the patient. No financial profit can be made--any costs are associated with the storage and transportation of tissue. And, this is going to sound harsh or cold-hearted, but the reality is that fetal tissue donation makes good and positive and life-improving use of tissue that would otherwise simply be disposed of.

3. Because the issue of abortion is complicated. 

From an LDS perspective, abortion is actually kind of a complicated issue. The Church's official stance is that abortion isn't okay EXCEPT in cases of rape or incest or when the life of the mother is endangered. So...I see the Church's stance as sort of "limited pro-choice." In general, Church members are strongly discouraged from seeking abortions, but there are special cases in which it may be appropriate.

I don't think abortion will ever be a clear-cut issue as long as the point at which an embryo or a fetus becomes a "human being" is unclear. From an LDS perspective, the doctrine doesn't specify. The closest we have is a quote from Brigham Young, saying that the spirit enters the child's body when the mother feels it does. Which implies that it happens at a different time for every fetus. Which doesn't give any guidance as to when abortions should or shouldn't happen.

The sanctity of life is something I take very seriously. But that also includes the sanctity of a woman's life.

4. Because Planned Parenthood does amazing and important work. 

I am pro-choice. Please note that I am not necessarily pro-abortion. I do not think abortion should be used as a form of birth control. But Roe vs. Wade (the legalization of abortion in the US) was not the beginning of women getting abortions. It was the end of women dying from unregulated abortions. Abortion has existed since the beginning of recorded history. As long as unplanned or unwanted pregnancies exist, women will seek ways to abort. Providing safe and affordable and legal options keeps more women alive and healthy.

Here's what it truly comes down to. Know what causes abortions? (Hint: The answer is not access to abortions.) Unwanted and unplanned pregnancies. And know what causes unwanted and unplanned pregnancies? Lack of education. Lack of counseling. Lack of access to healthcare. Lack of access to birth control.

Abortion would be way less of an issue if we focused on comprehensive sex education, including consent, contraception, and the emotional factors of sex.

Abortion would be way less of an issue if we made contraception widely available and widely affordable. Telling people who can't afford it to "get a better job" or "get a better education" or "get better insurance" or "stop having sex" is ignoring the complexity of poverty and denying human beings reasonable and basic human desires.

Planned Parenthood provides all of the things that reduce unplanned and unwanted pregnancies. It is an organization that provides healthcare, counseling, advocacy, education, and outreach at little or no cost to the community members it serves. Medicaid, WIC, school health classes, and/or home environments cannot adequately replace this. Assuming that they can is a demonstration of privilege that not everyone has.

That's why I was there Tuesday night. That's why I sign petitions and write letters and blog. Because Planned Parenthood does so much good for so many people. To me, that's worth saving. And I'm glad that it's worth saving to at least 300 other Utahans, too.

* I'm not saying that entrapment is the same thing as abortion or the sale of fetal tissue. I'm just saying that both of them should be questioned, ethically speaking. 

** Again, I'm not saying IVs and aborted fetus tissue research are the same thing. I'm referring to the actual physical feeling of nausea that both might induce. 

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#IStandWithPlannedParenthood

Wandering Wombs: A Brief "Hystery" of Women's Medicine

WARNING: Depending on where you work, this may be NSFW. If you are uncomfortable reading about the history of female sexuality, skip this one. Even though it's enlightening and a little bit hilarious.

So I've been doing a lot of research on "hysteria" lately. And let me tell you, people were completely insane and woefully uninformed when it came to women's health. For like, MOST of human history.

Nowadays, we use the term "hysterical" to mean "crazy" or "experiencing large emotions." But until about 50 years ago, it was considered an actual medical condition exclusive to women.

And it goes all the way back to ancient Greece. Hippocrates (as in "the Hippocratic oath," yeah--that guy) believed that hysteria was caused by a wandering womb. (Hysteria comes from the word hystera, which means "uterus.") See, the basic idea was that lacking the warmth and lubrication of either pregnancy or "the male member," the uterus was prone to wander around the body, blocking important passages and causing disease and general mayhem. As Jacob pointed out, Hippocrates basically said, "I need to create a problem that my penis will solve." (If that ain't patriarchy, I don't know what is.)

By the 1800s, female hysteria was considered an epidemic, with an estimated 1 in 4 women suffering from it. Its symptoms included irritability, sexual desire, faintness, nervousness, shortness of breath, changes in appetite, and "a tendency to cause trouble," among other things.

But don't worry--doctors could get that pesky wandering uterus back into its proper place! Surgery and water hosing were used in drastic cases, but most women could find relief in a "pelvic massage," administered by a doctor.

Let's just call it what it is. (And I apologize if this is crude...) Women throughout the 1800s were going to their doctors on the regular for a hand job.

But take note! Sexual pleasure had nothing to do with it! No, doctors all knew that women experienced no sexual pleasure or desire--they simply submitted to their husbands in the name of duty and procreation. There was no such thing as a "female orgasm." Treatments for hysteria resulted in a "hysterical paroxysm," which was a release of tension caused by that wandering womb.

Jacob pointed out that it's strange that so many women were seeing doctors for the "treatment"--wouldn't it be simpler to just...take matters into their own hands?* Probably. But women were also taught that they didn't experience sexual desire or pleasure, so when they felt it, it was probably incredibly shameful. Masturbation was considered "self-abuse," with a host of dangers associated with it. I think many women really did believe in the medicine of the time--what else was there to believe? It's much safer and more acceptable to visit a doctor for the treatment of a medical condition.

Here's the rub, though.** By the late 1800s, doctors' hands were getting tired. Fatigue and cramps kept them from giving successful treatments. And so, in 1880, Dr Mortimer Granville patented the electromechanical vibrator.

