Thought Vomit

Just some thoughts, in no particular order, and of no particular theme from the last few days.

MONDAY:

Saw a guy today, sitting at the Red Cross Blood Drive table, reading his scriptures. What an awesome guy. =) I feel like that image is the quintessential image of BYU-Idaho righteousness. Made my day. Along with the fact that “Handsome Book of Mormon class guy” talked to me before class. Of his own accord. And of course I kind of made a fool of myself, and what he said made him all the more appealing, but I still can’t figure out if he’s engaged anyway. So oh well. Just made me happy. In that 13-year-old girl kind of way. [We had an actual two-way conversation on Wednesday. A short, but complimentary and great little conversation. That made my day, too.]

I could NOT sleep last night. I’m not entirely sure why. Well, I partly know why, but I don’t feel like revealing some of the half-awake dreams that I kept (sadly/frustratingly) waking up from.

That, and I kept almost having the classic alien abduction nightmare. Not nearly as scary as Beckah's Joker nightmare, but scary. We watched a program on aliens on the history channel over the weekend (on Netflix instant viewing, by the way, which I have recently discovered, and which has changed my LIFE), and ever since then, I keep thinking about it as I drift off to sleep and it gets scary. Things that you laugh at while doing a puzzle and watching a TV program in the light of the living room sure get frightening in the dark of a bedroom when everyone else is asleep.

Me and Annie were discussing the fact that the hundreds, maybe even thousands of alien abduction stories that people tell are so similar. We were wondering about why this was true, and came up with two possibilities. Well, three, I guess. One, these things are really happening, and that’s why everyone’s stories have common similar elements. But I somehow don’t think that’s likely. I think the more likely explanation is a combination of the other two possibilities. Possibility One: People want attention, so they make up a story similar to the ones they’ve already heard. Possibility Two: Alien abduction stories/UFO’s/etc have been a huge part of our culture for the last 50 years. It came into popular culture starting in about 1947, which was also near the beginning of the Cold War. One historian said that part of the reason so many people connected to this UFO threat is because it gave an embodiment to the otherwise abstract threat of communism…that there’s this very possible threat out there that we don’t understand. I thought that was interesting. I also started thinking about archetypes and the social norms that define us…the things that are a deep part of our subconscious, just because they’re so deeply embedded in our culture. I wonder if the alien abduction story is so much a part of our subconscious that it becomes a common hallucination, when someone is put through a certain trauma, or has a certain mental illness.

One of the stories that the program talked about was of a couple in the 50’s, whose story was one of the first recorded alien abduction stories. The program played some of the audio tapes of sessions with a psychologist, telling their story under hypnosis. It was pretty scary. At least when I look back on it in the wee small hours of the morning. The interesting thing about this couple is that she was white and he was black. Which is cool. But which is also rare. And THIS WAS IN THE 1950’S. Not so common, or even okay back then. I’ve been trying to figure out if this is related to the whole alien abduction story, and if so, how. I can’t come up with anything at this point, but I’ll keep you posted.

TUESDAY:

I miss the Playmill so much right now. I literally crave the Playmill life. Auditions are this Saturday. I feel mostly ready...songs are good. I should try to decide on a monologue. At this point, my monologue selection changes multiple times per day. If I were more confident, I would just stand up and make something up. Maybe I'll take the gist of some monologue or stand up routine and do that with it. Make most of it up. At this point, I don't know if I could memorize something well enough.

I just wish auditions were OVER with, and that the cast list was up, so that I could just KNOW whether or not I was going to be there, and what I would be doing. The not knowing is driving me bananas. Two to three more weeks of not knowing might kill me. But I've made it before, and the reasonable side of me knows that I'll make it again. But the hungry, tired, stressed, emotional side of me won't listen to a word of that.

Hey, by the way, everyone, it’s GROSS outside today. It’s snowy and windy and miserable. For the most part, it’s been this incredibly mild winter. Really, though. I have to avoid puddles more often that I have to avoid ice patches. I figure it’s the second week in February…I keep thinking that if we’ve made it this far, maybe we’ve escaped a Rexburg winter altogether. And then I remember that it’s snowed in June around here. But still! I refuse to believe that winter will happen this year! I will believe firmly in the possibility of a mild winter and an early spring. It will stop being gross. Probably tomorrow.

Also, I love Annie. We had a great conversation last night about Freud, human sexuality, literature, Shakespeare, genius, the Priesthood, and the temple. All of which was interspersed with homework, which was interesting, but most of the time our thoughts had to DO with homework, so we weren't slacking. I love Annie's brain, and that it's so similar to mine in so many ways, but that I still learn so much from her.

I've just had a lot of great conversations during the last few days. I've got such great friends. I'm surrounded by such ridiculously amazing people. I don't know what I did to deserve it.
Speaking of being undeserving, I'm in Acoustic Cafe this Thursday. Maybe I should practice. My cousin Candace and her husband are also performing, which is awesome. I feel like I don't deserve to be playing in the same venue as Nik Day and everyone else who's on the bill, but I'm honored and proud for at least going for it, and meeting my goal.
I just realized that I missed Music Outlet last night. That's another goal, maybe...play there...? I want to perform with a group of musicians more often. I haven't done that much, and it's much more fulfilling. Also I'm rambling. Much like I felt I did to handsome Book of Mormon class guy yesterday.

Better go do homework.

THURSDAY:

I came home tonight to find one outgoing, pretty roommate giving “Hair Care 101” to another shy, introverted roommate. It was so classic. Glinda and Elphaba. Part of me is worried about Outgoing Pretty Roommate’s sincerity. The other part of me wishes I had the courage to spend time with and try to get to know Shy Introverted Roommate.

Acoustic Café was fun. I was terrified for a while…I broke a string tuning before my sound-check, but some friendly guy with a blazer and a David Bowie t-shirt lent me his guitar for both sound-checks and the performance. I had a few moments of dread before I performed, during which I thought ridiculous things like “I HATE my peers! I don’t want to perform for them!” But with the help of my fellow performers, most of whom I had never met, I chilled out, and had a blast singing, and didn’t forget my lyrics, and got a cookie afterward.

Whew, the long week is almost over. I’m going to try and find a cheap stick vacuum tomorrow. Our carpet is gross.

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Thought Vomit