Saturday, June 24, 2006

The secret of success is to go through life as someone who never gets used up.

Warning: Ranty blog commencing now.
This all is probably somewhat exaggerated, and I'm probably just grumpy, but it's been a frustrating night. I have this stupid suspicion that people do not or will not trust me with things that they all feel I lack the ability to do. Maybe they're assuming that I don't want to or can't, but I'm sitting here writing this e-mail, because of the four or five jobs I've been offered or volunteered to do, every single one of them has been taken by someone who is no more able than I. It's just been stupid like that all day. "Hey Liz, don't worry about pre-show tonight, Rachel's doing it." I LOVE doing pre-show now. "Hey will you be the Plaid girl tonight? Oh nevermind, Andrea's doing it. No, actually she can't because she's doing attic tech. Melissa will do it." Considering the fact that I spend "Plaid" sitting around and I have friends in the audience tonight, I would have loved that one line. Would you like me to do attic tech tonight? "No, Catherine learned all of it so you actually don't have to worry about it anymore." It was MY idea to learn that stuff in the first place so that Andrea could watch her husband. "Here, I'll count the money, Liz. I have to count it all anyway, so it doesn't really need to be sorted first." Not that I can't be trusted to help bundle the ridiculous amount of one's into twenty-five dollar bundles.
I AM PERFECTLY CAPABLE, IF NOT GOOD AT ALL OF THE THINGS THAT I WAS ASKED TO DO OR TRIED TO DO. And yet here I am, in Roger's office, nearly in tears at the fact that I do not feel at all like I'm meeting my full potential. If anyone has ever had a job where they felt they didn't have the opportunity to use all of their needed abilities, I know how you feel. I came here to the Playmill because I feel like I have so much to offer! Not only in performing, but I can do so much more that would be of value! I am experienced and in many cases talented in tech, cashiering, etc. etc. etc.! Grumble grumble grouse grouse!

Um, while I was writing all this, Christian came in and said hello, and apologized for kicking me out of the money, saying he felt bad, then came and gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. And also on the bright side, I'm not sick or in the hospital anymore. I'm surrounded by wonderful people I love and who love me, even if they don't realize that the Liz they love is a Liz who is still half in the shadows.


Beckah said...

Wow. I had to read that last sentence over and over because it was so poetic. Hey, if ever you're down, think of me and how highly I regard you. And this trip with Steven and I is looking very very possible. So hopefully we'll see you in a few weeks. I should call to talk to you about it. But yeah, I love you a lot, and hope that everything works out for you!

Ella said...

I have to tell you something I thought was funny. I was telling my Mom something about my roommates and she asked if it was the one who walked around in her underwear. It wasn't about you, I can't really recall what the story was, but I thought how she tries to remember everyone was funny. I love and miss you. I hope you are haveing fun! P.S. Have you heard anyhting from Jason lately. I need to write that kid again!