Monday, October 24, 2005

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result." -Einstein

Mom, for some reason this humorous sign made me think of you. It just struck me as being your kind of humor.
This is what my life feels like right now. Not sure why. That's the problem. If I could identify exactly what that crazy rotate-y thing is I might be able to untangle myself from it.
I think I'm sort of...non-alcoholically hungover from the weekend. It's like I OD'd on happiness or laughter or craziness or something, and now I'm all whacked out from it. I keep feeling tonight like there's something I'm supposed to be doing right now and I'm not sure what it is. I gotta relax. I already did everything I wanted to today, and anything else I should have done...well, it's too late now.
Jen's birthday weekend was wonderful. Our fort in the living room was amazing. We left it up for another day, it was so amazing. That, and Jenny and my mattresses were in it and we were too lazy to move them back and didn't have anywhere else to sleep. Yesterday evening was just this amazing day of joy. Our FHE brothers came over, Alexis visited, Jason came over, AND we talked to Casey on the phone for a long time and that was so great! I miss that kid indescribably. There was also some dang good food involved.
However, this weekend, something else was also started. Our FHE brothers came by and visited us on Saturday night, but first they freaked us out by throwing pebbles into our kitchen. We talked for awhile, and then later that night, we heard someone knock on our door and then run away. When we opened the door, we found our rotting jack-o-lantern on our doorstep, stuck all over with kitchen utensils! There was a spatula sticking out here, a potato peeler was great. So tonight we got them back. Anne and I waited until all the boys were at FHE, then we snuck over to their house and broke in. They're also in the middle of a prank war with their old FHE sisters, so they always lock their door. But that also means that they won't know for sure if it was us. And it was really easy to get in without causing any damage. Anyway, we got in and rearranged all their furniture. When we left, there was a kitchen table in the bathroom, a couch in the hallway, another couch in the kitchen, a chair on the fridge, and everything else was just moved to a different part of the room. We done good. =) We'll see what happens next.
Final thing of this blog. It's causing me a great deal of anxiety. This weekend was going to be spent in preparation for Halloween and Spook Alley and all that jazz. However, it's also Sarah Jagger's birthday and she wanted to take a select few friends and go on a weekend roadtrip to Spokane, WA. So I'm already forgoing one obligation to do that. But I found something out tonight that really tempts me to forgo ALL, for the next year or so.
"25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee" is going on tour. They're holding auditions for the company in San Fransisco this weekend. And Ben and Christian are going.
I WANT TO GO SO BAD! At the same time, the idea frightens me out of my mind. I've NEVER done an audition that big before, and all of a sudden, I'm not even 1/8th of the performer I thought I was. Everything I've ever learned about performing and myself as a performer has just gone right out the window, and I'm a freshman in high school again, scared stiff to audition for the high school play. Hmm...maybe I could use that.
But I don't know, it's just so much more complicated. If I were to go down with them this weekend, it would mean I would have to do the following:
1) Get new headshots taken (my "current" ones are almost 2 years old)
2) Update and print copies of my resume
3) Find out more details about the audition
4) Prepare a monologue
5) Prepare a song
6) Make sure I have transportation
7) Make sure I have a place to stay while there
8) Budget to make sure I can actually afford this trip
9) Get makeup work from my classes
10) Forgo all other obligations I had this weekend, including the birthday wishes of a dear friend
11) On the miniscule chance that I am somehow miraculously cast, be willing to move to Chicago for a year or so and therefore erasing or postponing any other plans I had
And I would have to do all of that by...Friday. Not to mention the fact that I would have to emotionally prepare myself to spend an entire weekend with someone I'm sort of angry and bitter with right now.
But I would have the opportunity to do an audition I would learn SO MUCH from, and there's a chance that I could spend a year making money as a PERFORMER, doing a beautiful show that I love! College is too expensive anyway, and what better dream job than to act?
I highly doubt I will go. But I really want to. I wish Ben and Christian luck. I really think Christian could do it...he's one of the most talented actors I know, and he would be PERFECT as William Barfee. I don't know about Ben; I might cast him as the vice-principal. I don't know. This thing's just so big to me. Geez, the whole acting business just got so real and terrifying to me with this possibility alone.
I think I need to go to bed.
I need to read my scriptures and then go to bed.
I need to eat some ice-cream, read my scriptures, and THEN go to bed.
Holy heck, I want to audition.

1 comment:

isha said...

you do whatever feels right...