Saturday, January 22, 2005

The key to being funny is to make fun of yourself, always vote democratic and wear women's deodorant

For today's blog, I would like to share with you a little story. It was composed in the Portland airport during a 3-hour-layover during christmas break, by two lovely young women I like to call Liz and Rebekah Whittaker. Be prepared to enter a world of magic, intrigue, and weirdness and you follow the journey of "The Blind Brick Carport"! It's a timeless tale that will entertain children and adults for years to come, and it goes a little something like this:

Once upon a time, there was a brick carport. It was a very sad brick carport because it didn't have any eyes and it couldn't see anything. So it decided to go on a journey to find some eyes. But there was only one problem. It was cemented into the ground. So it couldn't go anywhere. So instead, he decided he must bring some eyes to him. He called his friend Monseiur Sofa, who had eyes, to find some eyes for him. But that was also a problem. Monseiur Sofa was also cemented to the ground. They needed someone with legs and eyes. So they beckoned Stephano, the Italian brainwasher, to brainswash them into thinking they had eyes. Unbeknownst to them, Stephano was also the notorious pirate captain, Peg-Leg Jagger-Pete, and was planning to brainwash them into giving him all their money. Stephano (actually Peg-Leg Jagger-Pete) was about to brainwash them when out of nowheres came that famed defender of truth and protector of eyeless carports cemented into the ground, Captain Pancreas! He shot insulin at Peg-Leg Jagger-Pete and broke his brainwashing powers! "Gblahgxgh!" cried the carport. "I can see!" Sure enough, insulin got on the carport and revived his sight. For you see, he wasn't really a carport at all! He was the infamous Peg-Leg Jagger-Pete's first mate, Blind-man Jink! Peg-Leg Jagger-Pete couldn't believe his eyes! Oh, what a joyful reunion that was! "Wait!" cried Monseiur Sofa, "I was sure you were my secret lover, Maria, who got untimely changed into a brick carport. This is too much for me," and he promptly exploded and killed everyone within a 3-mile radius.

The End

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