"U.S.S.R.--Unfortunately Some Shouldn't Replenish"

I have come to the conclusion that I am addicted to the theatre. It's been 3 days --count 'em-- one two three days since my performance of "Once On This Island" and I can already feel myself getting those crazy post-production blues again. It's like, when I'm not in a show or doing something theatrical, it seems as if there's this part of my life that's all, like, void of meaning and stuff. In high school and C.P.T.A. it was different because as soon as a show was over I knew there was going to be another one in a couple of weeks and I knew I was going to be in it. (That sounds disgustingly prideful, but in high school, you just work your way up there as a senior and C.P.T.A. was so small that at times the whole troupe auditioned and we were still short the cast members needed.) I guess I'm feeling it a lot now because I know the next show won't be for another month, and I have NO idea whether or not I'll even be involved in it at all. That's one downside to being a freshman at BYU-Idaho, where there are lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of talented people. On the other hand, we have different fingers. There's also this point: At a school like this one, there's always something theatrical going on. Scenework, theatre council, improv, etc. etc.
Speaking of which, I'm having a huge dilemma. As soon as I saw the first "Comic Frenzy" show of the year, I thought to myself "That's gonna be you up there some day. That's your goal. By the time you graduate, you will have been in BYU-Idaho's improv team, the one and only 'Comic Frenzy.' " As I get to know these improv kids, however, and as I watch the shows and see them work, I can't figure out if I'm any less intimidated. They hold auditions at the beginning of every semester for new members, and I auditioned in September, but obviously wasn't one of the 2 people to get in. The problem is this. I want to audition for the sake of auditioning and to make sure to get myself out there and be seen and everything, but I'm afraid I'll get in! The idea of actually being in "Comic Frenzy" scares me more than the auditions do. Maybe it's a committment thing and I'm afraid I'll get too stressed and busy, or maybe it's the fear that no one else will get my sense of humor, because apparently it's really bizarre and there are few people in the world who seem to laugh at the same things I do. I plan on auditioning on this condition...that Jen, Lex, and Jenny come to every single show and laugh loud and hard, because they share my humor.
There is one thing and one thing only I would like to say. (Oscar-winning moment, Liz!) Theatre is simply an irremovable part of me. (start underlying dramatic music here) It is what makes up the core of my very being...it courses through my veins like an irreplaceable life-force...I could no more remove theatre from who I am than I could remove a limb from my very body...without theatre I am incomplete...theatre fulfills me, makes me whole as a healing elixir resores meaning, life, and energy. It is the blood in my veins, the marrow in my bones, the saliva in my mouth, the earwax in my ears. The voids in my life and the pages of my day-planner are filled with the agonies and ecstacies of the stage. TAKE AWAY THEATRE AND TAKE AWAY LIFE! IT IS IN ME...FILLING EVERY PARTICLE OF MY BODY AND SOUL! I AM THEATAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Where's my cape?)

I'd like to thank Brant for the closing line of my monologue, JD for the seeminly unfitting title of this blog, and no one for the underlying dramatic music, because Jeff wasn't here and because it doesn't really exist on the written page anyway.

Disclaimer: I like theatre a lot. Actually I love it. And I would be very unhappy without it in my life. But just to keep myself from getting struck by lightning ("thou shalt have no other gods before me"), it's a little farther down the list of priorities than all that. The Gospel, the Atonement, my family, my friends, and the words of the prophets come a little bit before theatre on the list.

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"U.S.S.R.--Unfortunately Some Shouldn't Replenish"