Tuesday, October 17, 2006

From the recesses of approximately 1300 grams of gray matter.

Barksdale-Pumpkin-Baby

Hey all! Time for a new blog entry. Of late, my blogs have been sort of specifically written by topic, but I think tonight's will be a stream-of-consciousness entry.

I'm actually sort of enjoying the change in seasons right now. In a non-pessimistic way, that will probably last about a week. Either because I dislike fall in general, or because that's only about as long as the season will last around here. But I would like all to know that I am thoroughly enjoying life right now, and eagerly await the adventures that lie just around the corner. My show opens tomorrow night, my roomates are wonderful, I just bought groceries, and the happiest hours of my day are spent with an incredible boy who is dear to me and who I love dating.

Tonight was invited dress rehearsal for "The Spitfire Grill," in which I play Effy Krayneck, town gossip and busy body. And postmistress. I can honestly say that tonight was one of the worst performances of my life in this particular show. I just felt off-kilter. The show was off musically a lot, my own emotional journey was rocky and disconnected, and my old age makeup was too dark. But I think I've got it all out of my system. The lameness of my performance tonight somehow seems to ensure a good run for me.

Do you think "off-kilter day-ness" can be contagious? V's day was like that...just lots and lots of klutzy, silly, ridiculous, brainless things happening. It's like Willie said long ago, but which I've never forgotten...days like this can be compared to getting into your car after someone else has been driving it. Nothing is permanently wrong, but nothing really seems to fit. The seat's too far forward, the mirrors need adjusting, the steering wheel's too high. It can be fixed, but sometimes it takes a while, and it takes a few tries to get everything back to normal. Some days you just have to sort of muscle through until you can crash into bed at the end of it and be grateful for the next day, when you can experience some semblence of order and sense again. Today was a day of "metaphorically re-aligning mirrors."

I really wish I could have found that quote from Willie. He was much more eloquent about the whole concept.

V's day being off-kilter probably has to do with the fact that he couldn't sleep last night. He's so funny and cute when he's sleepy...he sort of reverts back into childhood a little bit. He just becomes this cuddly, pouty, adorable little boy who just wants to be fed, and hugged, and loved and tucked in. I can't resist coddling him when he's like that. =) Of course, I love being with him all the more when he's whacky and awake and intelligent and all that too. I just like being with him in general. Come this Saturday, we'll have been dating for one month. I can't decide if it feels longer than that, or shorter. More often it feels like its been much longer.

So it's only 1 in the morning (I know..."only"?) but it feels so much later. Insomniac that I am, I don't really FEEL like going to bed. Once I'm asleep and am required to get up again, I really appreciate sleep and enjoy it a great deal. But when I'm fully awake, the idea of sleep seems so boring and such a waste of time. There are a handful of things in this world that I find tedious and irritating just because no matter how many times you do them, they must be done again eventually. I get no lasting sense of accomplishment from going to bed...I'm going to be there again tomorrow night. Showering? That drives me nuts, I'm just going to get dirty again. Dishes? I avoid doing those at all costs, the pile refuses to be diminished.

Maybe I'll do some online research on current mental health issues. A new, enlightening late-night habit I've developed. I hope you are all loving life, and learning lots, and eating some sort of food that includes pumpkin, because it's autumn.

Quote of the day to conclude with:
"In the heat of composition I find that I have inadvertently allowed myself to assume the form of a large centipede." --The Screwtape Letters

Don't let it happen to you! =)

PS: Isn't this child the most enchantingly lawn-gnomish little character? I'm so baby-hungry right now.
pumpkin-stand

3 comments:

Willie Z said...

D'awww; yay for datingness. =)

I dug up that quote from the hidden recesses of the old geocities page. I disagree, though; you're much more eloquent on the subject.

... Let me preface this by saying it's been a strange week. You know what it's like to climb into your car after someone else has been driving it, right? The entire freakin' week's been like that. Everything just doesn't fit right. Seat's too far forward, it's at the wrong angle, and the steering wheel chafes against your legs uncomfortably. Let's not forget having to re-align all the mirrors. Metaphorically speaking, of course.

So, if I promised to call you this weekend and I didn't, it's because my steering wheel was chafing. Metaphorically. Sorry. Couldn't be helped.


See? Pales in comparison. =)

Baxamus said...

HOLY LAWN GNOME....

J-E-N said...

Definitely lawn gnome material. My question is what on earth is the jack-o-lantern depicting behind him? It's like a demented crow is coming to scoop up a giant ball of nothing while a hand from the clouds is reaching out towards it. Not that scary if you ask me.