That's right. The vibrator was invented because Victorian doctors were getting cramps from giving hand jobs to middle and upper class women.

"Personal massagers" became a huge hit, and they were sold everywhere from the corner market to the Sears & Roebuck catalogue. Regardless of what was actually going on, they were considered medical instruments, and there didn't seem to be any kind of shame or furtiveness attached to them. It seems bizarre now, but ads like these seemed pretty common:

At least, ads like this were common until the 1920s. Because what started appearing in the 1920s? Pornographic films. The use of "personal massagers" in film stripped them forever of their medical use, and from that point on, there was no escaping the sexual connotation. Vibrators disappeared from the mainstream advertising world until the sexual revolution of the 1970s. Nowadays, you don't often see ads for vibrators in mainstream magazines, but if you're interested in buying one, they aren't very hard to find.

And the disease "hysteria" was finally, FINALLY removed from the diagnostic world officially in 1980, with the publication of the DSM-III.

Please note that 1980 was only 5 years before I was born.

I mean, doctors had figured out long before this that the "wandering womb" theory was bunk and that women did experience sexual pleasure/desire. Throughout the early 1900s, "hysteria" came to also include what we now know as PTSD and mood disorders, which affected both men and women.

But here's what I want to point out. Here's why all of this matters. Aside from giving you an interesting thing to share at parties, I actually have something meaningful to say with this post.

I think that women today are still feeling the effects of thousands of years of being diagnosed instead of listened to. Women's legitimate emotional experiences are still being dismissed as the result of "hormones."

For so many generations, women were seen as emotional creatures incapable of making meaningful decisions. They were seen as needing either pregnancy, intercourse, or medical attention to keep their wombs in their proper place. In times throughout history when women were treated as property under the law, not given a voice in government, and subjugated to lives of domesticity, they responded with "irritability, nervousness, and the tendency to cause trouble." And when they responded this way, they were told that they had a medical condition.

I'm so grateful to live in a time and place where I have so much. I'm so grateful for the men and women who fought so that I could live the immensely privileged life I lead. But the work is not complete. We still have over 2000 years worth of bogus medicine to overcome. Somewhere buried in our collective unconscious is this persistent idea that women can be dismissed because they are emotional, because they are slaves to the hormones in their bodies.

The reality is that both men and women are emotional creatures who are capable of making meaningful decisions anyway. And it's time to acknowledge that.



*pun intented
**pun also intended

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Wandering Wombs: A Brief "Hystery" of Women's Medicine

The Mormon Darwinist: Why I Believe in the Theory of Evolution (And Still Have a Testimony)

I got to talking with a friend about evolution the other evening, and it got me all fired up and ready to discuss things, so I decided to write my thoughts here. I'm gonna do a little explaining, de-bunking, and testifying here, and it's much easier to present my ideas clearly in writing. I've had a long journey to my current ideas, and ten years ago or so, would have called myself a staunch creationist. But I've done a lot more learning since then, and I've come full circle (gasp!) without losing any faith in God. So here goes. (And I apologize in advance if this is a little...pedantic. I had to get a little academic here.)

First of all, let's get on the same page here.

READER'S DIGEST VERSION OF THE THEORY OF EVOLUTION

Let's meet Charles Darwin. Here he is with his striking eyes and startling beard:

Charles Darwin was a naturalist who spent several years in the Galapagos Islands in the 1830s, where he observed lots of variation among the flora and fauna. This got him thinking and theorizing and observing even more, and in 1859, he published "On the Origin of Species" and basically turned the world upside down. Before this, just about everyone (scientists included) tended to believe that all creatures put on earth were formed perfectly and immutably. Fossils were assumed to be from creatures that still existed somewhere, not creatures that had gone extinct.

Darwin offered a different explanation: creatures evolved through natural selection. Here's how natural selection works: Let's say, millions of years ago, creatures that we'd now call giraffes were wandering around Africa, but they've got short necks. One day, a giraffe is born with a genetic mutation that makes his neck just a little bit longer than the other giraffes'. Because of his long neck, he can reach leaves higher up in the trees. He's better nourished and that makes him a little bit stronger and healthier than the others. And in the animal kingdom, that means more procreation! So he finds a lady giraffe and they have a giraffe baby. And that giraffe baby inherits the longer neck from her father. So she gets to procreate, and she passes the longer neck on to her offspring. With each generation, the longer the neck. And the longer the neck, the better the chances of survival, since  long-necked giraffes can reach leaves that are higher, see predators approaching from far away, etc. The giraffes with shorter necks don't procreate as often, simply because they don't survive. And after several thousand/million years, you've ONLY got long-necked giraffes. Bam. New species.

Generally speaking, a new species is official when it can no longer reproduce with the old species. Because there's usually more than one mutation going on...giraffes aren't only getting longer necks with every generation, they might be getting taller legs, or different coat patterns, etc. Eventually, long-necked, spotted giraffes' sperm and eggs are no longer compatible.

Got it?

One of the biggest proofs of evolution is the fossil record. We can see how species changed, adapted, and went extinct because their remains were left behind, and we can date them based on how deep in the earth they are and carbon dating. There are millions of species that no longer exist. We can also see natural selection at work today, not only in the Galapagos Islands, but everywhere. Check out this famous moth example.

Okay, now let's do some de-bunking. Here are some common arguments against evolution, and my response to them.

COMMON ARGUMENTS AGAINST EVOLUTION

"Evolution is just a theory."
Here's a delightfully sassy quote by modern biologist Richard Dawkins to address this point: "So is gravity, but I don't see you jumping out of buildings."

