Monday, November 16, 2009

What say what?

I am going to rant a little bit in this blog. Nothing big. More like...if there was a verb that meant "to express exasperation," that's what I would use to describe this blog.

It drives me crazy when people say, "So are you guys gonna get married?"

Here's what I always say in my mind:
"First of all, I don't really know if that's the kind of thing you should be asking. I know I'm a bit of a Bohemian, but it's just poor etiquette. Second of all, if we knew we were gonna get married, we'd be engaged. And if we knew we weren't going to get married, we'd break up. But since we're still dating, the answer is I DON'T KNOW, and all of this strikes me as fairly obvious. Our relationship is on its own timetable, one that's only between me, him, and God. How about you guys wait for us to tell you if and when we're getting married, of our own accord."

Here's what I usually reply in actuality:

If it's someone I'm close to, I'll sometimes explain the whole timetable/engaged vs. breaking up thing. I know that people don't mean any harm, and aren't going out of their way to be obnoxious or something. But a lot of the time, I just get annoyed.

To any who have asked me that question, I probably still love you. Okay, if we're friends, I do love you. I just feel like its such a tacky question. To me, it's like asking married couples, "So when are you gonna have kids?" That's between them and God. But since most of the time, it's friends and people who love and care about me asking, I don't know how to say, "That's a tacky question, and it drives me crazy when people ask."

It's like when we sing "The Spirit of God" in regular Church meetings. I have a distinct memory of The First Presidency asking that we only sing that hymn on very special occasions, like temple dedications. But what are you gonna do? Boycott the hymn?

Maybe the next time someone asks me "Are you guys gonna get married?" I'll reply with "I don't know. Are you gonna get married? When and to whom?" If they reply, "I don't know," I'll say, "Me neither. But I'm sure you'll tell me when you know. And I'll tell you when I know."

On a lighter, but related note, this fall's edition of the "BYU-Idaho Bride's Guide" has come out! I think it's pretty much the same every time, they just re-word things a little. I disagree with half of the articles, and don't care about the rest. But it's still fun to look through, if only to give oneself an excuse to be indignant about something that really doesn't matter.

But I shall I say? Shocked? Amused? Astounded? When I came across an article towards the end of the issue on "The Honeymoon." Now, as Mormons, apparently, the honeymoon is but a vacation. Check out the title of the article:

I beg your pardon?

When I saw it, I burst out laughing, and ran around rehearsal, showing everyone the article. All my married cast friends lowered their eyebrows and said something to the effect of "Um, that's not how I would describe a honeymoon."


"Enter as STRANGERS, leave as FRIENDS"?!

First of all, I certainly hope my husband is no stranger. That's problematic in itself. Second of all, I know my experience in the matter is limited, but "friendship" doesn't strike me as necessarily the best signifier for the resulting relationship of a wedding night.

Maybe they meant physical strangers.

"Oh, hello, I've never met this part of you before! And now we're friends."

Or maybe they meant that you were strangers with the hotel staff before your wedding night/honeymoon, but then you're friends with them when you leave.

The implications of which make me more uncomfortable than my original interpretations of the title did.

I guess "Enter as newlyweds, leave as lovers" was somehow too racy. Or something.

The article was decently written. But the photos are not representative of the content of the article, and most decidedly, neither is the title. Not that I expect a Mormon magazine to have any sort of useful or even straightforward insights on the honeymoon. We're Mormons and we don't have sex. Or talk about it.

But that's a rant for another entry.


Mandi said...

I was just going to add the awkward, "so, when are you guys gonna have kids/have another kid" question. You read my mind. It's especially annoying when you perhaps already ARE pregnant, you're just keeping it to yourself.

Anonymous said...

1) I was not planning on asking you "So, when are you going to get married?" Though it now takes away my plan to make him nervous by asking about his intentions. Darn.
2)"Enter as strangers, leave as friends"???!!! That really was hilarious. Thanks for my morning laugh (your comments about how to interpret that were pretty funny, too). Actually, now that I think about it, a honeymoon could be "Enter as friends, leave as strangers" ... though that would be sad.
3) I'll talk to you about sex any time you want.
4) I'll talk to any of your friends who are reading this blog comment about sex if they want.

Love, Mom

Kathleen said...

This is histerical. Who goes on their honeymoon to review woodwork and make friends with hot springs resort owners?

By the way, I'm glad I never asked you personally if you're going to get married. Although I may have asked Annie if you are going to get married... Either way, I'm just happy that you're happy, my Liz. So when do we get to talk about sex with your mom?

Kathleen said...

and by hot springs resort owners, I meant owners of resorts located at the hot springs.

Scott and Carrie Chapman said...

A few things:
1. When people asked Scott and I if we were going to get married I would say: "If I didn't think I COULD marry him, we would be broken up."
2. Most of the time, when people ask this question, it's really just to see how much you like the person more so than to find out if you are LITERALLY going to get married. For some reason, "when are you gonna get married" is just an idiom for "how much are you into this guy"
3. The article title makes me want to throw up. It is further proof that too many GIRLS marry their BOYFRIENDS and not enough WOMEN marry their FIANCES.
I think my rant is over. I love you. Over and out.

A said...

Ok, first off, that article title is hilarious.

Second, I so agree with you. It's funny because once you lay it out like that, it seems so obvious what a ridiculous question it is.

I know you already know this, but I think it's so important that people move at their own pace, too. Personally, I plan on taking as long as I want.

My mom, when she was in the singles ward and dating my dad, her friends in the RS presidency would try to find out how it was going, and her response was: "no comment." No one ever knew how serious it was until they were actually engaged.

Kjersti said...

Um, I love this post for SOOOO many reasons.
1) The fun of BYU-Idaho, I L-O-V-E-D loved the article title & your musings! 2) I agree with you about the timetable thing. It is between you, him and the Lord, and when it is time, you'll know.
So, uh- you are great and I have one question, when ARE you getting married, I mean c'mon you've been dating for an eternity already... HA! Enjoy the moment and the surprises that come with it!! :)

Mallory Naomi said...

i love sex!!

p.s. i also hate when people ask that question after 2 weeks of dating. and when you have a missionary out so it's really awkward.

France is said...

ahahahahahah that is the besterest most wonderful article ever written! sex rocks. and yeah it is super oopper awkward even after you get married people ask stoopid things like that. like, HOW WAS THE HONEYMOON, WHAT DID YOU DO?
what do you THINK we did?
anyways, keep bloggin. and when people ask you stuff like that think of the most shocking answer you can and say it.

Kara said...

oh Liz. You're awesome, and I agree, I do...

I'm sorry people do it-

Even if it's just that they care about you and want to know your plans, I hope that somewhere deep in people's hearts they really truly intended to ask something nicer, like "what is one of your favorite things about him?" or something innocent and less intrusive/ridiculous like that...

Here's to the quest of becoming more thoughtful, and less ignorant.....

...and though it might not help with said quest, I really must get one of those brides guides! How funny!

Ryan and Camilla said...

This post was perfection. Every last bit of it.