Wednesday, March 14, 2007

"Never trust a man who gives you ice-cream. Unless he's your father." --Beckah

ice cream

With the onset of the usual 1am insomnia, I've been contemplating that gem of wisdom from my sister. I think she's really got a point. Especially for we Mormon girls. Ice cream is the LDS equivalent to alcohol, it seems. I mean, think about it. Where the rest of the world says "Would you like to go get a drink somewhere?" Mormons say "Would you like to get a sundae somewhere?" The Mormon equivalent of "Shall I get us something to drink?" is quite obviously "Would you like some ice-cream?"

Not that ice-cream is inherently harmful, like alcohol is generally considered. But think about it, girls. It's a well-known proverb that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, a truth which we women have been using against the menfolk for years. But them men, they're more subtle-like. It seems that as women in general, we automatically feel a greater sense of appreciation for a man who offers us ice cream. Not always a swell of romantic affection, but we certainly hold the fellow in higher esteem.

But should we really be using a dairy product to measure a man's character by? Could this perhaps be a tool being used against us? Is ice cream being used to cloud our judgment? Are we being seduced at the hands of an ice cream scoop? (Perhaps that metaphor should be withdrawn; it doesn't ring quite right.)

If a boy asks you over to his place to discuss the latest political situation over bowls of neopolitan, perhaps you should ask him to make his intentions clear. Ice cream can of course, be accepted from fathers, no strings attached.

There have been cases, I am sure, when a normally reasonable, clairvoyant and intelligent young woman, with traces of Rocky Road on her lips, has looked at the young man who bestowed it on her and thought "You know, Gerald really isn't that bad-looking of a boy. Perhaps I shall go to the dance with him like he asked." Would she really have thought that without the bowl of chocolatey, marshmallowy, almondy goodness in front of her. Perhaps. But perhaps not.

Have you been this young woman? Have you been enticed by the subtle use of frozen dairy? Have you been seduced by a man wielding an ice-cream scoop? Have there been times when you woke the next morning from an ice-cream overdose and think back to the things you said the night before and wonder if what you were thinking really made that much sense at the time?

(Furthermore, have there been times when you woke the next morning from writing a blog and think back to the things you said the night before and wonder if what you were thinking really made that much sense at the time? I suppose that's the real question here...)

2 comments:

Willie Z said...

Does sherbet count as ice cream? Is sherbet iced cream?

I remember Ginormo-sized rainbow sherbet cones outside Food-4-Less. And... "Bohemian Rhapsody."

Wasn't that the same day Ronny got handcuffed to the chair in Olivia's house? And then dancing. Awkward dancing (awkward not-much-clothing-ness, rather; not the dancing itself).

So then we got Ice-Cream-4-Less.

Or maybe I just mashed two days together in my brain. I dunno.

Anonymous said...

that made amanda and i laugh liz..thanks...

-isha