In science, the word "theory" has a slightly different meaning than in everyday life. In everyday life, a theory is an idea or a guess...something that hasn't been tested yet. In science, a theory is the end result of lots of observation and experimentation. A theory both explains past observations and makes predictions future events and patterns. Scientists don't throw the term around lightly.

So when scientists say something is a scientific THEORY, they mean that lots of testing and observation has been done to prove it.

"I can't imagine something as complex as the human eye just EVOLVING."
This is an argument that I've heard a lot, and I admit that there is a poetry to it. A lot of it seems to stem from this quote from Darwin himself: “To suppose that the eye with all its inimitable contrivances for adjusting the focus to different distances, for admitting different amounts of light, and for the correction of spherical and chromatic aberration, could have been formed by natural selection, seems, I confess, absurd in the highest degree."

BUT, it seems that people often end the quote there. In reality, the very next sentence in this Darwin quote is, "The difficulty of believing that a perfect and complex eye could be formed by natural selection, though insuperable by our imagination, should not be considered subversive of the theory.”

And the reality is that although true evolution takes many many many years, this kind of complexity has been observed. Scientists have proposed how light-sensitive patches of skin eventually became the complex eye. Check out a summary of the idea here.

"Wouldn't we see species changing before our eyes?"
Well, that's not actually how evolution works. Evolution doesn't say that individual creatures will transform. It says that over time, generations of a species change. (See explanation above.)

"But Darwin didn't even believe his own theory."
I'm not sure where this one comes from. I don't know a ton about Darwin's personal history...I do know he struggled with aspects of his theory, partly because of his religious uncertainty and partly because it was a CRAZY BRAND NEW THEORY that was not widely accepted at the time.

And regardless of whether or not he personally believed it, it has been proven by countless other scientists.

"Fossils are just placed on earth by God to test our faith."
Here's why this doesn't jive with me, personally. Because God doesn't seem to work like that...I just mean that there doesn't seem to be precedent. Faith is hope for things not seen...not the denial of things seen. I can't think of any other examples in scripture where God showed us something with physical evidence and asked us to deny it. So it doesn't make sense that He would do that with fossils.

"If humans descended from monkeys, why are there still monkeys?"
Darwin never actually claimed that human are descended from modern monkeys. He claimed that humans and modern monkeys share a common ancestor.

Most of us are familiar with the famous "March of Progress" illustration of evolution:

But it's actually a little bit misleading...it seems to imply that a monkey just grew up into a man. A better illustration is this:

A monkey swinging through the trees didn't suddenly lose its hair and start walking upright. Somewhere around 12-16 MILLION years ago, some ancient primates had babies who could walk upright more easily, and they survived to have babies who did the same thing, and eventually, those upright-walking primates could no longer reproduce with the other primates and they were officially a new species.

"Evolution can't explain how life FIRST began on earth."
It doesn't claim to. Life spontaneously beginning on earth is one of the great mysteries of science, and there are several hypotheses out there. There are also several amazing experiments that are getting closer and closer to showing that life can be created from non-organic ("non-alive") compounds.

WHERE SCIENCE AND RELIGION INTERSECT
(AND WHY IT MATTERS)

Okay, now let's get to the good stuff. I'm a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, a "True Believing Mormon" with a testimony of a loving God. So how can I believe all this ridiculous science stuff that so blatantly denies a God? Here's how.

Creation of Man

So the Bible says that Adam was the first man. He was created from the dust of the earth. Here's how I reconcile this idea with that of human evolution.

One of the doctrines of the restored Gospel is that we are spirit children of Heavenly Father. Our spirits existed before we came to earth, and we inhabit our bodies like a hand inhabits a glove. So while there could have been generations of humanoid beings on earth, Adam was the first being who was a spirit son of God. Here's an illustration of what I mean. (And I know I just said that this illustration isn't a very accurate one, but it is a good one for illustrating this point). Like this:

The Bible says that "man was created in God's image" and "from the dust of the earth." But these are vague and poetic terms. It's totally possible that God just sort of snapped His fingers and swirled together a human being from dirt. But the fossil record says differently. The Bible doesn't give us the details of how man was created, only why. I don't think that scripture is the only source of truth...that it's the comprehensive guide to everything in the universe. The purpose of scripture is to bring us closer to God and help us know how to live good lives. I think that God wants us to study and find truth in all places, including the world of science.

Idea of Eternal Progression
When it comes down to it, the entire theory of evolution is all about how species change to meet adversity. And the entire plan of salvation is about how individuals change to meet adversity. To me, evolution is the physical and scientific parallel to the idea of spiritual growth. It's just that spiritual growth happens on an individual level and physical growth happens through generations. It's not a perfectly clean parallel. But it's one that resonates with me. 

My Place In the Universe
This is the "so what?" part of things. There are a handful of people out there who would ask "If you're just trying to be a good Christian, why do you need to know where human beings came from? Why do you need to understand any of this? Just be kind and move on."

And here's my reply.

While that may be enough for some people, it isn't for me. I think it's important to understand how the world around us works, because then we can better understand our place within it. And understanding our place within the world helps us know how to treat God's creations--how our actions affect the ecology around us. Understanding the scientific world reminds me that we are subject to the laws and patterns of the natural world. (And one of those things is evolution.)

There's also the awesome part of Mormon doctrine that says that I have the potential to be a God myself someday--to create worlds without end. But how am I to do that if I don't study how my own God did it? I realize that there will probably be thousands of years worth of curriculum on "planet creation" in the next life before I'll be ready to give it a go. And there are plenty of people who have lived on earth who didn't get a chance to study science and evolution in this life. But I do have the chance. And it strengthens my testimony to learn of these amazing things now.

Because here's the most amazing thing about the theory of evolution to me:

It reveals a God of immense complexity. 
From all that I've studied and felt and learned, I've come to see God as the Greatest Scientist. The God who loves me and knows me as an individual is also the master of the nuclear fusion that creates starlight. He is more than just an invisible man in the sky, a mere human being with magical creation powers. He understands the diverse and constantly shifting universe. That's incredible.

A God who can snap His fingers and create a living being is one worthy of worship, but one who can orchestrate a complicated machine of a universe is one worthy of emulation.

Have any other related questions or issues? Things you've learned? Things you've wondered? Leave a comment! 

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The Mormon Darwinist: Why I Believe in the Theory of Evolution (And Still Have a Testimony)

The Pursuit of Self

I've had this piece sitting in draft form for over two months now. And after tinkering with it for ages, I figured that this weekend, the 45-year anniversary of the Stonewall Riots, was a perfect time to finally post it. 

I found Grayson Moore online. After four semesters of assigning my students a profile paper, I realized that I’d never written one myself. Which was totally unfair. So I decided to join them. I logged on to the Facebook group “Mormons Building Bridges” and asked if there were any transgender members who’d be willing to be interviewed. Grayson Moore was one of the first to comment.

Grayson was born as a biological girl, the second child of three. He was raised as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and continues to be active in the Church to this day. He says that his whole life he “felt more like a guy than a girl” but it took him until he was 17 to transition. He’s been living as a man--what he calls his “eternal gender”--for almost three years.

On the outside, Grayson seems like your average Utahan young adult male--he’s studying math at the University of Utah, works part-time at a call center, and has a steady girlfriend. But his journey to becoming “Grayson” was anything but average.

“As a kid I had never really heard of the concept of being transgender, so it was difficult to acknowledge those feelings when I didn't have words to describe them,” Grayson says. As he grew older, he began cultivating a more masculine appearance and didn’t correct people when they called him “young man” or “sir.” But it was his mom who actually introduced him to the concept of being transgender. He began having crushes on girls in high school, and when he finally told his mom about it, she told him that there was a whole community of people who feel that their gender and their body don’t match, and asked him if that was how he felt. “It was a huge relief to have words for the things I'd been experiencing, and to know that there were other people out there like me,” he says.

The entire concept of transgenderism has existed in multiple cultures throughout recorded history, but it’s still so little understood that there’s not much public conversation about it, especially in Western culture. Today, transgenderism is often a “closeted” condition, and Grayson considers himself lucky to have such a strong support system, especially among his family. “They've been there for me every step of the way,” Grayson says. “I don't know if I could have done this without them.”

Just to give our readers a little context, here’s a little “Transgender 101.” Transgenderism, or “gender identity disorder,” or “gender dysphoria,” is the feeling that one’s body doesn’t match one’s gender. It’s not to be confused with being homosexual, or being a “drag queen” or dressing like a man or woman just for certain societal privileges. The condition is considered a clinical disorder by the psychological and medical community (which also means that many insurance companies will cover hormones and/or sex change surgeries). Grayson explained it in an apt analogy:

"Have you ever gotten carsick? Carsickness, like many other forms of motion sickness, occurs when your inner ears and your eyes disagree about whether you're moving. Gender dysphoria is like that. Awful, nauseating, headache-inducing wrongness from the disagreement of your mind and body. And you feel it every time you wear the wrong clothes, or are called by the wrong pronoun, or hear your own voice, or someone looks at you and sees something you aren't; every time you look in the mirror, every time you think about yourself it's like a knife in the gut because it's wrong wrong wrong it's not you but it won't go away and it won't stop and it hurts, it hurts like nothing you can imagine and nothing I can describe. It's so bad that I would literally rather die than feel like that again, even for a day."

It’s true that gender dysphoria is closely associated with depression and anxiety, and in many cases, even suicide. Years ago a friend and I were discussing the concept of gender dysphoria, and because it’s something I’ve never experienced, I told her that I simply couldn’t imagine what it’s like. I’ve always known I was a woman. With great wisdom, this friend said she couldn’t imagine it either until one day she thought, “Imagine the shame and confusion and pain you would feel if you woke up one day and had a penis.” It sounds so outlandish, but it helped me gain a little perspective. It would be almost impossible to explain that experience to others, especially if I had no words for it. For me personally, I know I’m a woman, but that knowledge doesn’t come from what my body looks like. Think about it--most of us didn’t realize we were a boy or a girl (or both or neither) because we were told we were. It was something we always knew. As Grayson himself says, “Our sense of gender is something that most people take for granted, but it's very deeply written into the mind.”

(For a short but brilliant and more detailed explanation of gender, biological sex, and orientation, check out this video from vlogbrother Hank Green.)

Gender dysphoria affects a little under 1% of the population, and research indicates that the disorder is mostly genetic. There are some rare cases in which abuse and trauma can result in a gender identity disorder, but for the most part, it’s a purely biological condition. (Some studies have even indicated that transpeople have the brain structures of the gender they identify with, rather than their biological sex.) Currently, transition (or making changes to align your body and your gender identity) is the best and most effective cure, whether that means social transition, legal transition, or medical transition.

Grayson is fully transitioned socially, and has had his name legally changed. His legal gender change is still in the works. He’s been taking testosterone hormones for several years, and has had top surgery to remove his breasts. As for bottom surgery? At this point, female-to-male genital reassignment is pretty expensive, and not terribly effective, so many tend to skip it, Grayson included. I was hesitant to ask about those details, but Grayson said he was willing to answer surgical questions in order to educate people. However, he did remind me that “Most people would rather not discuss the contents of their pants with strangers, so it's not usually polite to ask about that sort of thing.”

As a member of a small and often misunderstood community, Grayson is unique. But here’s what makes him even more unique: his continued membership in the LDS church. Wait, you may be thinking. He’s MORMON? As in, that church that takes a ridiculously strong stance on gay marriage and gender and families? That’s the one. It’s true that the LDS Church doesn’t have the greatest reputation in LGBT communities, and those who don’t fit the “cookie cutter conservative” image of Mormonism can sometimes struggle to find a place. But things are slowly improving. The Church is beginning to create a larger space for dialogue and inclusion, especially with the recent creation of the website mormonsandgays.com. It’s clear in its teaching that homosexual activity is a sin, but homosexual feelings are not--gay and lesbian members can participate fully in the gospel. But what about the concept of gender?

“The Proclamation to the World talks about how gender is an eternal characteristic of identity and purpose, and I certainly believe that,” Grayson says. “I know that my spirit was male in the preexistence, and is male now, and that in the resurrection I will have a male body to match my spirit. There are all kinds of problems and deformities in people's mortal bodies, and sex determination is no exception.” When Grayson and his mom had that conversation about transgenderism all those years ago, Grayson did what he’d always been taught to do: he prayed about it. “I had one of the most vivid and profound spiritual experiences of my life; the Lord told me ‘You're a boy, and it's going to be okay.’” Scripture study and prayer (and other “Sunday school answers”) have also been big parts of Grayson’s continued testimony. So has transitioning, he says. “I used to kinda take the church for granted. Having the risk that it could all be taken away from me made me realize how much the gospel means to me.”

Having it all taken away? “Life as an active Mormon LGBTQ person involves what some of us call ‘Bishop Roulette,’ which is that every time you have to move to a new ward you can never be sure how accepting your new leadership is going to be,” Grayson explains. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is run entirely by “lay-leadership”--everything is done on a volunteer basis, with no formal training. Which also means that some leaders are better equipped to deal with LGBTQ issues than others. “There's a lot of variation between wards in how LGBTQ members are treated, and if you end up with a homophobic and/or transphobic bishop you can have a lot of problems,” Grayson explains. “I've gotten lucky so far, but if I ended up in a ward with a transphobic bishop I could lose my temple recommend, or maybe even be excommunicated, and there would be very little I could do about it.”

So, how does Grayson’s relationship with his girlfriend factor in? The Church’s stance on homosexual activity is clear no matter who your bishop is. But one thing Grayson and his girlfriend have in common is being transgender--Brianna was born as a male but has transitioned to being female. “It is kind of convenient as it pertains to the church that we're both trans, because our relationship is heterosexual either way you look at it, so there's no risk of leaders having a problem with it,” Grayson says. I can’t help but smile at this, since Grayson and Brianna seem to be a great couple. They met in a choir over a year ago, and have been together ever since.

Brianna says that the first thing she noticed about Grayson was his voice. “There are lots of cute boys in the world, but few that can sing like him,” she says. She also says she admires his sense of integrity. “He doesn’t let opposition stop him from doing what he loves,” she says, “And he doesn’t let a church’s less than favorable stance on transgender people keep him from attending. That’s really powerful to me.”

As for what drew Grayson to Brianna? “She's a really good person,” he says, “And we're very compatible personality-wise. And we share a lot of the same interests, and she's a music major, and she's beautiful and tall and she doesn't think I'm a complete derp and she likes my cooking so basically we're soulmates.” (Cue grinning at how fantastic that answer was.) While Grayson says his girlfriend is a really good person, it’s clear that this is one thing that she and Grayson have in common. He is outspoken and passionate about educating others. He says the most important thing the rest of the world can do to help the transgender community is to “just be compassionate and listen to us.”

It strikes me as an act of tremendous courage to come out as transgender, especially within the Church. But Grayson wisely observed that coming out is about more than just courage. “Sometimes people talk about how ‘brave’ it is to transition, but it's not about bravery, really. I didn't transition because I was brave, I transitioned because spending my life pretending to be someone I'm not was killing me, and I don't want to die.”

Today, Grayson has chosen to speak out on behalf of the transgender community, and hopes that others can find the peace he has by transitioning. As for those who may be still in the closet, Grayson encourages them to be honest with those around them, and to transition as quickly and safely as possible. “Gender dysphoria often results in feelings of anxiety, depression, and self-loathing which are extremely corrosive to the soul. Gender dysphoria kills, and you dang well deserve to live.”

And this is the truth that Grayson is sharing with everyone around him. That we all, regardless of gender, sex, or orientation, dang well deserve to live.








If you or someone you know is experiencing gender dysphoria and would like support or more information, call the GLBT National Hotline at 1-888-843-4564. All calls are free and confidential. You can also visit their website here.

Latter-day Saints wishing to receive guidance and support on the transgender experience are also encouraged to join the open Facebook group Mormons Building Bridges. Allies and family members may also find helpful resources there as well.

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The Pursuit of Self

The Goat Cure

The comedic potential of goats is almost never-ending. So here are a few videos of goats, just in case you're having a bad day or something. Any one of these will cure whatever ails you.

Beatboxing Goat.



(second 12 is my favorite)

Goat does worst goat impression ever.

A goat that's been raised by chickens makes this noise. 

This baby goat is just happy to be alive.



(Much to the chagrin of her baby goat friends.)

Fainting goats.





This baby goat is learning how to jump, and it's adorable.

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The Goat Cure

Provident Living 101: How to Survive a Zombie Attack During Your English Class at BYU-I

Today, my English students' first essay was due, so to celebrate, we spent half of class just having fun. And by "having fun," I mean coming up with a plan of what to do if zombies attacked the Smith building while we were in class.

To specify, these are Romero zombies--slow and lumbering, destroyed by inflicting damage to the brain, infecting others through bite. In our hypothetical situation, roughly 300 of them are surrounding the Smith building, but they haven't breached it quite yet.

And let me tell you, if ever there's a zombie apocalypse in Rexburg, I'm sticking with my English students. They had some good ideas. Case in point:

The Honey Trap
Send the girls out, "Warm Bodies" style, to distract/seduce/cure the zombies. Either they'll entrap them for the men to kill, or they'll cure them with their virtuous smiles.

The ROTC Plan
Create weapons and fight our way through to a car, then drive to the National Guard Armory, where one student, who's in the army, can get us outfitted with vehicles, weaponry, etc. Then we battle.

The Brain Freeze
There are several ways we can use the cold of Rexburg to our advantage. One is to wait for nightfall, when the subzero temperatures will slow the zombies down even further, making them easier to target and kill. The other is to spread water around the building, wait for it to freeze, and wait for all the zombies to slip and dash their own brains out.

The Trojan Horse
Find and destroy one weak zombie (maybe two), then dismember it and cover ourselves in its entrails to mask our own smell. Practice our zombie walks and groans. Make our way to safety, lumbering among the zombies as if we're one of them.

The Trojan Teacher
A variation of the Trojan Horse plan is to use ME and my acting skills. One of the students suggested that my experience in theatre could be used to our advantage. I dress up like a zombie, go outside and tell the other zombies that I already ate everyone in the building and to just move on. I keep up the charade while the students escape, then they come back to rescue me.

Another Great Day at BYU-Idaho
Fight our way through the zombies, get to our cars, and drive to President Clark's house, where we can eat their food storage and safely wait behind bullet-proof glass for the zombie plague to be over.

Degree in Engineering
If we can get to the Austin Building, we've got it made. That's where all the engineering stuff is, including chemicals, which can be mixed to either create a cure or a weapon. We can also gain access to explosives, and if we can lure all the zombies into one building, we can blow them up.

Do You Hear the People Sing
We create a barricade with desks, chairs, and anything else we can find. We sing show tunes as we fight off the zombies using blunt weapons and broken fluorescent light bulbs. We use desks and cupboard doors as riot shields if we need to push through the zombies at any point.

The Running in Place Plan
Find a way to get to the Hart building. Then move all the treadmills to the entrances and exits, set on high speeds. If any zombies try to get in, they'll step onto the treadmills and fall, dashing their own brains out.

The Crusher
We use cables, clothing, ropes, wires and anything else we can find to connect several desks and tables together. Then we lower the contraption over the stairwell, using it as a zombie-crusher as they try to get up the stairs.

Death by Pop Music
Everyone gets out their iPods, computers, etc. We simultaneously play "Friday" by Rebecca Black out the windows, and the zombies either combust or commit Hari-Kiri.


Seriously. I think I'm going to put together a pamphlet or something. 

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Provident Living 101: How to Survive a Zombie Attack During Your English Class at BYU-I

It's evolution, baby

So I've got this great post forthcoming about my sister's ability to make CRAZY faces in photos, but it's taking a while to put together. So in the meantime, enjoy this series of alarming pictures that highlight the earth's flora, fauna, and phenomena. You may alternate between horror and amazement over the next few seconds.

First of all, doesn't this look like a water dragon?

Well, it's not a water dragon. It's an octopus consuming a seagull.

 And speaking of ocean life, this is what shark scales look like under a microscope:

I think they look like space ships. Made by aliens. Who also make underwater crop circles! J/K, these are made by a Japanese puffer fish:

And speaking of fish, check out the Sarcastic Fringehead!

RAWR! Apparently, these guys are very territorial. (And they also have one of the coolest names ever.)

AND speaking of "territorial," cat got your tongue, or is it Cymothoa exigua? These parasites destroy the tongues of fish and replace them with...well, themselves. 

Doesn't he look smug? Also note the terrifyingly human-like teeth the fish possesses. But he's not the only one. Meet the pacu fish!

But I guess teeth are still kinda scary in humans too. Like when you examine a child's skull before they lose their baby teeth:

But the human body is not all scary! See, look at this high definition super close up of a human eye:

Cool, huh? Oh, and hey, here's what your nervous system looks like:

So after doing this post, I'm realizing that 6 out of the 9 pictures are from the ocean. Apparently, the ocean is freaking awesome. And terrifying. And awesome.

And I tell you what, if there were more fish with names like "sarcastic fringehead," I might MOVE to the ocean.

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It's evolution, baby

Turn off Jersey Shore and watch this instead

As regular readers of my blog know, I'm addicted to documentaries. (I'm addicted to learning in general, actually. Man, what a buzz that gives me.) The website Top Documentary Films is one of my very favorite corners of the internet. Anyway, a while back, I recommended a handful of documentaries that I've enjoyed. And now, here are some more.

The History of Chocolate
Not terribly thrilling, but a short and enjoyable special about chocolate, with emphasis of its journey from bitter to sweet and American chocolatiers.

Cleopatra: Portrait of a Killer
Oh, how I love melodramatic titles and cheesy reenactments. This is a pretty cool special that actually focuses more on an archeological find of what might be Cleopatra's SISTER, and how this discovery is filling in some holes in a history that's been almost completely swallowed in myth. Lots of family/political intrigue, and come on, how cool is forensic archeology?

Stealing Lincoln's Body
Did you know that 11 years after Lincoln's assassination, a band of Chicago counterfeiters hatched a plot to steal the President’s body from its tomb outside Springfield, Illinois, and hold it for a ransom of $200,000? And that they kind of almost succeeded? They should put THIS stuff in the history books, man.

Ancient Apocalypse: The Minoans
These were hecka cool people, the Minoans. For a while, archeologists believed that the Minoan civilization was the catalyst for the myth of Atlantis. And while it was too bad that their entire civilization got wiped out by a volcano, the ash conveniently preserved a lot.

The Story of India
India is awesome. This documentary proves it. Six awesome freaking hours of India. 


The Mystery of the Romanovs
Remember that awesome animated movie of "Anastasia"? It's totally awesome. But this is a case where the truth is even stranger than fiction. The myth of Anastasia didn't arise from a story about a kitchen boy helping her through a hole in the wall. It arose because after she and her sister were shot at point-blank range in the cellar of the building they were being imprisoned in, she and her sister sat up and started screaming. And Rasputin didn't have anything to do with why. But I'm not telling you why. Go watch it.

Oh I love documentaries. There's also this great series on TopDocumentaryFilms.com called Ancients Behaving Badly, which I want to watch just because the name is hilarious. I'll let you know what I think.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to finish watching Cracking the Color Code, all about the scientific, anthropological and emotional explanations and history of how we perceive color. 

image via

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Turn off Jersey Shore and watch this instead

SCI 207 Homework

(UPDATE: Yeah, I totally turned this in. And got full credit. In fact, the teacher liked it so much that when he handed the assignments back, he had me read it out loud to the class. Ha ha!)

The Assignment:

Observe the rock in the Geology hallway display case. Record your observations, then come up with the rock's history based on your observations.

The Rock:

The Rock's History, according to me:

Once upon a time there was a very large and often hungry monster named Lithovore Jones. Lithovore Jones was what modern bloggers would now call a “foodie.” He loved eating more than he loved sunning his tail on rocks or singing hopscotch songs, and all monsters love these things a lot. His favorite foods were plants and seafood. The only problem was that Lithovore Jones always ate too fast.

After going out to dinner with other monsters one night, Lithovore Jones grimaced and said, “I love eating, but I always get a stomach ache afterwards!”

“Maybe if you didn’t eat so fast, Lithovore Jones,” his friends kindly hinted.

Lithovore Jones sighed. “But I just love food so much! I can’t get enough of it. Tonight’s clam-bake was delicious.”

His monster friends agreed. “The barnacle appetizers are superb at this restaurant,” one said. “Oh, and the oysters! Divine!” said another. “I’m a fan of the Unidentifiable Material Horseshoe Dessert myself,” said another. Everyone nodded their heads in agreement.

Lithovore Jones’ stomach gurgled, and he sighed again. “If only there was something I could do to aid digestion!”

Suddenly, another monster stepped out of the alley. She had a long mane of matted orange hair, and it was filled with shells and beads and bits of bone. She was carrying a small leather pouch.

“Pssst,” she said. “Hey Lithovore.”

“Me?” said Lithovore Jones.

“Yeah you, sonny. I’ve got something here to cure your ills!” The strange monster held out the leather pouch, and Lithovore Jones peered inside.

“It’s nothing but sand and pebbles!” he said.

“Eat it, and your gastrological ailments will be cured!”

The other monsters looked skeptical, but Lithovore Jones instinctively trusted the monster-witch, and he took the pouch and gulped down its contents. Readers may judge this move overhasty, but they must realize that Lithovore Jones’ stomach really hurt.

For a moment after swallowing the sand and pebbles, nothing happened. Then suddenly, Lithovore Jones felt his stomach lurching and churning. The clams and barnacles and the Unidentifiable Material Horseshoe Dessert were all being tossed around in his stomach like clothes in a dryer. Lithovore Jones felt slightly alarmed.

“Is this supposed to happen?” he asked the strange monster.

She laughed and said, “Yes! Yes! One moment more and the process will be complete!”

Lithovore Jones felt his stomach slowing down, down, down…until finally it stopped. Lithovore Jones belched once and a small stone fell from his mouth.

All the other monsters examined the stone with slightly disgusted fascination. The sand had mixed with Lithovore Jones’ stomach acids to create a sort of cement. And in the cement were all the clams and barnacles and the Unidentifiable Material Horseshoe Dessert. The pebbles churning around with the lump of digested shells had smoothed its edges, leaving it free of jagged edges.

For having just been belched forth from the innards of a large monster, it was a thing of beauty.

When the other monsters finally looked up from the stone, the strange monster-witch was gone. The monsters debated among themselves about what should be done with the shell-filled rock for a few minutes. Finally, Lithovore Jones picked up the stone and put it in his pocket.

“I know exactly what I’ll do with this,” he said, and walked away, thinking fondly of his dear friend Brother Tonks, who would be sure to find a use for the stone in his science courses at BYU-Idaho.

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SCI 207 Homework

Human Seismography

Neither Jacob nor I slept well last night. Jacob's getting over a cold, so that makes sense, but I'm normally a heavy enough sleeper that his tossing and turning doesn't affect me too much. But around 4:30 this morning, he gave up and got out of bed, and I lay in bed and continued to toss and turn myself. When I got to my first class (10:15), one of my classmates laid her head on her desk and bemoaned her inability to sleep the previous night. I told her I had had the same problem! More and more classmates piped up with similar stories...one girl explaining that her whole apartment was awake at around 6 because they just couldn't sleep. People who usually sleep soundly tossed and turned. Granted, it wasn't everyone, but I've been asking people all day (in person and via facebook), and for every 1 person who reported sleeping well, there were at least 3 who reported the opposite. Folks from Yellowstone to Rexburg just couldn't catch any shut-eye.

Being a scientist (at heart), I have formulated the following hypotheses:

Possibility One: The leftover excitement from the Superbowl created a cosmic wave of energy that caused excessive alertness (unlikely).

Possibility Two: The barometric pressure changes in Rexburg affected everyone's ability to sleep (pretty likely -- we all left our homes this morning to find a bizarre snow/sleet/ice/mist thing going on).

Possibility Three: We were all attuned to slight seismic variations and/or changes in earth's electromagnetic field and there's going to be an earthquake in the next few days (awesome)!!!

Maybe it's my "Natural Disasters" class this semester that's causing me to look to geology for explanations. A friend in West Yellowstone reported that there was a small quake south of the park yesterday, but I'm having trouble finding information on it. (I'll keep you posted.)

The point is this. When Rexburg gets hit by an earthquake in the next few days, you all remember that I called it.

(Please bless that it's smaller than about a 4 magnitude. We can handle that, and the Yellowstone area could use the "release.")

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Human Seismography

Anyone here speak GSL?

WARNING: Probably not a good idea to read late at night, if you're like Liz and get easily freaked out when you're tired.

I just finished watching an hour-long documentary on Koko, that famous, signing, cat-loving gorilla (ps Netflix Instant Viewing has changed my life, and also perpetuated my insomnia). I was fairly familiar with the story already, but I learned a few things more, and now my mind is in such a state of surreal amazement that I'm almost frightened, and decided to write about it in an effort to ease my mind, share my thoughts, etc.

Most of us have heard that thing about gorillas sharing somewhere in the vicinity of 98% of their DNA with humans. However, I've also heard that humans share about 16% of their DNA with LETTUCE. So the whole DNA sharing thing doesn't particularly impress me. And even if only 2% of our DNA is different, that 2% makes for an entirely different (and very distant) species. I've always been facinated by gorillas and chimpanzees (and elephants, but that's unrelated), because of their intelligence and complex social lives, etc. etc. But until they showed me a gorilla that could compose "Hamlet," I would continue to argue that they are not so close to humans as everyone makes them out to be. Now after watching this program, I find that perhaps I have to redefine things.

Some quick doctrinal background: I will always believe and understand man to be God's crowning creation. I believe that all living and natural things are God's creations, but that humans are His actual spirit CHILDREN. That knowledge hasn't changed.

Some quick animal intelligence background: Anyone who has ever had a dog knows that many animals are sentient, emotional beings, capable of understanding, love, and even occasionally reasoning. But the line between man and animal in regards to their abilities of communication, emotional memory, and was always a wide, solid, and black one. THAT knowledge is slightly shattered, or at least dented enough to severely shake me up.

I'd forgotten how astounding it is to see Koko and the other gorillas' knowledge of sign language and their ability to communicate. For example, when the care-takers at the gorilla foundation were looking for a prospective mate for Koko, they literally held "video auditions." They showed Koko a video tape with footage of several "bachelor gorillas" around the country, and asked her what she thought of each. For some she signed things like "nice Koko-love visit" and for others, things like "bad gorilla animal no away." But when it got to the footage of a gorilla named "Endume," she signed "good heart throb Koko-love visit hurry that." I don't know about you, but I don't really see how something like that can be automatic training.

I guess there's that possibility. But it's so ridiculous to me that it seems a conspiracy theory...that the videos of Koko and Michael (another gorilla who was taught sign language at the Foundation) were faked...that they were simply trained for attention. But that really doesn't seem likely.

The most powerful story I learned of was this. Michael, a male gorilla, was brought to the foundation as a baby. He was orphaned as an infant, and he was brought to a shelter by strangers, so nothing was known about his family or how he came to be an orphan. One day, one of the trainers signed to Michael "Your mother?" And Michael signed the following:

"squash meat gorilla mouth tooth cry sharp-noise loud bad think-trouble look-face cut neck girl hole."

The trainers were disturbed to realize the possibility that Michael's mother was killed by poachers, and that he witnessed her death. The trainers know Michael to be introverted and sensitive, and "a man of few words." They said that when he does talk, it's simple, and to the point. That's pretty incredible.

While the gorillas' sign language is far from the complexity of human speech, it should be noted that American Sign Language isn't grammatical either. It's conceptual. The documentary also talked about how Koko especially will occasionally make up signs if she finds the real one too complex, or if they don't know what she's asking about. They cited the examples of "eye-hat" for "mask," "finger-bracelet" for "ring," and "scratch-comb" for "brush."

I simply cannot bring myself to believe that any of that was faked, but I find it even more difficult to wrap my mind around this idea that these animals can be so staggeringly intelligent. It's so surreal to me...I kind of feel like the rug was yanked a little under me. Not completely removed from under me, but adjusted enough to give me this jarring feeling of realizing that perhaps the way I'd thought of something my entire life was false.

I have the horrible feeling that I'm not articulating what's on my mind at ALL, and that this entry is just...me recounting the most astounding things about this documentary I watched, without making any particularly interesting observations about it.

I guess what's on my mind is this. There are certain things I KNOW. The Church is true. God exists. We are His children. Lightbulbs have to be replaced eventually. Buying organic is more expensive. English verbs are gender-neutral. The list goes on. But this interesting, though perhaps trivial, documentary I watched tonight has served as the catalyst of my realization that maybe some of the things I thought I knew are actually completely different. Which of course, makes it tempting to follow the logic of "If I was wrong about THAT, what else am I wrong about?!" I think that's the thing that's jarring me. I feel solid in my religious faith, but...what if other things are totally different? What if...I don't know...what if the tide is caused by something other than the moon? What if volcanoes go all the way to the center of the earth? What if everyone sees colors completely differently, and what I call "blue" you see as what I call "yellow"? I feel so...un-anchored thinking about these kinds of things...

GAH. This kind of thinking at 2 a.m. will just make you slightly paranoid. I'd better read scriptures or something--grab ahold of something solid and sure--and try to get my brain to slow down enough to sleep.

That's actually probably the root of my problem. The fact that it's 2 a.m.

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Anyone here speak GSL?